Child led weaning from bf

[April09]

For those who did child led weaning from breastfeeding, what age did your nursling wean? I have a DD aged 18 months who loves feeding and we have fed on demand since birth and cosleep. However, I am pretty much ready to be done though she is not. I could handle feeding for a bit longer but don't want to be feeding her until she is 4 or 5.....On the other hand I'm not sure I want to wean her if she isn't ready which she clearly isn't at the moment.....Any advice gratefully received.

Weeeellll... the advice is to feed until they're at least 2.

So putting off thinking about weaning seemed easy enough for me.

DS is 2 and a half now, and I think I'd like to stop before his 3rd birthday, but I'm going to play it by ear.

We haven't co-slept, and dropped DS before bed feed a few months ago to remove me from the bedtime routine. Apart from that I usually feed him when he wants, but will prob try and avoid him asking from now iyswim. He doesn't ask when we're out or busy.

Agreed with vastingavay - 2 is the minimum recommended tme to nurse. Kathy Dettwyler (anthropologist) has determined the age of natural weaning for humans to be between 2.5 and 7 years old. She has a great article here on why that is.

DD1 self weaned at 3.6 y/o.
DD2 is 2.11 y/o and nursing (as is DD3 12 m/o).

It doesn't have to be on demand feeding until they are 7 though (of course if that's what works for your family then great) you can set boundaries, time limits, only nurse X times a day, operate a voucher system (a marble in exchange for a feed), what ever suits you and DC.

I usually start introducing nursing manners from quite young (about 12m/o) through if something really annoys me I try to knock it on the head earlier. I haven't done this with DD3 though as she/I have been very ill this year so haven't had the heart to be really strict on nursing manners with her as I've been grateful she still nursing . She's a honker, she likes to grope anyone with boobs and constantly has her hand done someones top - it's like feeding a boob obsessed teenager!

I do have the following rules:-

No twiddling
No feeding on the toilet (I got mugged on the loo once and never again!)
Be polite and ask BEFORE nursing (Please and Thank Yous)
No biting
When I say all done the feed is all done.

I do let them have their little quirks though so it's not all about me. DD2 has to have both sides ('this side bah pease' and 'other side bah pease') and DD1 was a very frequent feeder even a short while before she weaned.

Seven? I really dont understand it?

I am going to be unpopular, but can people here see WHY joe public have a distorted view of BF when they see a 3/4/5/6 and 7 (!!!!) year old child feeding from (or as they see it 'sucking on') its mothers breast.

I am not trying to stir, I jsut feel that if a child is old enough to understand the rules as aboven then, in my book, they are maybe old enough not to feed from the breast?

Each to thier own, I fully respect BFing and the benefts it bring - but when/is there a 'too far'?

Why is too old if it can understand?
That may be your opinion, but I hope you can see that it's not logical.

What is distorted about seeing a three year old breastfeeding? Why would that distort anything for them? It's healthy.

toddlerwrangler - why don't you read the article TruthSweet linked to? Then you might understand it.
We curtail BF really early , on the whole, in our society.

April09 - Have you tried reading How Weaning Happens or 'Mothering your nursing Toddler'?

Both excellent book that might be helpfull to you.

Fwiw I would be quite happy for DS2 (3.4) to stop but he still wants to and, IMO anyway and DH's, needs it emotionally. How I would force him to wean I don't know but he's gone from anything between 2 &7 nursings a day over the summer to 1 or twice a day now. HTH

It is my opinoin, and is perfectly logical to me! My post would suggest I find it a tad odd to BF older children (and in my book if they are old enough to understand that list in detail they are old enough to not need to bF), but I wouldnt say it was not logical.

But, anyway, I shall go back to my original point as I can see your keen on older children feeding .... can you see why 'Joe Public' are uncomfortable with the idea of an odler child BF?

I have my own thoughts on why it is done, but dont want to take things off course.

Again - I shall reiterate, I come in peace. I am bemused by people who do BF into later years, but am very interted to hear from people who have made the choice to do so :)

vastingavay - maybe when they are old enough to ask for a kiss/hug and understand that to have a story read to them they need to sit still they are too old for that too, eh? [hwink]

What a lovely article TruthSweet - so very interesting to read a summary of some of the research done on weaning. We are primates after all!

toddler, how is it logical? Could you give some reasons as to why being able to understand 'nursing manners' means my son shouldn't nurse?

My older son suddenly stopped at around 2 years and 9 months, at a time when he stopped wearing nappies day and night. It was as if he suddenly decided to grow up.

In the few weeks before he stopped, his feeding increased significantly. I had a newborn too, and I felt like I did nothing else but feed. I think he began to find feeding difficult, because whenever he fed it hurt a little, even though my newborn's latch didn't.

I fully expect my younger son to feed for a similar length of time, and if he does, I will have breastfed continuously for 5 years. Amazing really, as when DS was born I was under the impression that babies were breastfed for 6 months and then stopped. Mumsnet changed that impression for me!

toddlerwrangler,do you find all sources of comfort that children have weird, or just breastfeeding?

My 30mo ds has just stopped. He was only on one morning feed a day, and used to pass me the cushion I used specially to prop myself up on and then get up to feed. Thought it was pretty decent of him actually.

Thing is once you stop bfing a baby/child, whatever age they are, it is hard to then envision feeding the said child at an older age. The link is broken. So I stopped with dd1 at 10ms, I couldn't imagine feeding over 1yo. I stopped with dd2 at 20ms and couldn't see feeding beyond 2yo. I then fed beyond 2yo with ds and it all felt normal.

