is it necessary to night-wean, or do babies do it naturally?

[mollysmum82]

I would love some impartial advice/opinions on this from the oh-so-wise mumsnetters!

My daughter is 14 months old and usually wakes twice in the night for a breastfeed (bed at 7ish, feed at 1ish and 5ish then up at 7ish again) When she's ill/teething its a lot more than this (sometimes every half hour to hour) and once or twice she has slept all the way through to 5am.

Although I'm a bit tired I was happy to continue the night feeds as I thought this was the best thing for her. However the Health Visitor recently said that I should just be giving her water only at night and that by continuing to feed her I am teaching my daughter to be hungry at those times. She said that this is unfair on my daughter as she should be getting a good nights sleep at this stage but by continuing to feed her I'm continuing to make her wake up. She also said that I'm giving my daughter bad sleep-associations, teaching her that she needs a breastfeed in order to fall asleep.

Unfortunately my husband has also jumped on this bandwagon now and wants me to night-wean. He thinks I'm a being a bit lazy by "just sticking her on the boob" in his words when she wakes, rather than working hard to get my daughter to settle herself.

I really can't bear to hear my daughter cry and just want to comfort her the best way I can when she wakes up upset. However, how long do you think I should do this for? I could never do controlled crying but when should I move from breastfeeds to just cuddles? Should I be trying to help my daughter to settle herself? My husband worries that if I give in to every whim I'm leading my daughter to bad behavioural problems in the future.

So I just wanted to know other people's views. When did your baby night-wean? Did you encourage this or did it happen naturally? I'm a really doing my daughter a dis-service by continuing to feed her? The Health Visitor brought it up because she felt my daughter wasn't having enough solids in the day. But surely if she's feeding at night she's getting all the calories she needs?

Many thanks in advance

I'm sure it doesn't continue forever! But you have probably done your fair share...

I encouraged DS to night wean very gently. I found this really helpful. And the No Cry Sleep Solution.

Hi,

I was you about until about a month ago (and also co-sleeping, not sure if you are).

When my DS turned 1 I decided that there were no signs of him self-weaning, and tbh, I had had enough of the night feeds.

My cousin leant me the Baby Whisperer, which I read a very small bit of (about chapter), and basically I decided to try the "shush/ pat" method.

Within 4 days my DS was sleeping through the night in his own cot (Ok, waking up ate 5.30..) but this is from going to bed at 6.30.

I realise now that he was not hungry - in fact when he wakes in the morning he does not leap on me for milk, he waits til it is offered, about 15 mins after getting up.

It was habit, and you can help them break it. It does involve a bit of crying, but you're there with them, patting and shushing and the crying was not "distressed" at any time - just tired.

I feel really happy that DS can now settle himself to sleep, I am sure he must be happier with this, as there is no waking/ crying in the night now, and he seems more rested.

Happy to give more detils if you like.

I did the Jay Gordon night weaning method at 14 months or so. I've got her night weaned till 5 amish. She doesn't seem to be able to go longer.

Took about a week and there was a lot less crying that I thought there would be. Did it while co sleeping with her and then transitioned her back to her own bed a couple of weeks later.

But I'm not pushing it as I want to continue feeding her in the morning for a while as I get up at 6:30ish for work and it is easier to feed her at 5ish (and 6ish again) rather than in the 45 minutes or so when I'm racing around the house in the morning.

I really doubt she would have totally weaned herself without my insistence. She would occasionally sleep for a long stretch but more often not.

I sent my husband to deal with DD1 instead of me going to feed her 3 times a night. She was 10 months old and it took 3 nights until she was sleeping all night. He basically cuddled, shushed, rocked her and she soon got the message that there wasn't going to be any more night time milk.

Hi,

My DS is 13.5 months old and sleeps through 8 - atleast 5ish about 50% of the time with no special encouragement from me, so I guess they can just do it by themselves.

He sometimes goes back to sleep during the night if I just pick him up, but if he is at all wriggly and upset, I too take the 'lazy' option and give him a feed if he wants it so I and he can get back to sleep.

He was still feeding at least once a night up until a couple of months ago and it hasn't seemed to affect how much solids he takes. I don't see how he can be waking up looking for it, if he only sometimes wakes though? So that bit may be pants from your HV and if you are happy she might just cut down herself.

He mostly wakes when he is cold/has a cold/teething etc too it seems, just got two teeth at once this week he then slept through 3 days in a row!

Hope you get some more expert advice soon. :)

Of course she will night wean by herself eventually - she won't be wanting to co-sleep and breastfeed at the age of 20 :)

However it's up to you - do you feel happy with how things are going now, or have you had enough? DS is 2 and still feeds in the night, though we don't co-sleep all night every night any more. If you're thinking of allowing her to self wean then bear in mind she may well want to feed at night right until she stops which could be past 2 or 3 (all children lose the ability to breastfeed when their adult teeth come in - most stop before then if allowed to self wean. Average I've seen on here seems to be between 2 and 4.) This is absolutely fine as long as you are happy to do so - it's not going to "lead to behavioural problems" or anything else. Equally though if you've had enough there are fairly gentle ways to discourage night feeding.

x-post with lots of people as I was too slow!

