Feel I'm not coping

[lurcherlover]

Sorry in advance if this is in the wrong place - wasn't sure where to put it, but it does relate to feeding so I've put it here.

DS 12 days old today and has been doing OK up until two days ago - he would feed (I'm breastfeeding) then go down for a nap in the day, feed, nap etc and cluster feed in the evening and for a few hours in the night. I could cope with the night feeds as I was getting sleep in the day. But I've now had three days solid of him being awake from early in the morning until 6pm. He is happier in the mornings - feeds and is just very awake, and won't sleep. But from about 11am he starts crying unconsolably and won't stop. He will still feed, and does so for long periods - sometimes constantly for half an hour a side, then he'll sleep for 5 mins on my chest before the screaming starts again and he will take more milk, or sometimes he'll just scream. We're trying infacol as the mw said it could be wind/colic, but so far it hasn't made any difference. I'm exhausted as he still wants to cluster feed in the night - he will typically be awake midnight-3am and 6-9am feeding non-stop, so I only get those three hours in between to sleep. I have felt wretched today and could feel myself losing my temper when he wouldn't stop crying, which is awful. DH has gone back to work (he is self employed so if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid, and we can't afford for him to take any more time off) so I'm on my own in the day, and I don't want DH doing anything at night as he works long hours and needs his sleep. Is there anything I can do to help him sleep in the day? Everyone says 'sleep when the baby sleeps" but how can I when he won't sleep at all?? I could really cope with the nights if I could sleep in the day but he won't let me, and I don't get anything else done either - today I had to leave him to scream just so I could have some lunch and later on have a shower. I felt awful doing it but otherwise I would have eaten nothing all day and still be in my pjs. Tomorrow I have to go to the dr's for a blood test (DH is off in the morning) and I'm already worrying about leaving him with DH as I know he will just scream and scream and want to be fed (the feeding seems almost constant). I feel I'm failing as a mother. I haven't even washed his face today as he was never calm enough and I know he's meant to have a wash every day. Has anyone got any advice on how I can get him to stop screaming? He finally went down for a nap at 6.30pm so I've had a bit of sleep, but I can't go on like this

Firstly, he doesn't need a wash every day - just wash him when he's dirty.

It sounds really tough - will he calm down at all if you carry him in a sling? I know this doesn't solve your sleeping when he does problem though.

Can you feed him lying down maybe, so you can doze while he feeds?

Will he take a dummy? Or do you have a vibrating bouncy chair?

oh sweetheart :(

do you think there could be an underlying reason for this?
my second baby was similar and it turned out he had a dairy and egg intolerance. once i cut both out of my diet he was so much better. we did have other symptoms tho (eczema on face, explosive mucousy nappies, very smelly sick sometimes)

or reflux? often refluxy babies want to feed a lot to soothe their symptoms...

yeah was going to suggest sling too. our moby saved my sanity when he was little

Hi lurcher, didn't want this to go unanswered, I don't really have much to offer, hopefully someone else will be on soon, but all I can suggest is do you have a breastfeeding cafe in your area - if so, head on down, the midwives who ran mine were very helpful. It could be an early growth spurt, could be colic (though I don't think so, I think colic starts in the evening and goes on for hours and the baby is unconsolable).

I wouldn't worry about being in your pjs all day, or about washing the baby, it's very early days.

Do you have any friends or family who could come round, even if just for company?

Also, do get your DH to do some night settling, yes he has to work but so do most dads and he'll be OK!

Thanks everyone. I haven't got a sling but have been meaning to get one - didn't know which one to get while pregnant as there are so many so my plan was to take him to a shop and see if I can try a few before getting one. I have got a vibrating chair but it doesn't make any difference. My mum said try him with a dummy, but isn't it too soon? Everything I've read says if you're breastfeeding you shouldn't introduce one this early on.

:( lurcher.

Your baby is so young, and this behaviour is so new - I think it's much, much to soon to be thinking about dietary causes, or reflux or colic, or trying to 'solve the problem' in a diagnostic way.

If you can. call one of the bf helplines and find someone who will listen and support you, and help you work out ways of making these days a little easier.

Honestly, the most likely way to make things easier is to carry your baby/hold your baby in your arms or with a sling and accept that he does not want to settle anywhere away from you at the moment.

You are succeeding as a mother not failing. You have a baby who adores being with you, and who communicates his distress when he is not. This will become less frantic as he gains in trust and confidence.

You also need support and love and TLC :)

In the early days my DS had trouble sleeping. We did a bit of co-sleeping during the day, I found that if he saw me sleeping, or laying with my eyes closed, he would sleep too.

The advice on dummys is not to use them until breastfeeding is established. Have you tried offering him a little finger to suck on. Maybe DH could offer him his little finger and see how it goes, then maybe you could have a bit of down time.

If you can just give yourself that bit of space, maybe go and have bath whilst DH walks him round the block.

The sling was the best thing I had for the first few weeks (still brilliant now at 3 months) - always calms ds and would send him straight to sleep when he was little. When it was all getting a bit much at home, popping him in the sling and walking round the block made everything much better.

I have a Close carrier - I wasn't confident enough to get a fabric wrap, but I know people who love them. I've found it very comfy for both me and ds, much better than a BabyBjorn.

I didn't use a dummy til ds was 3/4 weeks old - but before that dp spent a lot of time with his finger in ds's mouth!

Google Harvey Karp and see his website and a few of the YouTube videos

Up until last week I also had a baby who wouldn't sleep during the day, was fussy of an evening, that everyone kept telling me was suffering from reflux or colic. She was prescribed gaviscon which made her constipated then cried 10 times worse

Watched one of the videos and tried the 5 S's technique and within 5 mins DD was fast asleep

maybe it won't work for every baby but worth a go!

