Losing heart mix feeding with ebm - is it worth it?

[ApuskiDusky]

DS is 5 months, after very poor weight gain, I am now bottle feeding using prescribed high calorie formula and some expressed milk. About a quarter of his intake now is expressed milk. But I am really losing the will to live over expressing three times a day, I have a toddler as well to look after. I have a super duper hired expresser to minimise the burden but it's still proving to be a struggle - I've been expressing three or four times a day for 3 months now.

I don't really know what health benefits he is really getting from the expressed milk, and whether its worth this effort. I've tried so hard to keep this going, I don't know if I'll know when to call it a day.

Hi AD. Firstly just wanted to say well done and I hope you're really proud of the start you've given your son. So few babies are still getting any BM at five months and it sounds like you've done a fab job under difficult circumstances.

I think that there will certainly be health benefits to continuing to mix with EBM. But you need to weigh that up against the effect the expressing is having on you and your two DC. Only you can do that and decide what's best for your family.

What if you decided to continue expressing till your DS is six months, then gradually stopping? Maybe that's something you would feel good about because you would get to a 'landmark' time.
But if you want to keep going then of course don't let me tell you otherwise!!

From my own experience if expressing (prem baby), I do know how time consuming and soul destroying it can be.

Sorry there's no easy answer but there's more to being a mum than just BF. And whatever you decide you have done a wonderful job so far.

Hope that ramble was of some help!!!

Its up to you but if its 4x a day for just 1/4 of his intake and he's already 5 months, and you are loosing the will to live, you should pat yourself on the back for keeping on going this long and hand the pump back...

Agree with the previous posters - you've done really well to keep up the expressing this long. Can you feed him direct from the breast at all? Could you see a bf counsellor to help you get him to latch on? That way he could still get some bm and you could drop the expressing

Thanks all, I appreciate your comments.

Marzipananimal, he's not feeding from the breast any more - I found the regime of express - breastfeed - bottlefeed too much, and ds was starting to fight, so I dropped the bf. I worked with a bfc in the early days but it didn't improve the weight gain.

Ieattoomuchcake, I think the 6 month target is a good idea. Especially as the whole family apart from ds has colds at the moment, maybe the small amount of antibodies are making a difference.

I was also going to suggest the 6 month target, but forgot to post. I find with expressing there are lows and just OK moments that come and go.

I do however think that one bottle a day is worth it for the immune boost. Only you can decide the the price as only you know how difficult expressing is for you.

He is getting your antibodies
you get reduced risk of ovarian and breast cancer.
In 4 weeks you can start to wean (20 weeks as a minimum) so once 3 meals are established your breast milk will be enough and you wouldn't need to express. Why are you expressing as opposed to feeding ? Does lo not latch on for some reason? If he will latch and its just to see how much milk then I would try latching on again and forget expressing.

I know you said lo wouldn't breastfeed but tbh now he is older he may well be better. More suckling strength iyswim

You've done so so well. I know what the whole breasfeed, pump, bottle feed, formula feed thing is like, it's hard work!

Just one idea, have you heard of eats on feets? It's a new breastmilk sharing organisation where women donate breastmilk to anyone on need. Maybe worth looking in to as then you woulnt have all the pumping but he'd still be getting some breastmilk.. They have a page on facebook

Anyone in need

I pumped full time for three months and it was hard work with only one baby, I am really impressed that you have managed it with a toddler as well.

Have you tried experimenting with different times of day? 4am pump used to produce twice as much as evening for me, midday not as much but more than first thing in the morning. Adjusting the timing might help you produce some more, if you want to carry on.

I think it's easy to underestimate how difficult it is to express milk regularly, day in day out, unless you have done it yourself. The main difference between expressing and breastfeeding is that the whole time you are pumping milk (I used to spend about 3-4 hours in every 24 expressing) you have a baby who is not being fed, or held, or entertained, and can't understand why mummy would rather play with the weird machine rather than do any of those things!

I don't think you should feel guilty about beginning to phase out the ebm. You want to give your baby the best, but sometimes you have to decide whether the health benefits of breast milk are outweighed by the disadvantages of having a stressed mum (and it does sound as though this is causing you stress). You've already done a terrific job, more than many would have done in your situation. Whatever you decide, you should be proud of yourself.

Just seen the further responses, thank you!

Thecaptain, for some reason his weight gain with a bf followed by a bottle top up was poor but when I tried full bottle feeds his gain shot up. I guess there was an unresolved issue with his latch, but I still don't fully understand what was going wrong. He won't latch now.

Grumpla and Dalrymps, it's good to hear from people who've been there! I am persevering at the moment even though I am very flu- ey in the hope that he won't get ill too. Unless my supply dries up I'll try to get to Christmas, which might cause the end of it anyway, as we are away and I have found things go to pot when I am out of my routine.