how can i stop DD 17m Bf so frequently?

[tiredpooky]

Really feel like going on boobie strike, well ok not really but she and I are rowing about it now. She has started to take one side, then other, then wants third go, comes off, comes back, asking for 4th go etc etc and me going 'no boobie milk, all gone' cue tantrum. Then I think s**t mummy denying your baby comfort, poor little mite just wants a bit of mummy, but i wish i could have more control... always been a frequent feeder, i am doing 1 nightfeed 5 am ish, i had to refuse her the sometimes 8 night feeds she wanted, WOnt take cows milk, just one choc milkshake a day,. daddy says she gets so grizzly round me as often wants milk, but eats her snack if i'm not there . Advice says dont offer wait for her to ask, shes often asking, angry little signing hands open and close furiously.
ok she bit poorly at moment, should cut bit slack. Need to stop for ivf before its too late. 40 next year.
ANy advice? am i traumatising her by sometimes refusing to demand feed? How do i stop demand feeding and take control?
thank you

You can introduce [[http://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/nursing-manners.html nursing manners] with toddlers and you also don't have to feed on demand.

You could chose a time/s of day to nurse (before breakfast/after lunch/what ever suits you & DC) or chose a place to nurse (e.g. if mummy's not sitting in the nursing chair then no nursing), or limit the length of feeds to the length of a song/book/rhyme, or postponing a feed (Not now Mummy's on the loo, chopping carrots, MNing, I'll feed you when I've finished - but always offer when you've finished so they can trust that the feed is just delayed not being refused).

I found limiting the length worked best for my family (we read the very hungry Caterpillar (DD1) or counted to 10 and said 'all done' (DD"2)) but obviously that might not work for you and your DD.

I recognise the 'angry little signing hands'! 15 mo DD does it right in front of my face at night, to make sure I can't miss what she's asking for. And the screaming rage if I dare say no! So I give in. Doesn't ask much in the day and will often accept a snack instead. Also loves cows' milk in a cup. Night times are a different story. We're having a 'good' night. On our second feed (not counting the two at bedtime) and there'll be another before 6am I imagine. Can't see it changing any time soon.

have you noticed a pattern to her feeding? I know about the "don't offer, don't refuse" thing but if I sit on the sofa then to 2.2yo DD that is an offer If we're out for the afternoon or she's got a friend over then she doesn't ask as much so I think boredom is a big factor for her. She also feeds more when she's tired or teething.

You might feel like a bad mummy denying her confort but what she really needs at 17 months is a good night sleep! waking up 5-6 times a night is really not good for her brain development or her immune system, and as a side point, you can't be a great mummy when you are exhusted. I would recommend controlled crying/ extinction (leaving to cry without going in at all) in order to get DD off the night feeds and better rested. My friend was like you and felt like she was depriving her DD by not night feeding, meanwhile her DD was a nasty, bratty little thing because she never slept enough. She screamed her head off for 2 hours the first night, just over an hour the 2nd, and by night 4 was sleeping through. My DS was night weaned at 8 months, have got DD (nearly 6 months) down to one/maximum two big feeds a night, and her daytime feeds have increased in length. You can give extra confort in the day, chances are she'll take longer feeds when you cut out night feeding. You can boost her calcium with yoghurts and cheese and up water intake so she gets enough to drink.
Hope this is helpful!

Thanks ladies
Truth i will have a good look at Kellymom, i had looked before about night feeds but not about this, thanks, may try limiting but i know i will need to be consistent. I managed to control nightfeeds so thats right, i can try timed day feeds, also u r right again i might have agitated her by refusing, i need to say later, its just that i was getting so annoyed with her, must remember i am the parent thank you

Strawberry, thanks for sharing

belindarose, oh yes the kneeling up angry signing night baby, i slit my eyes open and there she is inches before my eyes! heh heh heh

Eau, mmm, dont think theres a pattern, will think harder. boredom yes that might be it

Sick, thanks for the reply, but i think you misread. I cracked the nightfeeding at 14m by just refusing her and being consistent and cuddling her whilst cosleeping and i only do 1 nightfeed now about 5am. She only wakes 2-3 x a night now (and just 1 feed). Funnily even when she was up a lot at night i would never have described her as a nasty bratty little thing! Didnt make any difference to her daytime behaviour.

It's a hard age, I think this when they begin to realise that you are a separate person from them so they have to work hard to control you. So they get a bit frantic if you don't do what they want, they think you should know automatically what they need or want.

Does that make sense. Not sure how it helps though......

Sick, how horrible to describe your friend's baby like that.

Tired, no great advice except that you're doing a briliant job and sound like a lovely mum. Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution - there might be some ideas in that, I really liked it and it has some lovely gentle solutions - NOT controlled crying, any solution that involves a child screaming her head off for two hours is very cruel in my opinion.

Sparkly, my point is that she is in fact a lovely, bright little girl, but waking several times in the night looking for a feed left her sleep deprived and grouchy (as it would make any grown up, let alone a toddler with a developing brain.) OP, have you thought about moving her to her own room? That way you both get a decent night sleep and the habit she's developed of taking little sips can be broken, making it easier to establish proper daytime feedings- only needed twice a day at this age if she'll also take a milkshake. Also it's a lot easier to TTC when there isn't another little person in the bed with you.

Sparkly, oh thank you for your lovely words, please feel free to post again on my threads

Sick, I'm not sure how to make things any more explicit, DD only has 1 early hours feed now. And moving her to her own room wont help with TTC, IVF doesnt happen in the bedroom. well not down in Devon anyway.