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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

My 18wk baby only nurses to sleep help please!!!!!

21 replies

wanaBmrsBrown · 10/11/2010 13:51

Hello everyone,

I didn't know if anyone out there can please help me.
I don't know how to get my baby to sleep without nursing her, it's the only way she will go and now she is waking so many time in the night and just want nursing back to sleep as soon as she wakes and sees there is no breast she cries. If i try and rock her to sleep she will just cry or gurgle away for hours if my partner tries she just screams. I dont know what to do. I have tried a dummy (which i did not want her to have anyway) but she wont take one.
Am i not trying hard enough? I need some sleep and would like her to go to bed earlier than 11.30! So i can have some time alone and just to catch up on the housework. Any help would really be appreciated!
Thanks in advance! xxx

OP posts:

mawbroon · 10/11/2010 13:58

Have a look at a book called The No Cry Sleep Solution.

I have found some of the techniques in there have improved sleep for my ds2 a wee bit.

She's just tiny though, and wants to be close to her mum. You're not doing anything wrong. Have you tried her in a sling during the day? That way, she would get to be close, but you could still get things done - sort of!

Original poster

wanaBmrsBrown · 10/11/2010 14:39

thank you!! I will have a look for this book. I'm just worried that she will never sleep without me being there (not that I am planning to go out just yet), but just been told that i'm making a rod for my own back and all of my friend babies seem just self soothe ( most are bottle fed if that makes any difference) I felt as though i was doing something wrong. I go from thinking oh well i will do what i want and think is right to worrying i am doing the wrong thing and making a huge problem for the future.
I have a sling so will try this out too thanks again xx

OP posts:

chinchi · 10/11/2010 14:44

Im in the same boat with my 17 week old :)

My sling has been a lifesaver as it means she can sleep in there during the day whilst I entertain DS and DD1 and do housework etc.

She is actually ok though once settled on a night- not sure if it's down to us co-sleeping. Don't worry about other people. Do what it right for you :)

Trillian42 · 10/11/2010 14:54

My 5 month old mostly only sleeps when fed too. I got the No Cry Sleep Solution but have no time to read it! I read the first few chapters though and started noting the time of her naps & sleep, but she wakes so often during the night that I kept falling asleep instead of recording the time she slept again.

We did get her to take a soother though recently enough, and it helps to get her back asleep if she wakes when she's not hungry. I'm not mad about the idea of the soother, but now she's teething it is helpful.

Not much help here, but hopefully someone else will have some suggestions.

jaggythistle · 10/11/2010 17:34

She is still quite wee as Mawbroon says.

If you are happy enough and are just worried about what other people are saying, then just carry on.

I don't think my DS has a proper 'bedtime' until he was a wee bit older. He just used to feed on and off all evening and sleep on my knee till we went to bed. It got a bit easier to see when he was tired as he got older.

He now (at 13 months) gets sleepy and goes to bed at 7.30 - 8pm and I have not tried hard at all. He normally only wakes and shouts for us if he is not well or cold or something. I have always nursed him back to sleep if necessary and my back seems to be rod-free. So you are not doing the 'wrong' thing at all. ;)

All babies are obviously different, but nursing to sleep is not a guarantee of never self settling. Sometimes we hear DS wake up and go back to sleep by himself :)

Also she is getting close to the dreaded '4 month sleep regression' so may be a bit unsettled at night for a while, but it should pass.

www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/4mo-sleep.html here's one link about it.

www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/comfortnursing.html#badhabit this one is on nursing to sleep.

Original poster

wanaBmrsBrown · 10/11/2010 19:21

Thank you! :o You have all made me feel a lot better. Think i should stop listening to others and do what i think is right. I hate it when i try and do a new routine as she just isn't happy about it, i shall continue nursing to sleep.
She may have got to the sleep regression as she used to sleep through, and it's only recently that she has been waking up a lot. i thought it was due to nursing her to sleep and her realising i was no longer there

OP posts:

littlesez · 10/11/2010 19:51

I would still recommend the no cry sleep solution, just to read it and take what you want from it. Its not like other books no routines or harsh stuff just lots of different tips/techniques then you choose your own plan. I fed my daughter to sleep for ages, we only just sussed out her sleeping at 18 months. I liked feeding her to sleep But i wished i had managed to sometimes feed to sleep and sometimes then it wouldnt have made it a big deal later on.

I suppose you should carry on feeding to sleep until its not working or you don't want to anymore

virgo1979 · 10/11/2010 20:03

my ds is 21 weeks and is the same, he really fights his sleep, in the day i can pat/rock him to sleep, or he will fall asleep in the car, but at night he wants to feed to sleep. like your little one, he just screams (with his eyes still shut) if he doesnt get milk asap.... he did previously sleep through, but then around 4 months started waking again for feeds, i guess whilst going through the sleep regression.

when i had more energy a while ago, i tried the shh-pat technique for a couple of nights after a feed, and it did work....

AngelDog · 10/11/2010 20:17

Sounds like the 4 month sleep regression - their brains are really busy working on a huge developmental spurt which happens at around 19 weeks.

There is a great book explaining it called The Wonder Weeks by two scientists who researched all the developmental spurts up to 13 months.

