Please help boost my confidence re: Health Visitor

[Threelittleducks]

Have a 2 week old and am dealing with everything pretty well so far (considering last time I had pretty bad PND which I am doing all in my power to desperately avoid this time).

DH has wangled 6 weeks off work after my csection and am totally in love with ds2. So far so good. Compared to last time - a total breeze. I don't even feel close to the hole I fell down last time with PND.

I have chosen to EBF - a few personal reasons for this.
I am ridiculously lucky in that my body is some kind of milk machine (I average 8oz expressed every 3 hours) and I have already built up one hell of a freezer stash. Estimate around 20 bags of 8- 10 oz each. Plus 5 bags of 8 oz in the fridge.

DS2 is good on the breast, but I prefer EBF - dh gets to feed ds, my mum gets to feed him, I get a rest when I need to after major abdominal surgery and we have a very quick feeding turnaround. We literally feed every 3 hours for 20 mins and then back to bed through the night. I still put him to breast occasionally, which is fine, but it admittedly is easier and he seems comfier on the bottle.
No struggles, no hassle and ds2 has put on a LOT of weight over the last week

I was feeling really chuffed.

As this is ds2 all the HCW have been really accepting of my EBF. In fact I have faced no obstacles, which has been great - I felt justified in that I was doing the right thing for our family. I even felt supported, which is a heck of a lot more than last time.

Anyways, been signed over to HV after 2 weeks and she came to visit today. I told her about last time undiagnosed PND and how I struggled with it - how I was scared it would return this time and how I need folk to hep me be on the lookout for it. I am so very desperate not to go back to that dark dark place!

She was great - really keyed up on it, says she was going to make it her priority, I could phone her at any time.

I felt great - like it's all falling into place.

THEN she asks me how I am feeding baby. I told her EBF.

She then acted like I was committing the cardinal sin.
"That's double the work, How can you expect to stay well if you are doing this......"

She then wrote in my notes that there was a 'problem with infant feeding'.

I'm really really upset about this.
I EBF'd last time for 5 months problem free. My baby is fed and happy and growing. I am so happy to continue EBF as a decision I have made and researched over a long period of time - it's not something I stupidly decided one day. It's the thing that works best for me and my family. It might not be for everyone, but it works for me. I really did feel like I ould talk to this woman about stuff PND related if I had to - she really seems to know what she is about. BUT I don't know if I am strong enough to fight this corner again.

I'm pretty sure one of the contributing factors towards my pnd was the lack of support I had for this last time.

I KNOW it will make no sense to a lot of you. I know. But it just works for me. Fed up of justifying it. Fed up of feeling like a failure for doing it. It's not that hard work - I worked out it takes up about 1 hour of my whole day overall.

I have tried bf before last time - I had so much heartache over it. If this is my way of dealing with it, why should it be a 'problem'?

Oh I feel awful!

My best advice would be to print this post out and hand it to your HV, maybe with "end of discussion" written across the bottom in red pen. You don't need to justify anything. She needs to be reminded that her job isn't to decide how you should feed but to support your choice.

So basically you are expressing, it works for you and the baby is fine?

Stuff the HV. Seriously. After my DD1 was born I was hugely traumatised by her birth and felt terribly low, but the fact that feeding her was so easy made me feel like at least I could do something right. I feel sure it saved me from getting depressed (rather than just sad). So if you have found a way that works for you just ignore her. You do not have to see her ever again if you and the baby are fine.

Thanks :)

I have got myslef really wound up about this. Don't know why, as I was so very much prepared to have to fight everyone at every angle on it this time, after my experiences last time.

I was shocked and very much pleased when the mw at the birth said "bugger it girl, your baby your body". Kudos to her - she really did give me strength and I felt great. She pointed out that time with newborn is precious and nothing should get int he way of it - not feeding issues, not struggling to breastfeed...nothing. If it made it easier for me, then that's what I should do.
Come to think of it, I'm going to send her a Thank you note!
I wish everyone was like that.

The HV was so nice until the EBF. And she wrote the 'problem with infant feeding' on the yellow form that gets sent somewhere else - when to my mind there is no problem!

Oh I am so upset about this!! :(

:( :(

The HV has been very insensitive and she should be aware of this.

Expressed breastfeeding can be hard work; it is not the same as direct breastfeeding for the baby in several ways, but from the physical health POV, it is better for the baby than formula, no doubt about that. It is also better for you than formula, because it is satisfying your (perfectly justifiable!) need for your baby to have breastmilk.

It sounds to me as if you have made an informed choice to do this, and the HV is wrong to label it in writing as a 'problem' - but she is right to somehow help you realise that long term expressing is difficult to sustain...but not in the way she has done it.

I agree she needs to know she has upset you :(

you're really doing the best thing for your baby.

maybe she read it wrong and thought you were having problems with him taking the breast and therefore had done this to make it easier than trying?

I can't see where the problem is - you're giving him the best of both worlds - breast milk and being able to give him to someone else to feed, and have spares on hand in an emergency/quick need to go out type thing.

I know it's hard to sustain, but to be honest, I'm not going to be precious about it. If it gets to the point where baby needs more than I can express, then he will get formula. Which is fine. I have no issue with that. There will be no lost sleep here over formula feeding!
I got to 6 months with ds1 using my stores I had built up (used my EBF freezer stash to wean too) and after that used formula for a top up for food after supply dried up. I envision the same happening again.

I understand her concerns, but she didn't even take the time to listen.

And as a result she has made me battle myself again over this :( Which I do not need.

Think am going to have to try and talk to her about this before she comes back in 2 weeks.

Am totally not geared up for a battle though yet.
Ugh! Why do people have such power to make me feel like this!?

Can you maybe swap HV?

If she was good with the PND stuff it might be worth trying to salvage the relationship though? Maybe she didn't realise how she came across.

Instead of gearing up for a battle, maybe you could say something like "when I saw you wrote there was a problem with feeding I felt undermined/upset - I understand it's not a common choice but I have done this before and it works for me and my family so I'd appreciate your support"

Hopefully she would apologise for upsetting you!

I agree you should print out your OP (re wording to suit) and mail it to your HV, GP and anyone else you can think of.

The situation is this: you have made an informed choice about feeding your baby - one that works well for you, your ds, your dh etc - and have faced discouragement from this perfect solution from a HCP. Why? Are you endangering your baby? Are you harming yourself? Are you making life miserable for those around you? No! You are in the lucky position of having lots of milk and making everyone - especially YOU - very happy with your wise choice.

The woman is was is known in medical circles as, I believe, a "dunderhead".

You don't fit into her narrow category for feeding. She is unwilling or unable to listen and learn. This is a terrible quality in a HV. So yes, good with PND issues (recent training, perhaps?) but woefully unimaginitive and ignorant of the variance in feeding a baby. I know 2 people who gave their babies EBF only for months and months (as in 6+) due to crap latch issues, iirc.

You carry on, you're doing everything right.

She is very insensitive. Stupid woman - she's just jealous you are such a milk-machine (wish I had been - had to pump for hours for a couple of drops!)

Thanks so much everyone :)

Shall try a measured non-horonal discussion rather than a battle, of course!

Can't believe how crap she made me feel after coming so far.

I think she thinks the EBF would be a contributing factor to recurrent PND (if I was unlucky enough to suffer again).

Just need to explain carefully that it's far from!