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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Can't take any more and don't know what to do!

37 replies

Liloosmum · 18/11/2010 11:04

I don't know if this is a sleep or hunger problem so I'll post in both sections!

My DD#2 is now 5.5 months. For the first 12 weeks she was quite a good sleeper starting off with sleeping at least one four hour stretch during the night. This got longer until she reached 12 weeks and since then her sleep has been getting worse and worse.

She currently wakes every 1.5-2 hours some nights and other nights every hour, but does at least then sleep for 2.5 hours once!

I'm breastfeeding and so when she wakes I feed her, but I'm not convinced she's always waking because of hunger. Feeding her seems to be the quickest way of getting her to go back to sleep without waking DD#1, but I am so tired and don't think I'm coping with it very well any more.

I've tried putting her in her own room, putting an extra blanket on her, gloves so her hands aren't cold. I've spoken to a HV who suggested weaning her so I've started, but I don't think that will make much if any difference any time soon.

I know she will have had growth spurts and there's a sleep regression that people talk of around 4 months, but it's been two and a half months since we've had a decent night (ie 4 hours of sleep!)

Any suggestions?

OP posts:

HappySeven · 18/11/2010 11:10

Sorry, no suggestions but will lurk with interest as was going to post something very similar about my 7 month old (been getting worse since about 4 months). I know mine is worse when she's teething or has a cold but getting up 3 times a night is getting wearing and I'd love some good advice. Hope someone comes along soon...

Ineedsomesleep · 18/11/2010 11:28

Liloo, is her bedroom warm enough? I know you have put extra clothes on her but my DD has always liked it warmer than recommended and wakes if its not.

Also, have you tried sticking her in bed with you? At least that way you could feed lying down and might get some more rest.

Weaning didn't really work for me. With DS I felt under enormous pressure to wean as he was a poor sleeper and it actually made him worse.

You could try to feed her more often in the day and that might decrease her night feeds but its cold and dark and she probably just wants a cuddle and some nice milk from Mummy.

Can you get any rest during the day?

MrsBuble · 18/11/2010 11:31

Okay so this is the bit I usually bite my tongue with friends...but you asked so I'm gonna go for it. STOP FEEDING HER! If a baby knows there's milk whenever they wake up, then guess what, they're going to wake up.

Instead try soothing her back to sleep, which may be difficult the first few nights but I've found works in the long run.

If this doesn't work out then at least you know there's something else at the root of this and can move onto a new approach.

I really hope something works out for you!

MoonUnitAlpha · 18/11/2010 11:32

Have you tried giving her a dummy or patting her back to sleep? Or sending your dp in to settle her?

I've started doing this with my 3 month old, as everytime he woke I was just giving him a feed as it seemed easiest/quickest at the time. After a couple of nights of comforting without feeding if he woke before 5am, last night he slept from 11pm to 5am without waking.

RubyBuckleberry · 18/11/2010 11:58

'If a baby knows there's milk whenever they wake up, then guess what, they're going to wake up.'

lol babies don't have the capacity to wake themselves up for milk lol

you could co sleep (i did this for a few nights to get some rest

if you give her the comfort she needs now, she will be a very secure baby/toddler later on

has she got any nappy rash/soreness - everytime she wees it might sting?

or, like has been said, just don't feed her. this works with some, not with others.

Ineedsomesleep · 18/11/2010 12:06

I tried the not feeding with my DS, he screamed until he vomited. Much easier for me just to give him what he wanted.

jaggythistle · 18/11/2010 12:14

I have always fed DS (now nearly 14 months) if he was up at night and he sleeps (almost all of the time, touch wood!) all night now so that is pants about always waking for milk if it is offered. I don't think he really settled down to regular decent sleeps till mabye 8/9/10 months and got better again at 12 months ish. (sorry!)

Nothing much changed when he was weaned at 6 months.

Hate to think how long it would have taken me to settle him all the times he has woken, if I couldn't just quickly comfort him with a wee feed!

Agree about the temperature, I think DS is like his mummy and likes it warm! He has slept a lot better in the colder nights with a long sleeved vest under his sleepsuit and sleeping bag and the heating coming on a few times overnight to keep his room warmer.

Hope things settle down for you soon.

poppydog10 · 18/11/2010 12:16

It sounds like she has become accustomed to feeding to sleep. Babies sleep cycles are much shorter than adults, so every time she sifts into a light sleep and briefly wakes up, she needs feeding back to sleep.

I have exactly the same prob with my 7 mo and it is a nightmare! We weaned her at 6 mo and it hasnt made the slightest bit of difference. I am convinced she isn't hungry - just needs the comfort of the boob. We cosleep but it isn't ideal- I spend everynight with my boob out with her constantly on it. I know the answer is to not feed her, but easier said than done!!!

poppydog10 · 18/11/2010 12:17

Your hv shouldn't have advised weaning before 6 months.

Fromage · 18/11/2010 12:24

Some babies are shit sleepers no matter what you do. ime, most of them. I think tbh not many 6 month olds sleep reliably through the night. You have been lulled into a false sense of security by the early 'good' sleeping pattern.

If she wakes up distressed and needing a feed, feed her. Don't try sleep training. Satisfy her needs as soon as you can and you'll have fewer problems later on.

And weaning before 6 months isn't a good idea and no, your HV shouldn't have advised you do so.

If she's going to wake up, you just have to make the best of it. Sooner you feed her/cuddle her, sooner she'll go back to sleep.

MoonUnitAlpha · 18/11/2010 12:32

I don't think babies deliberately wake themselves up for milk, but if they can only fall asleep feeding then they need you to get back to sleep. If you can break the feed/sleep habit then they can go back to sleep without you.

