pressure to give up breast feeding, need facts on why to carry on past 6 months

[missytequila]

my family is driving me crazy and I dont know what to think or do anymore. my mother is pressuring me to keep breast feeding my 7 month old and my hubby is pressuring me to wean onto formula completely...

i would like to carry on a little bit and need some facts to combat my husband who thinks 6 months is more than enough..

however, i have started mix feeding, now 2 bottles a day, as I will be going back to work soon...but baby has not dropped any feeds and now started waking 3 times a night for breast.... am not sure what to do as I certainly dont want her to feed all night...

and its so hard to stand my ground when I have opposing people telling me different things

world health organisation recommends that babies should be breast fed for at least the first two years of life and beyond if choen to.

Benefits: free, gentle on their tummies, no sterilising, easily digested, a source of instanteneous comfort, a way to re-connect when you return from work

What is your husband's issue?

My DD is 13 months - DH been nothing but utterly and totally supportive

Do YOU want go stop?

Also it is good for you being linked with lower risk of various cancers and osteoperosis.

But it all comes down to what ruby says, do yuo want to stop?

Lots of reasons to continue but it depends what you want to do.

I've carried on way past the 1st 6 months and found bf invaluable when DS is ill (especially with tummy bugs) or injured and needs comfort.

Also a lovely way to reconnect after I went back to work.

DS woke in night for milk until 20 months -ish.
Haven't had experience with bottles of formula, but I imagine it's much easier to do middle of the night bf than bottle (unless DP is willing to share the night feeding).

Definitely second the idea of it being brilliant when a baby/toddler won't eat. DS just came down with chicken pox and is refusing almost everything except breastmilk. At least I know he's getting fluids, nutrients and comfort all at the same time! He is 14 months.

Has also been great when he's had tummy upset or fever, or has just fallen over and bonked his head.

Stand your ground, it's good for you and good for your baby. The night waking could be just a growth spurt. Also, formula does NOT guarantee sleeping through the night!

I think the convenience of BF is quite a convincing plus point.

What is/are your DH's reason(s) for wanting you to switch completely to formula?

That you and dc are not ready to stop should really be enough. With the greatest respect it's absolutely none of his business!

i am not sure why he is so against it... maybe because our only friends with babies stopped at 1,3,5 months...
I think he just thinks she should be sleeping through, and that she is becoming too attached/obsessed with my breasts... he wishes he could settle her..
his aunt says 6 months is enough, she raised her 4 kids on bottles in the 70s..???

i dont know what i want...
i do think its easier to breastfeed in the middle of the night.. but during the day I am starting not to like it. she pulls and bites and wrestles me and tugs a my breasts constantly which i no longer find sweet...

FF always sounds like a lot of hassle if you don't have to do it.

With a baby 6-12 months (so too young for cow's milk) I'd also resent the idea of paying formula companies for something I could make more cheaply and conveniently myself.

As pps have noted, BFing an older baby/toddler really is great when they're ill and can't eat or drink much else.

I think the people pressuring you to give up BF should come up with some good reasons for it.

I understand your frustration with some of the downsides of breastfeeding an older baby (pulling, biting etc). It can get you down a bit, but you can get past it by instilling some nursing manners (I think there's a section on the Kellymom website about that).

However, for me (I'm nursing my 2.8yo and 5 month old atm), the benefits have outweighed the negatives. It was VERY beneficial for me and DS1 to still be nursing when I returning to work. It allowed us to reconnect after being apart and was something we both looked forward to. Apart from all the other excellent reasons to continue, the ability to nurse through illness really was useful (nutritionally and for comfort).

I would try to carry on for a bit (especially through your return to work) and see how you feel.

Regarding his idea that she's becoming too attached. Research into attachment would suggest that by bf-ing on demand you are encouraging a secure attachment. Ultimately this will make her more secure as an individual, more likely to form secure attachments with others and, most likely happier. A bit of waking up now might equate to fewer nights wondering who she's with when she's 15 (or 35). I'm not saying that ff babies can't do that but if his central problem with bf-ing is with the attachment he needs to understand baby and child psychology a bit better IMHO.

If he needs to hear this from a (male?) with a big fancy degree and not just from you he could read 'How Not to F**k Them Up' by Oliver James who is a psychotherapist who writes for the Times, which I'm recommending with monotonous regularity at the moment.

Will his aunt be making lots of your parenting decisions? Because as a couple you might want to discuss that too. :)

I bf-ed DD to nearly 2 years. At about 10-12 months all the extra baby weight miraculously disappeared ;-)
Yes I know this is a bit of a silly reason, I always quote the WHO recommendation to feed to 2 years. Do you know anyone else in real life who is feeding an older baby or a toddler? I think a lot of people (like maybe your DH) just don't think it's the norm. Maybe they just don't know anyone who's done it?

