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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

a bit shy about 'still' bf a 13 month old...

21 replies

jaggythistle · 22/10/2010 06:44

Only a few of my friends and family know that DS still has 2 or 3 feeds a day . My mum is getting a bit edgy as she has the anything after 1 is a bit wrong cut off, despite being otherwise v supportive!

i just feel all kind of defensive about it and worry if it's going to come up in conversation. before he was 1 it was easier to say i wasn't bothering with formula, too much hassle etc, but not many people seem to know it's still good for older babies and toddlers.

me being all defensive seems kind of stupid of me as DS and i are quite happy. just snuggled him back to sleep with a wee feed easily at 6 am anyway. :-)

i am quite well informed having read loads on Kellymom and enjoyed The Politics of Breastfeeding.
just wish i had a bit more confidence sometimes.

suppose that's more about my personality and worrying too much about what other people think though Blush

any tips on not being a worrier welcome :-) thanks for reading my ramble!

OP posts:
Original poster
jaggythistle · 22/10/2010 06:49

sorry about double post. that took ages and nearly crashed my phone as well!

OP posts:
mnistooaddictive · 22/10/2010 07:14

My sil kept feeding my niece until she was 18 months but denied it if asked! You don' t have to tell anyone. Other proletariat will always disapprove of something you do do just ignore.

piscesmoon · 22/10/2010 07:19

I would have thought that what you are doing at 6am isn't anything to worry about. I can't see the difficulty-there is much more freedom when they are old enough for a balanced diet. They can just have a drink and a sandwich when out-like anyone else and wait until they get home.

TorturesInAHalfHell · 22/10/2010 07:24

I found that once mine was that age, the issue just never came up. Mums with older/same aged children were either still breastfeeding themselves, or they'd stopped and therefore couldn't be the least interested in talking about it with me. Mums with younger children tended to want to know about things pertaining to children their age not mine.

And because it was only evenings/nights/mornings by then, it was completely discreet. Not from any embarrassment, just because by then cow's milk during the day was fine by both of us and I could wear dresses again.

So I don't know how you can be more confident, but I do know that for me and my friends it was a complete non-issue.

piscesmoon · 22/10/2010 07:26

13 months isn't very old.

activityApple · 22/10/2010 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bucharest · 22/10/2010 07:42

13 mths is still under the recommended 2 yrs, so nothing at all to worry about. The naysayers are just ignorant.

Lynzjam · 22/10/2010 07:44

People are going to have their opinions about it unfortunately but I too would be like you and worrying what other folk think!

My aunt asked me the other day about when I go back to work and will I be giving up the breastfeeding then? I explained that there was a room with a fridge and seat made available for expressing (thanks to jaggythistle - for anyone reading this we work together!) My aunt said I'd need to get my life back and my mum mentioned something about teeth etc but I just laughed. They are from that generation when formula was promoted. So I can understand why they feel that way but it's not going to stop me if I decide to continue to breastfeed.

At the end of day you have a gorgeous, happy, confident wee boy and you have the support from your husband so that's all that matters!

Just wish breastfeeding was considered the norm and that no one batted an eyelid about it. Maybe when our kids have kids it will be like that!

SpiderWilliam · 22/10/2010 08:20

I BF DS till he was 15 months when I got fed up of him thrashing around and bashing me during feeds.

I hated the way the question "Are you still bf?" tends to be phrased, even if the person asking the question doesn't intend it to sound critical and infact they are just being nosey. I found the best answer which (hopefully) sounds neither defensive or militant was "I don't have an exit strategy at the moment." said with a smile and a shrug.

You are doing a great thing for you and your child, just remind yourself of that and don't be embarassed. HTH Smile

TrinityRhino · 22/10/2010 08:26

13 months is still very young, you're doing great

whatever makes you and your son happy

I still feed gecko in public and she is

3 and a half Grin

EauRouge · 22/10/2010 08:29

I'm still feeding 2 yo DD, people do eventually stop asking when you are going to stop. My standard reply if people asked when we were planning to stop is 'ask her' Grin.

I also started going to LLL meetings when I didn't know anyone that was still feeding a toddler and it was brilliant to meet other BF mums, is there anything like that near you?

tiktok · 22/10/2010 08:57

Just on a point of info: there is no recommended upper limit to bf....not 2 years, not 3 years, not anything!