Not saying this works for all babies, and if you're happy to feed to sleep then obviously that's fine :)

Ineedsomesleep · 18/11/2010 12:37

Think a lot is expectation too. My DS and I apparently never slept through till we were both at school so my expectation was to be kept awake. It was hard with DS at first but it got easier, especially as I wasn't thinking I was doing something wrong.

MoonUnitAlpha · 18/11/2010 12:42

I think it can work the other way round too - if you expect a baby to sleep through you are more likely to take steps to make it happen.

Ineedsomesleep · 18/11/2010 12:43

Moonunit, ha ha ha. You never met my DS when he was a baby did you. Think I took every step known to woman, and a few I thought of along the way too.

MoonUnitAlpha · 18/11/2010 12:46

I feel like every post on a thread like this needs a disclaimer "may not apply to all babies"

Fromage · 18/11/2010 12:57

Here's one that applies to all babies: once you reckon you've got something licked, another bloody conundrum bounces up and spits in your eye.

As in 'hurrah! she's sleeping through' followed by 'oh bugger - teeth'.

NumptyMum · 18/11/2010 13:35

Could it also be she's too distracted to feed in day & has now switched round when she's hungry? I have this with DD who's nearly 5mo. Not sure how I'll solve it this time though; with DS I started going quiet place to offer him feed every 3 hours - but now I have 2 so finding that quiet place is much harder... sigh. Think that's why she ends up feeding to sleep, she doesn't WANT to feed when she's awake, she's got other stuff to do...

nubbins · 18/11/2010 14:53

My Ds is 6 months and still waking in the night too. I am also breastfeeding and also do it to get him back to sleep without waking anyone else up. I am also knackered.

I have found though that weaning hasn't helped him sleep better, but I do feel better. Not sure if it is because I am providing less milk (which I doubt) or because the weaning has brought more stucture to our lives and made me feel less put upon.

My HV suggested cracking on with weaning and giving some protein at tea time. I am also experimenting with expressing and feeding using a doidy cup at bed times to try and get him less dependent on my boobs.

I hope you get some decent sleep soon and if you find a magical cure then let me know!

MrsBuble · 18/11/2010 15:12

You may think its pants jaggythistle, but my babies have always slept through from early on (bar teething or a cold). From my experience this has worked and it always seems to me the mothers with babies who wake all throughout the night are the ones who are more than happy to feed them every time.

jaggythistle · 18/11/2010 15:33

i just said you can't apply that to all babies.

mine very rarely wakes now (crossed fingers again!), so my feeding him doesn't seem to have led him to expect it.

he sometimes wakes in the night and goes back to sleep by himself or just with a wee cuddle so it doesn't always create an association with milk.

MrsBuble · 18/11/2010 16:24

Lol at crossed fingers, I bet I have an awful night after posting how well my baby sleeps :)

Rugbylovingmum · 18/11/2010 16:40

Hi, this sounds very similar to my DD. She was a fantastic sleeper early on - she would feed, play, nap on a 3 hour cycle (very baby whisperer) and slept from 11-5 from 4 weeks. Then at 12 weeks she started waking more frequently and it just got worse and worse over the next few months. I stopped feeding her at night but it didn't really help and she took to blw really well and packed in the solids but that didn't help her sleep either.

Strangely at about 7/8 months she just started sleeping again and would go from 7pm-5am without any fuss. Now she is 12 months and sleeps 7pm-6.30am and rarely wakes at night. I don't think that we did anything differently I just think that her eating/naps etc all got into a really good routine then and she felt settled. She seemed to do well on a routine right from birth and, although I tried to keep her day fairly structured, between 4-8 months it just seemed like we had a growth spurt then a teething spell then she would change her nap times as she needed less sleep then she started weaning so her feeds changed...... she just never fully settled into a 'daily rhythm' IYKWIM and although she was a very happy baby I really think that's why she couldn't sleep.

I'm not sure if that helps or not but I just wanted to give you some hope that it could all settle down soon (I have spoken to lots of mums who thought that the 4-6 month stage was the worst for sleeping) but rather than struggling to get her into a good sleeping pattern maybe you just have to make it as bearable as possible for now. I know people will disagree but I think some babies just won't sleep at that age no matter what you do. I started putting DD in my bed if she woke at night as she settled faster (after swearing I would never cosleep) and I would feed her if that helped. I would deal with most night-wakings then DP would deal with her after 5am so I could sleep until 7/8am. It was very very hard (and I didn't have another DC to deal with) so I hope you get some much needed rest soon.

Original poster

Liloosmum · 18/11/2010 17:47

I don't mind feeding her at night, but when she wakes up every 45 mins-1.5 hours I'm not sure it is for hunger. I know she can settle herself during the day because although she usually has a feed to fall asleep I have seen her wake up and go back to sleep by herself.

It does seem cruel not to feed her just in case she is hungry.

OP posts:

MrsBuble · 18/11/2010 18:42

Its unlikely she'll be hungry every 45 mins so i don't think its cruel. Maybe try and get a second opinion from another health visitor on advice.

AngelDog · 18/11/2010 19:38

Sounds as if the frequent waking pattern started with the 4 month sleep regression (more info here, here, here and here.

It won't be a hunger issue IMO - and weaning is very unlikely to help (some babies inc. my DS wake more when started on solids as they're getting used to the feeling of them going through their digestion).

It sounds as if she has a sucking to sleep association ie she thinks she needs bf to fall (back) asleep every time she finishes a sleep cycle. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's clearly causing you problems.

Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution has some good suggestions for this - basically, try to settle without a feed (e.g. by rocking / cuddling) and she may get back into the habit of settling herself between sleep cycles. I used the ideas for my DS at 7 months (there's an explanation on this thread). I could tell when he needed a feed for hunger / really needing that level of comforting, because he wouldn't let himself be rocked to sleep then.

HTH

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