And also, why is it lazy to do the thing that you know works? It's not harming her to do so, so it's logical to me. That's like saying it's lazy to use nappies, because you should watch your baby constantly and anticipate when they are about to wee or poo!

It shouldn't affect her solids intake at all at this age. Most babies drop their food intake sharply at a year - it's nothing to do with BF and more to do with their growth rate slowing suddenly. There is a brilliant La Leche League leaflet about breastfeeding your toddler and solid food - I can't remember the exact title. You should be able to order a copy from the website, or your local branch if you have one.

ds1 fed every two day and night until he was 10mos and i refused to do it any more. it was just habit and i was exhausted.

dh went into him and offered him water instead.

within three nights he slept through.

I wouldn't do anything, chances are she'll stop it within few months- at least that's how it happened with my DCs. First we co-slept, then they would wake up around 1 and I would take them to bed with me, then a few months later I would start putting them back after bf, then they slept through...DD is 21 months and usually sleeps through, sometimes she'll have a week of waking up (perhaps teething or growth spurt or something related), I'll bf her and then she'll want to go back to her cot.

If you don't mind it, I would just go with the flow.Your DD won't be waking up for a snack 3 times a night when a teenager just because you're being a lovely mummy to her now when she's still a baby.

Babies (and adults) naturally rouse between sleep cycles. We usually don't remember it. Feeding your baby back to sleep just means she wakes a little bit more between sleep cycles - enough to start feeding again. So I don't think you're being unfair to your daughter or teaching her to wake. That would only apply if she was up for long periods in the night, which it doesn't sound as if she is.

Personally I don't believe in 'bad' sleep associations. It's only 'bad' if it's causing you a problem. She can go back to sleep without feeding at least some of the time, or she'd be waking 6 or 7 times a night, after every sleep cycle. I don't think it's possible to say that a 14 month old 'shouldn't' want the comfort of bf in the night.

If you do want to reduce night feeds, I'd have a look at the No-Cry Sleep Solution. Many people find that their baby won't settle for them without bf and their DH has to do it instead.

I reduced my 7 m.o. DS's night feeds from 6 or 7 to just 1 by using some of the No-Cry ideas (without any trauma). It's back up to about 3 feeds now at 10 months, but that's to do with developmental issues, plus teething etc, which is fine.

I wouldn't worry about the issue of pandering to every whim. If you always let your toddler get their way, their behaviour would be hideous in the long run. If you never let them get their way, their behaviour would be hideous. There's a happy medium which involves allowing their needs to be met and gradually teaching them that that you (and others) have needs too. Personally I try to accommodate my DS's needs/wishes wherever I can, so that when I do have to refuse him something, he'll not feel that I'm just being nasty for the sake of it. (Obviously it'll be quite a while before he's capable of understanding that!) Your daughter will learn behaviour from the whole of her life with you, not just the nights. :)

And IMO, 'enough' solids in the day is as much as your daughter wants to eat, assuming you're letting her eat as much as she wants.

I'm more or less with your HV, it's very unlikely your DD actually needs food in the middle of the night, and you'd probably all be a bit better off for a solid night's sleep. If you offer water and cuddles instead when she wakes then it's likely that she'll stop waking within a week - but your milk supply
may suffer. Your choice, but your DHs opinion is not valueless.

But as you know from how your DD feeds more when ill/teething, night feeds are about comfort and reassurance, not just nutrition.

Even for adults, food is about so much more than just calorie intake - otherwise we'd be happy living off vitamin pills and glucose tablets. I couldn't handle that!

Not sure what your HV is on about you are not 'teaching' your DD to be hungry, what a load of crap. BF is about so much more than food, comfort is very important to young toddlers. It will not give your daughter bad behavioural problems to know that you will comfort her if she needs it.

It took 2 attempts for me to night-wean my DD, at 15ish months she wasn't ready but I tried again a few months later and it worked fine. She doesn't ask to be BF in the night now (at 2.1) but she still wakes up most nights so even if you night-wean there is no guarantee that your DD will sleep through.

Is there a LLL group near you? I go to one and there was loads of great advice from some of the other mums about night-weaning when you are BF and also about solid foods.

My HV told me not to worry about my DD not eating much solid food when she was around 14 mo, she was still getting an awful lot of breastmilk at that age but now she's a bit older she is more interested in solids.

If you're happy, carry on! Your DD's night feeding sounds completely normal to me, and I don't think your HV has given you very good advice at all.

I have found that different HVs give very different advice about breastfeeding, and that not all the advice given is accurate / evidence-based. It might be well worth getting in touch with a LLL group or similar in your area - it can help enormously to talk to other mums who are breastfeeding toddlers.$

I fed Ds in the night until he was over 2 - I think stopping feeding through the night for good coincided with me having DD, although he had had periods of sleeping through before then.
That was fairly trauma-less - DH was looking after him at night, so as soon as he woke he just went in for a cuddle with DH, which was all he really wanted.

not suggesting you do that, mind. dd is 13m, still feeds a lot at night &we are co sleeping on 1st wake. i want to either night wean or get her spending the night in hercot.

Aw thank you all so much for your replies, its so nice to have your support.

You're a wonderful lot really aren't you? :)