breastfeeding in front of inlaws

[lainey1981]

hello,

i am 36+5 with my first, and very much excited about his arrival and am planning on breastfeeding him.

My dp's mum is very excited and is constantly talking about coming to 'bond' with baby.
I am more than happy for in laws to come and visit as soon as we are home from hospital, but am a bit nervous about breastfeeding in front of them as I will imagine it's not something I or the baby will be great at straight away.

I don't want to have to go out of the room, as I will feel that they think I am being prudish (which I guess I am), and DPs mum was happy to breastfeed in front of me recently (she has a toddler herself), though it being her 5th child she had had plenty of practice and with a shawl was very discreet.

Also, what if DS takes an hour to feed - feel a bit bad if they arrive to see him and we disappear off for an hour.

Am I being silly? Should i get some kind of shawl or breastfeeding wrap to cover baby and my breast while he feeds? Or will some muslin cloth be sufficient?

AIBU to say that for the first couple of days I would prefer that DPs sisters (aged 18months, 10, and 15) don't come to visit too, I feel that having 5 people while I am trying to get baby latched on would prove a bit much for me. His sisters are very in your face and wouldn't think twice I'm sure about offering me advice as they deem themselves experts having recently helped out with their baby sister.

wish i didn't have these inhibitions, and am sure that after a few weeks of practice I won't be so worried [hopeful smiley] as we will be spending lots of time with them over christmas too

do what you feel comfortable with. Try not to feel pressured (easier said than done!)

If you find it too hard or embarrasing, leave the room. If you don't want to do that, use a cover. Thats what I did, because the blokes in particular found it particularly hard to deal with talking to me whilst I was bf (even with a cover on)

My mother on the other hand, thought it was perfectly fine to come and pull the cover out and peer down my front. Since she's practically a stranger to me (long story that) I found this beyond intrusive. I guess she thought as she gave birth to me she had every right to see my baby feeding.

I was the same at first, I used to go into another room and with baby cluster feeding lots, felt like i was out of the room more than in it,.
As time went on I would feed in front of people if I absolutely HAD to but used to express milk to take out if I knew baby would need fed at someone else's house.
I hgave now been breastfeeding DD for 8 months and have no problem feeding her anywhere; in front of family, friends, in public (something I NEVER thought I would do!). As you get more experienced, its easier to latch the baby on and if you feed in front of a mirror you will see that you cant see anything except the back of the baby's head. I've only ever had one bad experience in public of a very rude man staring, nobody else has appeared to notice or if they have, have been polite enough not to stare.

"I really didn't appreciate friends staying put and assuring me that I should carry on and feed in front of them"

Absolutely. I wouldn't give two hoots if my MIL was comfortable with me breastfeeding in front of her, I am not comfortable so would go and do it somewhere else if she insisted on sticking around.

It is no bad thing at all to have a few days to yourselves getting used to the baby, and learning to bf. You may find if you do this you are more comfortable about feeding when ILs come over. If not, well then go to another room - say that the baby is easily distracted etc. DD seemed to know what she was doing from the get go, so I was lucky, but my own mum and dad didn't come for the first week, and ILs the week after, so we had space to get used to being a family. I was fine feeding in front of others/at Starbucks etc, but I fully accept that others may not be. I am lucky/unlucky enough to have v small boobs, and I have been told that it makes discreet bf easier as you don't have to wrestle to keep them escaping anywhere!

FWIW it took me about 4-5 weeks to feel completely au fait with the bf-ing. After that point I happily got them out in front of all sorts of people and in all kinds of places but prior to that I found it waaaay easier to go upstairs and sit in bed.

The key thing I found is to be relaxed and comfy and I think that's quite hard at first - I was so worried about giving people an eyeful, and getting the latch right, and holding DD in the right position etc. on top of which (not to be negative but it is quite common) and you may well be in some pain, have mastitis, generally not be feeling tiptop having just given birth. If you feel comfy feeding with everyone around then go for it. If you don't then take yourself off somewhere. I agree with others who've said that when it comes to it you won't care about other people's feelings - when your baby needs feeding, it needs feeding and you have to do it however is easiest for you.

People saying they are comfortable with you doing it are only trying to put you at ease, but it can be tricky to get the hang of at first and you might not want everyone scrutinising your first attempts. Like doing a card trick, you'd probably practise it on your own before doing it in front of friends and relations.

if you don't want to look 'prudish' but you don't want an audience blame the baby!

My DC would not concentrate to bf if there was any noise or activity in the room so it was a great excuse to find a quiet room to bf in.

thank you all so much for taking the time to reply so thoroughly!
I am sure i'll be back on here in a few weeks needing some more help/advice once he's here...

My DD is now 8 days old and we've yet to have visitors. This was a concious desicion that we made before she arrived, largely because I was worried about breast feeding and didn't want an audience as we learnt this new skill. As it is it's going very well and I even managed to feed her in John Lewis cafe today. (Very proud of myself).

However, I definately don't regret the delay in visitors. My parents are coming this weekend and whilst I have had some flack from them I wouldn't change the wonderful week our little family of 3 have had together to get to know each other.