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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

12 weeks and being expected to move to bottles

17 replies

fernie3 · 19/10/2010 20:00

My baby is 12 weeks this week and we are still breastfeeding and actuallu finding it really great. When she was born my family and MIL etc were nervous and confused as to why i wanted to breastfeed as no one else in either family has and my first three children were bottle fed. Things have change since they were born and i felt i wanted to try breastfeeding. To calm them down I stupidly said " ill just do it for the first 3 months then move onto bottles " at the time i didn't know i would enjoy it so much - I thought i would either not care or be glad to move onto bottles.

Now we are there I really don't want to give bottles at all, not formula and not expressed milk. I am really happy with things as they are but family are already starting to plan who is going to "take her" first which means they would obviously need a bottle. I don't want to but i feel a bit unreasonable as it was me who set that goal in the first place. Now I want to move it to at least 6 months if possible and nothing goes wrong i would like to feed her until she doesn't need botttles or forumla at all but we will see.

My husband is pretty indifferent he pretty much leaves it up to me but the comments are starting to get to me things like " is she on the bottles yet" or " your making a rod for your own back" etc etc,

How do you deal with this without causing arguments among family especially if breastfeeding is a " new" thing in your family?
I dint want to disappoint anyone or upset things but I have just chamged my mind about all of it.

OP posts:

SpecterBooAlot · 19/10/2010 20:04

You just say, "Actually things are going really well - think I'm going to stick at it for a bit longer," and smile sweetly.

Glad its going so well, and well done you!! :)

buttonmoon78 · 19/10/2010 20:05

Making a rod for your own back how? By giving your dc the best?

When the questions come just say that 'we're both happy with the status quo, but thanks for your support'. And smile. And change the subject.

I agree that it can be difficult when it's culturally 'unusual' but do remember that you are absolutely doing the best thing.

How would you feel if you gave in and went on to bottles? I think you would regret it and that doesn't go away for a long, long time.

Good luck, and well done so far!

girliefriend · 19/10/2010 20:07

def keep going, you'll feel rubbish if you stop just to please your family!!! As above, honesty is the best policy so I would say breastfeeding is going really well, Im enjoying it and baby is thriving it would make no sense to stop!!!

SpecterBooAlot · 19/10/2010 20:09

Oh, and if they keep mentioning it, make a semi-joke; "Right the next person who mentions bottles goes to the bottom of the list for taking DD out!"

MumNWLondon · 19/10/2010 20:10

Not really sure what the rod they are talking about is. FWIW I have gone back to work at 6 months all three times and moved onto bottles at that point without any problems.

Its great you are enjoying it, just say you are enjoying it so much you have changed your mind. In respect of their help - you should be able to leave for a couple of hours to have a swim or something if they really want to look after the baby.

ThatDamnDog · 19/10/2010 20:10

Seriously, you know that introducing bottles would purely be to placate family and unless it's what YOU want you don't have to do it. Bottles are such hassle! Plus, you might find your baby refuses them - mine did, so he went straight onto a cup at 6 months on days when I was working. If you and your DD are happy with it they could "take her" with a cup if that's what you want. There's a spectrum here of course - you could express, use occasional formula or even give up BF entirely as they seem to be expecting. But I think if it's going well you'd be mad to let family's (unreasonable) expectations come in the way of your own wishes.

bedlambeast · 19/10/2010 20:13

This reply has been deleted

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theyoungvisiter · 19/10/2010 20:13

I would just say calmly that you're carrying on, and maybe make a joke out of it - say that in these credit crunch times you have to eat home grown! (Seriously - work out how much you are saving per week!)

But if they persist you just have to give it to them straight - say, look I want to carry on because I think it's the right decision for me and my daughter and you're upsetting me by badgering me about it. Please respect my decision on this. End of.

bluecardi · 19/10/2010 20:14

What's important here is you & your baby. You are both happy with bf so tell the family that the doctor says to contine bf. Don't let them get to you, stay strong. Soon your dd will be having some solids - 6 months comes along fast so then your family can help her with her dinners. Good luck

Original poster

fernie3 · 19/10/2010 20:18

I think my MIL says rod for your own back meaning that she thinks i spoil my baby by carrying her and rushing to her when she cries ( I was like this with the older ones as well but we lived too far away for her to see!). My MIL is lovely but she is convinced that babies are out to get you sometimes!

I like the idea if telling them that I am prone to something they probably wouldn't argue because they wouldnt want to talk about it so that would probably end the conversation fairly rapidly!

OP posts:

RhinestoneCowgirl · 19/10/2010 20:19

I'm glad it's going well - for me I felt that by 3 months everything had settled down and I didn't see the point in giving up (although everyone else I knew seemed to be moving to bottles).

Must be tough if your family are not supportive - could you explain to DH that you need him to back you up a little? Might make you feel less on your own with it?

But you are doing the best thing for your baby, and it won't be long before your family can take the baby for an hour or two without having to worry about bottles at all.

MrsGravy · 19/10/2010 20:26

I love the idea of babies being 'out to get you' It sounds like their main 'concern' is being able to spend time looking after the baby themselves. Could you reassure them that they will be able to do that in the very near future - she will quite possibly be able to be left without a breastfeed for a couple of hours or so once she's on solids.

sungirltan · 19/10/2010 20:56

aww well done op. actually if you've happily got to the 3 month stage of bf and want to carry on then more than likely you will go to 12 months or beyond - you have done the hard bit!

next time they ask when you are moving on to bottles you could say '12 months ish, when dd can have cows milk!'

FessaEst · 19/10/2010 21:07

Well done you, glad its all going so well!

Def go into involved descriptions of engorgement then . I also found mentioning a family history of allergies meant that I had been advised to carry on - you can borrow it if you like!

harverina · 19/10/2010 21:40

Fernie3, great to hear that bf'ing is going so well. Well done!

There is absolutely no reason for you to stop breastfeeding or for you to introduce formula. You are doing a great job and you are giving your DC the best start in life. Stick to your guns and dont feel pushed into anything that you dont want to do. Its your baby. Your final say.

My family are similar to yours in that no one had breastfed for any length of time before. People were offering to lend me pots to store formula in and were shocked when I told them that I didnt intend using them as I wanted to breastfeed for at least a year.

Just explain to them that because it going so well you have decided to keep going. You are not making a rod for your own back at all. You are quite clear that you do not want to use bottles and know that this will mean you will not be able to leave you DC for any great length of time until weaning is well under way...although you could use sippy cups at this age if you did want to get out and about on your own for a few hours.

Yes, family members may be disappointed but too bad. Its not your problem so try not to worry about it too much - easier said than done I know. Don't enter into arguments with anyone - just tell them straight that it is your decision and that they will have plenty of opportunities to babysit in a few months once your DC is not feeding so much

ClimberChick · 20/10/2010 02:59

Just say you tried, but she didn't take one

I'm trying to explain why I have no plans to move her onto cows milk at 12months

TorturesInAHalfHell · 20/10/2010 04:06

"Is she on the bottles yet?"
"No. Hey, is that a new skirt?"

"You're making a rod for your own back"
"Thanks for your concern. Nice to get a bit of sunshine, isn't it? Mind you, tomorrow'll be wet"

Re: the planning to take her - are you comfortable with them taking her for a few hours generally? If you are, you could express and see if she'll take a bottle. If you aren't, then that's your answer - I'm not ready to be away from her for long yet, but if you wanted to come round and entertain her so I can have a nap that'd be great.

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