They say "Your baby may not settle down well at night now. It may be more difficult to get her to bed in the evenings, or she may lie awake at night. She may want a night feeding again, or she may even demand to be fed several times a night. She may also wake up much earlier in the morning."

They also say: "The fussy period preceding the developmental spurt will often last 5 weeks, although it may be as short as 1 week or as long as 6."

The good news is that is passes on its own ? and isn?t a sign of babies needing to start solids either.

There?s useful information on the sleep regression here, here, here and here.

(My DS will only feed to sleep during sleep regressions - once we're out of the regressions, he can be rocked to sleep again most of the time).

HTH

HarriettP · 10/11/2010 20:27

Just read your advice thank you so much thought it was just me going through this (most mums Ive spoken to happily say oh the baby sleeps straight through!)and we have gone back to 3-4 night feeds again after sleeping 5-6hrs my dd is just 20weeks. Im glad that the end is in sight (even if it is through sleep deprived eyes!):)

sheeplikessleep · 10/11/2010 20:45

DS2 is 8 months old and in the last month or so, we've been 'encouraging' him to get to sleep without being fed to sleep.

He's never been a very good sleeper, always fed to sleep and was waking 4-5 times a night. I was shattered.

We did 2 things ...

Made sure DS was groggy, but awake when I put him in the cot. I then pat / rub his back whilst he is lying in the cot. I read that doing this at his 7pm feed/sleep is quite important for setting the scene for the nights waking, and it certainly seemed to help. Took 20 minutes the first night of gurgling, now takes a couple of minutes.
DH settled DS in the night (but DS is 8 months old and on 3 good meals a day now, so a different scenario). On the first night, he went in and it took an hour and a quarter of DH rocking / pacing / cuddling / singing him to sleep. DS was crying / screaming for this time on and off :(. What reassured me was that DH said he was nestling in, as though he was trying to get to sleep, but frustrated he couldn't. Next night, this took 20 minutes. We did this at his normal 10pm wake and then a few days later, also at his midnight wake. Now, he probably wakes at these two times every other night. I do feed him at his 2am wake, but I'm hoping we'll tackle this one this weekend.

Sorry, I waffle on. HTH.

sheeplikessleep · 10/11/2010 20:49

Agree with others - I found 4-6 months particularly tiresome and DS awoke a LOT! I wouldn't have denied milk when DS was that age. It's only since I know he's taking solids that I feel more comfortable not feeding him milk every 2 hours in the night!

BUT, I think it's worth trying to make sure your DD isn't totally asleep when you put her down. Even if she does fall asleep on you, try rousing her slightly and try putting her gently in the cot and 'holding' her in the cot until she settles. Then try putting her down more and more awake. I think everything has to be done very gradually with babies.

gaelicsheep · 11/11/2010 00:01

OP, I feel your pain! My DD is 20 weeks and I have recently been complaining to everyone that she has turned back into a newborn! The night before last she woke pretty much every hour between 8pm and about 5am.

She has always been a tricky customer though. I can very very rarely get her to sleep, day or night, without feeding her. She will not sleep in a sling, all I get are overtired screams - not pleasant. DH can settle her in his arms the daytime, but I can't without feeding, and she will not be put down for a nap.

We have tried putting her down slightly awake and it does not work. She will cry and cry and cry until you pick her up again. However, I know she is capable of self settling because a few times she has woken up and whinged for a while an hour or so after going down in her cot, then re-settled herself. So I'm not too worried. I figure she'll work it out eventually, and at the moment I'm all for a quiet life (as much as possible).

Original poster

wanaBmrsBrown · 11/11/2010 10:22

Well I've just ordered the No Cry Sleep Solution. Hopefully give me a few tips as she wouldn't go down till 10 past 12 last night, she is still asleep now though and only woke twice last night
I agree she is prob a bit to young to expect her to always sleep through, and wont deny any feeds until she is on solids. I just have to get used to the broken sleep again, I'm off to my Mums for a week in the country so hopefully that will make me feel a bit more refreshed as no cleaning to do!
I'll let you know how i get on

OP posts:

gaelicsheep · 11/11/2010 21:42

OP - there is hope! DD went straight through last night!!

MumNWLondon · 11/11/2010 22:07

We bought DS2 (nearly 7 months) a cuski, he holds and and sucks on it and self soothes, can put him in cot wide awake, he clutches cuski and sucks away. Unlike dummy he can hold it and put it in mouth.

gaelicsheep · 11/11/2010 22:08

Cuski?

susitwoshoes · 11/11/2010 22:13

have you got a blankie or some kind of comfort soft toy in her cot - this really helps my DD, she can suck on it's ears (it;s a rabbit) and pulls it over her head. Now goes everywhere with her (we have a spare).

Hope that helps.

jaggythistle · 11/11/2010 22:19

Is a Cuski not a kind of blankie and teddy in one type thing?

ayjayjay · 11/11/2010 22:31

gaelicsheep that is very promising. I have my fingers crossed that my DD will follow your DDs lead. So potentially only 3 weeks to go until she stops waking every 30/60 mins from 1/2am to 6am. :)

MumNWLondon · 11/11/2010 22:44

cuski

He sucks on it, probably all night.

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