Oh and I also had a baby who hated being in a sling where her head was covered or she felt trapped. Get to a slingmeet or If you're near London go to Slingjax where they are incredibly helpful. Found me a new way to carry dd in the burp hold where her head wasn't enclosed and she was a lot happier. Now at 6 weeks she's ok in most positions as she's gotten used to the sling

Sympathies lurcher. Unless you go to the sling place suggested here I think you are unlikely to find a decent sling in a shop. Most of them are sold online but you can hire th
Em before you by. Try slumberoo.

I know the feeling though. Just yesterday a friend & I who both have newborns were bemoaning the fact that for the first 2 weeks our babies would feed sleep then be pit down. Now they just want to be held all the time.

We use a sling a lot but if I'm honest I get sick of having a baby permanenly attached to me.

We have a swinging chair which dd1 was never bothered about but if dd2 is fed & happy I can usually get 15 blissful minutes out of it!

It'll get easier. As he gets bigger he'll be more interested in the world & might stay on a baby gym for a bit. It'll go quickly I promise, though it doesn't seem like it now.

This sounds familiar [hug] The best way I've found to get ds to have a proper sleep in the day is to take him for a walk in the pram and then leave him in it when we get home (once he's asleep). Difficult in this weather though! Once he started getting a proper sleep each day, the manic clusterfeeding in the evenings settled down. I really hope you find something that works for you. Try not to worry too much, it's only a phase and might change in a day or two.

(and by the way, i washed his face about twice in the first month )

walk in the pram or car journey are the only surefire ways of getting ds to sleep - i have been known to make the 10 min drive to the supermarket take 1/2 an hour!

Thanks everyone. It helps just to know I'm not alone with this! (I mean, obviously I know I'm not the first mum in the world whose baby won't stop crying, but when you're alone in the house it feels like it!!) We did well in the night - he must have worn himself out yesterday and last night he slept from 11-2.30, then fed until 4 (normally he's up for three hours, so an hour and a half was amazing) and then slept through til 8! So I got the best night's sleep I've had for two weeks and feel so much better today. And he is asleep now after a feed! I'm not going to get my hopes up in case this is a blip, but I am loving just watching him sleep right now...I am going to try him in the pram this afternoon if he kicks off again - weather was foul yesterday so I didn't want to but so far today it has stayed dry, so we'll see if that helps.

Another one here that feels your pain! Yesterday I swore at DD2 because she was hungry and tired but wouldn't feed or sleep!! (she is 6 weeks old) Its really
, really hard being a mum sometimes, even second time round so please be easy on yourself. I ended up going out for a walk with my IPOD on yesterday! Think we are in the middle of the 6week growth spurt

I try not to let DH do too much as well but he has to look after DD1 sometimes and it is impossible to do everything yourself lurcher so work out some jobs that DH can do - maybe getting everything organised for your night e.g nappies, wipes, change of clothes, flask and chocolate!

Oh and please don't worry about washing baby - it will dry his skin out anyway!!

Have you tried swaddling? My DD is 9 weeks and although sleeps quite well now, she has had periods where she gets herself so overtired that she cannot settle and will just cry and cry. Swaddling helps calm her and makes her feel like she's being held and also stops the involuntary arm and leg jerks waking her up again.

Definitely try putting him in the pram. I've walked miles just because it was the only way DS would stay calm for a bit. Walk really slowly though unless you're one of those uber-mums who exercised when they were pregnant!

Ask DH to make you some sandwiches before he goes to work if you can, and don't worry about getting either baby or yourself washed until he gets home from work if it's too much. (Sorry if that's skanky advice, just don't want you to think you're the only one to go unshowered every now and again!)

Cutting dairy from your diet might help - not saying that from experience though, just what I've heard, but make sure you get plenty of calcium from other things if you do (salmon, almonds etc).

Good luck. It won't last forever xx

When DS wouldn't stay calm long enough for me to have a shower, we co-bathed.

A lot of the advice suggests having someone else there to pass the baby in and out of the bath, so perhaps practice like that, but if you are comfortable with it (I am, but I wouldn't pressure you to go against the standard advice) you can place him on a folded towel on the floor by the bath and lean over to lift him in with you, leave a bath mat in there to prevent slipping.

It saves a load of time and hassle. My DS loves it because he gets a deeper bath and can sit up to his neck in it, or float on his back (I support him, obviously) and practice his swimming. You can also feed in there, so you both get a longer relaxing bath. Just keep an eye on the temperature as baby temp baths cool pretty fast.

Lurcher I was always confused when people said 'sleep when the baby sleeps' too because DD1 NEVER slept

Then I had DD2 who, in comparison is a sleeping angel and all of a sudden the advice made sense - those women had just had babies like DD2.

FWIW I showered on average every 3rd day when DD1 was tiny . Sometimes I went to a friends house, left DD1 downstairs with friend and went and had a shower there upstairs.

Don't worry about washing baby, unless mucky of course, it really won't do him any harm at all. I'm awful at bathing DD2 and felt v lazy, but actually its done her eczema the world of good!

To try to stop the crying I used to:
Put the hoover on (weird but it worked)
Walk in buggy
Baby massage
Lay baby on back and cycle legs to try to relieve wind
Walk up and down stairs with her (good for losing baby weight)
Skin to skin contact, snuggled up in bed with a boxset DVD on
Used a sling (a moby style wrap)

The best piece of advice my MW gave me was that if you feel yourself getting to he end of your tether, put baby somewhere safe and leave the room. Have a few minutes (or longer) to yourself and then go back. As she pointed out, if baby is going to cry uncontrollably whether you are cuddling them or not, you might as well not hold him for 5 minutes and get a cuppa or a smash and grab shower and then the world looks like a better place and you're better able to carry on.

Sorry, my quick post has turned into an epic!!