Breastfeeding under attack - advice sought!

[MammaToots]

I have a BF 5 week old DS. Nights are tough as DS will only sleep on me and so tired that constantly fall asleep while feeding. Real prob though is DH - v unsupportive about bfing, pressuring me to put DS on the bottle, thinks ff easier, more nutritious and doesn't believe "NHS propaganda" about benefits of BF! MIL not helping either. Feel like I am banging head against wall. How can I deal with this BF sabotage?

Kiwiinkits - self-settling at five weeks?! How on earth would we have survived millions of years of evolution if newborns were content to settle themselves, away from warmth, reassurance and safety (i.e. mum)?

These lovely snuggly baby days go by so fast, and soon they're squirming away from the cuddles to go and play. OP - you are doing a brilliant job from the sound of things, without much support from anyone. You will never regret doing this brilliant thing for your baby. Have confidence in your own instincts about this matter - perhaps, if you're not up to confrontation, plan a bland platitude for anyone who goes on the attack e.g. "Thanks for sharing your views." Repeat, ad infinitum, whilst inwardly humming to yourself as they talk. Of course, this is probably of more use with the MIL than H. H needs to realise he's talking utter rot, but he also needs to feel useful and bonded with baby - establish special time for them (bath / cuddles / walk around the block whilst you get some time to yourself). It sounds like things are tough for you both right now, but they really will get less bewildering and sleep-deprived soon and you'll be glad that you stuck with your instincts about bf.

Hit him round the head with a copy of 'The Politics of Breastfeeding'.
Or order it off Amazon, read it, and keep quoting bits at people. Everyone soon learned to shut up and leave me alone. It's a fantastic book and will certainly give you the determination to keep going.

I ebf my dd til 9 wks. Was going back to work at 12 wks so decided to introduce formula gradually. With the magic of formula I was so looking forward to 3 hrs between feeds, long stretches of sleep at night ... Ah bliss!! Well in my head it was cos in reality it never happened. After giving dd first 5 or 6 ozs of formula, I was all set for big long stretch b4 next feed. Well 90 mins later she was on the boob. at 16 wks, She goes about 2.5 hrs between formula feeds - v similar to what a bf baby would do. I can tell you, the bottles are a nuisance. If you move to formula, is your dh happy to do his share of the night feeds. I stil bf at night & my dh wakes up inthe morning & Says ' so tell me what happened last night!'.. This is certainly a man who knows the bfing is nearly as good for him as it is dd!!! You have done fantastically well, esp without lack of support. Some very good advice and comments from other posters

I was talking to a friend who has a baby 2 weeks older than mine this week, I BF, she FF from 1 week. My baby was born 2lbs smaller, and is now 4lbs heavier. Hers wakes several times a night, mine sleeps from 11 to 5. We are not an odd example. The myths about FF babies sleeping better and thriving more are complete bollocks. Some will do, others won't, babies are far more complicated than just how they feed.

You are doing what is best for your baby in your mind, that should be enough for DH to support you, before you even start on the medical evidence.

Well done, you are doing really well!

Whatever you do, don't fall for the "formula will make your baby sleep through the night" one...3 DCs, two were fully FFd by about 16/17 weeks, DC3 no formula, still BFing (13 months). None, NONE of them have slept through, except intermittently and with no rhyme nor reason, until about 18 months.

Am not trying to scare you! They all slept loads better once they got past about 12 weeks, but never all through the night. And it is much easier just popping junior on the breast at 3 am before he's worked himself up into a frenzy than all that palaver with heating bottles.

You are doing really well!

Mine did sleep longer after having 10pm formula, but perhaps it was just luck. Who knows?

You are giving your baby the best and you are doing a brilliant job, your DH just needs to support you while you do it.

Tiktok, my baby is five weeks and she self-settles very nicely and has done since week 2. Of course we had to teach her to do it with a consistent bedtime routine, a decent burp, then swaddling, then straight down into her hammock. I really really really don't want to come across as smug (and sorry if I do) I just think OP might be putting way too much pressure on herself. She shouldn't have to respond to every single squeaky noise from her baby, and accept that he "only sleeps on her", when it's perfectly acceptable for her to start to teach her baby how to calm himself. God you'd think I was advocating for some form of cruel abandonment!

Thank you everyone so much for such supportive and intelligent (and funny) comments and practical suggestions which have been really helpful. I feel very encouraged to carry on and will be able to counter further pressure to ff with calm, sensible arguments and science quotes rather than furious stuttering! Although I knew I was doing the right thing by bfing it's funny how you can start to doubt yourself when on the receiving end of this sort of pressure.

Hopefully, I will teach DS to settle himself in due course, when I am feeling a bit less crazed with sleep deprivation. Someone said to me the other day "If the baby were a kangaroo, he would be spending all his time in your pouch!".

Good for you, Mamma! Hang in there, its all worth it

also, about the self-settling - however much a mum thinks it was down to her "teaching", it is actually that probably the baby is the type that naturally settles itself down after a feed.

If your baby is not like that, then no amount of "teaching" is going to get him/her to self-settle...

you can start thinking about whether to gently encourage self-soothing MUCH later on (a year or two old or so)

anyway, YAY (again) for having the courage of your convictions on breastfeeding!

Haven't read the whole post so sorry I'd there is some repetition but just wanted to add some more experience that FF is not necessarily the easier option in the long run. DD is 3 months and BF she has a bottle of EBM at 11ish so DH can give it and I can go to. bed earlier. DNeph is 7 months and FF. In the earlier weeks DSis certainly seemed to have an easier time and I had some pressure to FF. However, at 3 months (which has passed so fast btw) things have settled down. Sis and family stayed over at the weekend. DH and BIL gave the babies their late feeds at the same time. Sis was up at 3am making up a bottle and again at 6.45. DD slept until 6.30am and then all I had to do was pick her up and feed her in my nice snuggly warm bed. Did I feel smug at that point, perhaps a little, but only because of the "better off on the" advice I'd had in the early weeks from her.

Well done so far and try to go with what you want to do. If you switch to FF because of pressure from others you will probably regret it. If you switch because you really want to then that's fine but don't be fooled into thinking it will be easier in the long run.

On the settling front I BFed my son at every squeek and he always fed to sleep and took a long time to sleep well. With DD I've tried to do the EASY ( eat activity sleep) routine, although go with DDs cues rather than clock and I have learnt much more quickly the difference between a hungry and tired cry and DD is much better at self settling and sleeping. That said they already seem to have very different personalities.

sorry for long post HTH!

I am also using the EASY (Eat Activity Sleep) routine and I'm sure that's one reason why our girl is straightforward to settle and to BF. At least I know where she is in her routine, and she gets the cues for eating and sleeping from me. For sleeping, once she's in her swaddle and has had a couple of 'shushes' from me she knows it's sleepy time.
I really don't want to be controvesial but I strongly believe it's not just what type of baby you have, it's what you do that influences how your baby is. So, OP, please for your own sake ask yourself what you can do to set up a better pattern of eating and sleeping for your LO. Take ownership of this problem: accept that it is at least partly of your own making.
(And between you and me OP, try to ignore the people who believe that you're somehow a bad mum if you're not permanently at your baby's beck and call: they're the ones who get to six months and wonder why their baby never sleeps and who wants to snack all the time instead of take a proper feed).