And got to say, aside from a documentary every few years on TV, when exactly does 'Joe Public' see all these older children being breastfed? But yep, it will seem strange in a society that sees feeding after 6 weeks as taking it too far.

Sorry guys, will come back to this in more detail later, and will look at the link that was re posted (thank you Wotmania). Alfie currently attempting to insert the cat into his (very small) postbox!

Toddler - I can understand why 'Joe Public' is uncomfortable with the idea; this doesn't make their attitude okay or right.
We live in a society where breastmilk is seen as for babies. Anthropologically and historically (up until very recently) this issn't the case.
Why should my children suffer because our society (adults) have an unnatural hang up about the sexual nature of breasts.
I've used my mouth and hands for sexual activities but that doesn't mean I won't shake hands/kiss family/friends/aquaintances for example. I don't feel the need to drape a napkin over my head when eating out because of what I was up to last night in the privacy of my home. Maybe 'society' should just grow up a little.

And as to my reasons for nursing past whatever arbitrary cut off point other people have: I do it because DS2 and DD want to and I have no problem with this. I never imagined I would be tandem nursing a 3.4 yo and a 20 month old. The assumed reason that most riles me is that 'it's more about the mother', closely followedf byt 'trying to keep them a baby' type reasons.

Nope, if DS2 stopped tomorrow I would be more than happy but the effort and distress of forcing him to wean wouldn't be worth it. Especially not for him. And FWIW - he is a very independent, well-adjusted little boy according to preschool.

Where is the logic in understanding manners = denial of breastfeed?

I don't personally give a fuck what Joe Public think of me.
Just cos a bunch of idiots think it's wrong doesn't mean they're not idiots.

"I am going to be unpopular, but can people here see WHY joe public have a distorted view of BF when they see a 3/4/5/6 and 7 (!!!!) year old child feeding from (or as they see it 'sucking on') its mothers breast."

I disagree. If Joe Public saw MORE women breastfeeding their 3/4/5/6/7 year olds (and even their newborns, 1 and 2 year olds) in public maybe they [Joe Public] wouldn't have such a fucked up view of breastfeeding that makes some women feel they have to wean prematurely (or worse, not try and breastfeed at all).

vastingavay Ah, so the swearing has started. And people who don't see things your way are idiots. Nice, thank you for keeping this so civil.

I shall repspond to the points raised by those who have not stooped to obscenities (apoligies if I miss anything, Alf is asleep so I am trying to MN and clean the house at the same time!)

WoTmania - thank you for taking the time to pt your points across. I think I have not made my point regarding understanding rules and BF well. Of course all children should be bought up to hve manners :) . I am more making a point hen a strick rue that when they get to the point they can clearly ask/choose if they want to pop on and off the breast (I am thinking about 2 1/2 or 3ish) then they are a bot old (note I dont say too old!) to BF. Thats my logic!

I will be honest why I am uncomfortable with it - and yes, it is to do with sex. Do older chilren REALLY want to rmember breast feeding when adults? Really? However lovely/warm/snuggly/coforting it is now? I sugest most of you will say this doesnt come into it, but I will go on the record and say I for one am most pleaseed I cant remember one got of it.

Also, yes, the breast in an erogenous zone. I have no issues whatsoever with babies feeding from the breast. But older chilren, who are basically, small people? Then yes, it makes me uncomfortable.

Anyway, I shall bow out now, some people here have teken the time to explain to me why they do waht to do, and I thank them for that. We will never change each others minds, but I am glad to have heard the view of people who do.

OP - just to add many apologies for hijacking your thread. I had no intention of kicking of WW3, which is what would have happened had I dedicated a thread directly to this topic, hence why I chose this thread as a base for my query.

I swear in most of my posts. It's bugger all to do with you. I've not had to justify my language since I moved out of my mother's house.

That's a lovely attitude, and I am sure it will do you well in life.

Managed OK so far, thanks for your concern.

I really don't understand toddlerwrangler why having rules/expectations of behaviour that are adhered to make a child to old to nurse. If anything I am being mean in not letting my children nurse on demand until they self wean - that would be more normal behaviour on my part.

However I take the long view that if I can tolerate them nursing for longer by getting to call the shots to some degree then them not being allowed to shove fingers up my nose whilst feeding is to their benefit.

I also don't see the obsession with breast and sex. Breast have NO natural part in sexual intercourse. They are not sexual any more than ankles or armpits or necks are sexual. It just so happens that breasts are our society's current fetishised body part. They feel nice to be touched but that is because they are designed to reward the mother with good sensations when her baby touches/suckles them and are full of nerve endings to tell her when the baby isn't feeding properly. Yes, breast play does form part of many couples sex lives BUT a grown man sucking his partner's breast is using nerves designed to be used by a BABY not an adult, unlike say the clitoris which has no other function than to provide sexual pleasure.

As an aside did you know a newborn (i.e. just out of the vagina) will crawl up to his mother's left breast, pluck at her nipple, knead her breast and latch on by his self? Surely that baby knowing the rules (how to get to and prepare a breast for feeding) and obeying them means they are too old to nurse?

I was going to reply to the OP's question, but see the thread has been hijacked and tbh don't really feel like posting my personal experiences on such a hostile thread. Maybe we need a new one?

I don't see the OP asking for opinions on why feeding an older child is wierd. She asked for people with experience of a child self-weaning at what age that happened.

Toddler, you have hijacked an advice thread, which is very rude and self-centred, and are accusing natural term breastfeeders of a sexual act. You are the one being uncivilised.

Anyone who objects to swearing even when sorely provoked is an idiot, although I wasn't accusing you of being an idiot, just this amorphous 'Joe Public' you seem to know so intimately.