Bucharest - why do you say 'recommended 2 years?'

WHO talks about '2 years and beyond' - is that what you mean?

So no cut off time at all :)

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 22/10/2010 09:02

definitely get yourself to a LLL meeting or an MN meetup (IME there's little difference :))
If anyone asks, you just need to say you don't plan to force weaning.

TR - I am impressed! I haven't fed DS in public since he was about 2 (that was at an MN meetup). I would now at a LLL meeting, but he is on night time only.

Brollyflower · 22/10/2010 09:22

Are you concerned about feeding in front of people? Or them asking nosy questions? Or them forming judgements of you if you admit it?

It's helpful sometimes to think through which aspect bothers you the most, as then it's easier to think through how you might handle your feelings, their responses and any response you make.

It's perfectly OK to feel defensive, just as it's perfectly OK to feel anything else. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you continuing to bf, it's just an understandable reaction to your expectation of people's responses to you.

Some people choose to avoid feeding in situations where awkward questions might be asked and maybe take extra snacks or something. Others bf anyway, but refuse to engage in conversation on the topic, others feel more confidant and will engage in a debate and try to educate others on the reasons for bf a child that age. No doubt there are other solutions too. The question is what will work for you?

neverquitesure · 22/10/2010 11:11

Oh crikey. No advice but I've just passed the 6 month mark with DD and and so have been lurking on this forum to prepare myself for the onslaught from DH's family this weekend.

So far I have..

Q: "Why are you still bfing?/When are you giving up"
A: (my 6-12 month reply) "I don't see the point in weaning her onto a bottle of formula only to have to wean her off it again in another 6 months, especially when bfing is quicker and easier for us both"
A: (my 12 months + reply) "We are weaning, just very slowly. No rush."
(Note that I am completely ignoring the health benefits, Dept of Health and WHO recommendations since no one in DH's family believes them anyway)

I'm still search for answers to the following questions if anyone can help. They need to be nice friendly replies as DH's family are actually very nice people Smile. It is completely pointless quoting research/official recommendations/etc as MIL raised 2 children on formula and they are both fine Hmm

Q: "You'll damage her teeth"
Q: "You'll rot her teeth" (thanks very much Clare what's-her-face off GMTV!!)
Q: "She doesn't need it" (ok, so that's more of a statement but yswim)

I'm sure I'll think of more later.

PS. Sorry for the thread hijack!

EauRouge · 22/10/2010 11:17

Here and here are some evidence-based articles but if your MiL won't listen to scientific research then I think all you can say is "it's working really well for us, I'm so pleased we've got this far and DD is so healthy" and then just smile in a way that suggests it is not up for discussion. Wink

Best of luck with your in-laws! :)

Woodlands · 22/10/2010 12:37

It's odd how other people's attitudes can make us feel, and how things have changed. My DS is only 3 months so we haven't got to this stage yet, but it is the assumption everywhere that you stop at 6 months. A dear old lady I know was asking me how long I planned to breastfeed for - she said "I fed mine till they were 9 months old!" as if this was an incredibly long time.

Good for you for carrying on and I hope you are able to get over the shyness!

Original poster
jaggythistle · 22/10/2010 22:51

thanks all.

fancy an LLL meeting then lynzjam? ;-)

i know myself that i am not being weird and that 13 months is nothing really! i am almost disappointed that DS doesn't demand to feed much these days so i haven't fed him anywhere more public than the back of my car for weeks. swizzed! i guess it might be cos i am working full time so he doesn't look for it so much.

OP posts:
HoneyIatethekidsdragon · 22/10/2010 22:58

neverquitesure - I need help on the teeth one, my hv told me I should stop bf as night feding would damage her teeth - but formula wouldn't??Hmm

Lynzjam · 23/10/2010 01:33

What's an LLL meeting?

Original poster
jaggythistle · 23/10/2010 06:24

there is definitely some info, or a page of links on Kellymom about bf and teeth. it is definitely not worse than formula Shock especially as most of the bm doesn't touch the teeth because of where the nipple sits in the mouth. (i think)

www.laleche.org.uk LLL website for lynzjam Wink

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