Also btw yes lots of other people do stop, it is hard sometimes. It would be nice if he could praise you a bit for something that is a bit of an achievement maybe?

Just say you don't want to stop.

Why are you letting them pressure you?
Why on earth do they think they can pressure you?!

You say the BF-ing during the day is getting down - surely this will stop being a problem when you're at work as she'll be FF when you're not there. This may make her more well behaved / eager to feed when you get back together after some time apart.

I would try to keep the bedtime / night BF-ing until she's a year - that way you won't have to worry about all the sterilising faff in the night and can go on to bottles of cow milk at 12 mths should you choose. I feed DD1 til she was 22 mths & DD2 is 6 mths and showing no signs of losing interest. As the solids intake increases she may sleep through more - we've gone from 3 hours sleeps to almost 7 in the last three weeks of eating more solids at suppertime.

It certainly very helpful if they are ill / have a cold as it's often all they'll eat - so perhaps worth keeping going til after the winter. The actual action of sucking whilst lying on their sides (as opposed to lying on their backs sucking a bottle) seems to reduce / help prevent ear infections.

In the end it's up to you - how do you feel? If you're unhappy and she's prepared to drink formula (which neither of my DD's would / will) then do what's best for you & your marriage since that should outlast the breast feeding.

I have been told that bf toddlers get ill less often (maybe try kellymom to back this up with stats?)

Infact that ambiguous 2yo and beyond thing is only because there have been no studies looking at children older than this (though imo it's safe to assume that the bennefits continue...why wouldthey stop overnight on the 2nd birthday?) [hsmile]

Oh yes - the cost of FF! Why would you pay for something which you produce completely for free? With my DD, I found that after 6 months DH was able to settle her a lot easier despite his lack of breasts and she wasn't always being fed to sleep.

Is the lack of sleeping through a big problem for either of you? If not, and he just thinks she "should" be sleeping through, then it's not a factor in your decision about BF vs FF. BTW, my DD slept through at 8 months and I continued BF until 12 months, so it's not necessarily the case that she won't sleep through until you stop BF. And I know of plenty of other babies who slept through earlier "despite" being BF.

With your baby being too attached to your breasts - I have to say I think there is nothing more lovely than a baby enjoying wonderful breast milk which is her primary source of nutrition and which her life depends on. And enjoying being close and nurtured by her mother. She is only 7 months old - she should be healthily attached to you. Definitely worth reading about "attachment parenting" (try googling Dr Sears) for some well-put words on why attached babies can actually be more secure than those who are encouraged to be "independent" at a very young age.

I totally sympathise with the irritation of a bigger baby messing about while feeding - might be worth starting another thread about that - my DD as an older baby had a couple of habits which drove me mad (pinching my flesh on my side while feeding, and fiddling with my collarbone especially really annoyed me) but I just thought I would find the hassle and cost of FF more annoying!

Agree with DialMforMother about his aunt .

Good luck making your mind up.

Post 6 months is the easy time for breastfeeding. It's so much easier than making up bottles. And it's really quick - 10 minutes (well, soon it will be that quick). My DD is 20 months and I never expected to be BFing still (twice a day) but it's just so convenient.

I had to see a paediatrician with my DS at 9 months and he was so pleased I was still BFing as it was so valuable to the child.

Decide what you want to do and then stand firm and tell them both to leave you alone.

i know how you feel. my dh was on at me to stop bf ds2 from 3 months. i recently weaned ds2 at dh's insistence (at 2.9yrs) and i do resent that it was not my decision, and certainly not ds2's. my dh thought it would make bedtime easier and, as i predicted, it is actually harder to get ds to sleep. but dh is hardly ever here anyway at bedtime! (sorry, can you tell i'm cross about this! and a bit bitter )

i would say do what you want, as once weaned it is very very hard to go back.

ff is a faff, not as good as bf, and expensive. you have done the hard work in the early days establishing bf. with winter coming up bf would be extra good at fighting off colds (there is some research that working mums of bf babies take less time off)

good luck and to all these unsupportive dh like mine!

Because it's so convenient!

because its free

Because no one has the right to tell you to stop breastfeeding until you / your DC are ready.

weasel that is awfull.

Because it's so good when they're ill - have just had two nights of ill toddler ds and bm is all he'll take at the moment - would have got substantially less sleep without it.

And what SirBoob said.