12 weeks in and still no routine

[ellnlol]

Our 12 wo bf dd has had a whole series of 'hiccups' - iv antibiotics at birth (precautionary), dermatitis, thrush, also has silent reflux... Feel like we lurch from one issue (and medication) to the next and everytime we have two consecutive days that look a bit samey I think we have a routine! But the bottom line is, we don't. She can go 3+ hrs between feeds, or 40 minutes (not just in the evenings). She might sleep on and off all day, but might just take 2x30 minute naps. She might sleep most of the night, waking once for a quick feed, or be up every 40 mins - 1 hour.
I've tried to 'take control' and introduce some semblance of order, but we were both so miserable that I gave up after 2 days!
I guess my question is: is this normal/ok? She's coming up 3 months and lots of people seem to think it's weird still not being in a routine. I'm pretty happy, but find it hard never knowing what she'll want/need, especially if we're out. Have others waited this long/longer to establish routines, did they initiate it or wait for dc to 'find' their own? What if that never happens? .

DS is 6 mnths and doesn't have a routine, except he always wants a feed at 11pm, but apart from that he does his own thing. We just go with the flow and he is a very happy baby :-)

Try not to worry- routines are over rated! She might eventually settle into patterns that can be encouraged or she might not. If she's doing well and you're cool with it go with the flow. And this is a bit rich coming from me but also try to ignore other people!

ds is 16 wks and I was beginning to think we were finding some kind of routine over the last few days. But now its gone all over the place again (growth spurt I presume).

I do find it frustrating, trying to plan anything and predict what he will need at the time. But am just trying to go with the flow because as you said, imposing a routine can make you both stressed. Things are changing so quickly with him at the moment that I'm just presuming it WILL happen at some point in the future.

6 months today, and still no routine

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I think of routines as being for people who are having real sleep or feeding problems. If you're all healthy and happy, I don't think you need to clockwatch.

DD has always slept mainly at night (thankfully), generally naps twice a day after a big feed or meal wherever she happens to be at the time (sling, sofa, mat on the floor etc..), and was was BF'd on demand. Now at 20 months, she keeps roughly the same bedtime as us, gets up slightly later, eats solid food + cows milk at mealtimes and BM whenever I'm there (morning, night and weekends). Our only problem is keeping up with her boundless energy during waking hours...

Trying to impose a timetable on our lives would be stressful and unnecessary for everyone.

My dd1 had reflux which wasn't diagnosed until she was nearly 4 months (despite my efforts) so feeds and sleeps were all over the place. I thought the magical routine would never happen but it did very easily once she was eating 3 small meals a day with milk feeds in between. The reflux improved and she starting sleeping about 11 hours at night. Never managed a day time nap routine though. You've got loads of time for routines.

I'm far more relaxed with 8 week old dd2. She'll get there in her own time (I hope!).

5 months - our very strictly controlled routine is: she does what she wants when she wants and I get to sleep for more than 90 minutes sometimes. I get ' the routine' conversation all the time and people keep lending me books by she-who-will-not-be-named but dd is very happy.
For an antidote to routines you could read 'How Not to Fuck Them Up' by Oliver James which is very good on bf on demand, cosleeping etc.

Yes normal, yes ok. I followed DS mainly, taking a note of what he did for a few days and then that gave me an idea of what to expect, e.g. that he would sleep most of the morning and very little in the afternoon. Then did it again when his natural pattern seemed to change. Our only major intervention was to try and get him to sleep earlier in the evening.

Thanks all - feel 'normal' again . Will carry on, and get Oliver James' book!

What's a routine? (My DD is 11mo)

No, don't get Oliver James's book - he's a misogynist with serious issues about his own mother and will only make you feel guilty or filled with feminist rage (depending on your personality).