How do we co-sleep safely?

[lurcherlover]

I was terrified of co-sleeping before giving birth and really didn't think I'd want to do it, but DS is 3 days old and is refusing to sleep in his Moses basket next to the bed at night. He will happily sleep in there during the day in the living room, when I guess all the household noise reassures him, but at night he feeds, falls asleep on me, I put him down and he's screaming again until I pick him up, when he falls asleep straight away. I've tried for two nights putting him back, picking him up, putting him back (and getting no sleep), but last night we were just too exhausted. DH went and slept in the spare room, and I put DS on top of the duvet, level with my chest, and covered him with a cellular blanket to his armpits. I got in under the duvet next to him and we slept like that for four hours, it was bliss But I'm worried this is dangerous somehow - is it OK for him to be on top of the duvet or could this cause him to overheat? Is there a better way of co-sleeping? And is there any way we can do it with DH back in the bed? I'm really worried about one of us smothering DS, or about him overheating.

He needs to be on top of the duvet

Make sure all the pillows and cushions are well away from him

Ensure he cant get trapped anywhere - say between your bed and a wall

Are you breastfeeding?

I either sleep with ds on top of the duvet, or I place ds with his head above mine on the bed (so I know I won't accidentally pull it over his head as that would mean pulling it over my head iyswim).

I've found I sleep much less deeply when ds is next to me, and am aware of where he is even in my sleep. I usually sleep in the middle of the bed facing ds on one side of me and dp on the other side of me, but when we were on holiday recently ds slept on top of the duvet between us so he couldn't fall out of bed.

Dp did sleep on the sofa for the first couple of weeks til we were all a bit more confident though.

Oh, and it is usual and fine that your baby wants to sleep with you or on you

He has spent 9 months inside you ...

Co-sleeping is a great way of you all getting some sleep

For the first few nights DD slept on my chest

OK, so on top of the duvet is OK. I slept underneath it but with my arms out so I could touch him. I made sure he was well away from the pillows. I am breastfeeding, yes.

Our bed is in the middle of the room - while it's just me and DS I can make sure he's in the middle of the bed and there's no way he can fall out. If DH comes back in the bed is DS better being on the edge on my side rather than in the middle of us? And how do I make sure he doesn't fall out? I'm assuming putting a barrier up would be dangerous in case he got trapped.

If you breastfeed you will be very aware of your baby

I used to barely move an inch when I co- slept

I would think some kind of bed guard would be fine - or you could put so padding on the floor to cushion him if he did fall? I don't think dads have the same sense of where the baby is as mums do, so I'd be concerned about dp squashing him.

We actually have a bedside cot against my side of the bed, so ds can't fall out. He doesn't roll yet though so can't go anywhere anyway.

You can also tuck the edge of the duvet under you so it doesn't 'creep' in the night rather than putting baby on top as that can make baby a bit hot.

Have you tried an 'Apple Pie' bed for DS? A cot sheet folded so that the baby sleeps on top 2/3rds of it whilst the bottom 1/3rd is flipped up to cover him. That way baby is warm and on his own bedding (easier to change in the night!) and can't wriggle under the covers as if he wriggled down the covers would get shorter and shorter.

I currently co-sleep part time with DD3 (12.5m/o). She has her own blanket on my side and DH and I share the duvet (I'm in the middle). DH has jerry rigged the cot side from DD2's cot bed (she's using it as a bed now so doesn't need the sides) to the frame using bungee cords so that it can't move so that DD3 doesn't roll out in the night. You can buy bed guards or you could push the cot up against your bed side (you could attach it with bungee cords or cable ties to the bed frame so it couldn't move,

I could have written your post word for word 14months ago.

In the first few months when I was (overly) worried about dc getting under the duvet I moved it down the bed to waist level and tucked it under the mattress. I also got rid of all the pillows. As soon as she was big enough I put her in a sleeping bag which kept her warm.

There's the usual advice of not smoking/drinking/taking medication whilst cosleeping.

I'd highly recommend 'Three in a Bed' it is a super book for cosleepers and gave me lots of confidence as I felt like I was the only one doing it.

My daughter's seven months now and my biggest problem with co-sleeping, which we still do from time to time if she's having one of those nights, is that she's a wriggler and invariable ends up horizontal in the bed, kicking me in the kidneys. Ouch.

DD slept on my chest for about a week, then next to me with one of those barriers on the side of the bed. Then DH adapted her cot to attach to our bed by taking off a side, putting extensions on the legs to make the mattress the same height and padding the far side with towels to make sure there is no gap. This is great as she has her own space but I can hold her hand etc. It also hopefully means that we can move her gradually away from us when we want to. I also recommend getting a baby sleeping bag.

The only way my DC2 would sleep was in bed with me. I had a pillow behind him just in case he learnt how to roll over night and rolled out of bed (which he never did!) - probably not recommended on guidelines, but it worked for me.

I tried a cot side bed too, but it didn't work. DC2 only fell asleep on the boob and stayed put after he finished. Therefore if I used the cot next to the bed I literally had to lay in the cot to feed him so I could leave him to sleep, it was a lot more hassle!

On the plus down side, DH moved out of the bed as I didn't like the idea of all of us in there together. when DC2 fell asleep I scooted over to the other side of the bed (ahhh...space!) ....don't tell DH!

sorry forgot to add, this is a good leaflet on co sleeping.

www.babyfriendly.org.uk/pdfs/sharingbedleaflet.pdf

If you fancy reading up on the research sometime, then there's load of info here at Durham Uni's parent-infant sleep lab.

I think people find their own ways to make it work. Dp can certainly be in the bed with you but while dc is very little you shouldn't have the baby between you as dp doesn't have your spider sense where dc is concerned.

I went from being a very thrashy about sleeper to sleeping motionless curled around dd and a paed told me that there's some interesting research about mothers' 'defensive' sleeping when co sleeping.

We have a bed rail bought on Amazon but tbh it's only now that dd is starting to roll that we might need it. I used to sleep with her at face height because of the sheets but now she feeds lying down most of the night so we've adjusted accordingly.

I have to say that co-sleeping is the best thing we do. I love seeing her smile when she wakes up in the morning and sees me :)

When DD was very small I would put her on a soft towel on top of duvet. Initially this was after she'd been a bit pukey & we were fast running out of bed linen, but it became very clear that for us (I'd say more for DP because as a BF Mum I think you are very aware of baby in bed) it really helped define the baby's space in the bed. I think that the towel had a different texture helped. DD was in her sleeping bag which are really great as you don't need to worry about covers.

Hello,

I found co-sleeping in the early days was the only was myself and LO would get any sleep.

We have co-slept since day 1, and it really helped to establish my breastfeeding.

LO sleeps in the crook of my arm. We are tummy to tummy. I sleep naked (except for pjyama bottoms) and LO usually helps himself during the night.

I think people generally find their own way, but just make sure you don't use duvets, and make sure LO can't fall off the bed.

Ally

We used to put our son on top of the duvet - until we bought a massive organic silk duvet which was big enough to curl round him and cover us both up, until he was big enough to come under it too. They're great because they work in a completely different way than normal duvets - they help to regulate body temperature.

I second the three in a bed book.

I tried co-sleeping from the outset with DS2 after reading some evangelical threads on the subject on mumsnet.

I can honestly hand on heart say with DS2 I have only ever had 3 disturbed nights sleep since his birth and he is now 19 months. He feeds, we both sleep, he does not cry, it is just the most amazing invention of nature!

Follow all the safety guidelines and trust your instincts. Dh does sleep in another bed though!

I used blankets over me, and DS was swaddled, then wrapped in a cot blanket if it was cold. Later he was in a sleeping bag once he could stay asleep without swaddling.

We got a bed rail for peace of mind, but before that we put the kitchen chairs along the side of the bed with the backs against it so he couldn't fall out.

The 'classic' co-sleeping position is baby's head in line with your breasts, and your arm at right angles away from your head (like you were showing off your biceps!) which gives the baby protected space and helps keep your pillow away from them.