Guilt over donating breastmilk

[MommyMoo]

DD is 16weeks and has been feeding well, or so I thought. I took her today to be weighed by my GP and she has dropped just over a full centile on the growth chart in 5 weeks.

I feel awful and inadequate, I'm not feeding my baby enough. What's worse is that I've been expressing and have been donating to my local milk bank, something that I've been very proud of up until now but all I can think now is that I've been giving her milk away and she hasn't had enough . I feel like I robbed her of her food. I could just cry.

No idea why she has dropped down, I feed her about every 2.5 - 3hrs during the day, and usually once in the night. I don't feed on demand because she never demands so we're on a routine instead. How can I get her to take more?

My GP said if she doesn't improve I'll have to wean her early, but shes only 16 weeks.

No, you don't have to wean her early. Can you fit in an extra nigh-time feed? You might have to wake her up to do it.

Does her weight centile match her height centile?

Babies often naturally move through the centiles.

Is she happy? Wet nappies? Pooing?

If she is content then a drop of one centile is nothing really out of the ordinary or anything to worry about.

DS2 has gone from 50th, up to 75th and is now making his way down towards a point between the 50th and 25th. The health visitor expressed no concerns. He is happy and healthy and just not a chubster. (He is 13 months).

DD went up and then down from 50th to 75th and then back again. (She's 7)

As did DS1. Though he jumped from 50th to 90plus, and is now back at 50th (all this over the course of 5 years).

To express enough to donate milk is an indication that you have plenty. You have not donated her milk - that's the milk she gets when she feeds.

I could do that, I could set my alarm and wake her up to feed.

I don't know about her height because she hasn't been measured. My GP said that they don't do height until they are older because its really hard to get an accurate measurement

I just don't understand whats gone wrong, she was following the curve nicely until she hit 11 weeks. Feeding seemed fine, well established etc.

But they don't necessarily follow a line rigidly. They can go up or down.

I donated milk while tandem feeding my two, DS still gained weight. It's got bugger all to do with donation. It's to do with your baby reaching the right weight for them.

Unless your child has actually dropped down to the bottom you have nothing to fear - they do bounce around. Mine went off the top of the chart then popped down to 91st then down to 75th. It just happens.

Please don't feel guilty, you have probably saved the life of a child in SCBU because s/he got your milk and avoided a nasty tummy bug which could be deadly to a premature baby.

My dc's have all more or less (though ds2 still too young to tell) ended up with height/weight centiles corresponding to each other. Each time though, once the baby has been born they've put on lots of weight quickly because I fed them all the time. Then over time as breastfeeding establilshed and their appetites settled, their position on the centile charge seemed to adjust to match their length/height.

Should I keep donating or should I stop to make sure she is getting all my milk? I usually express about 5oz each morning.

The thing is that I don't really believe she wants more, she doesn't cry or whinge for feeds. Also, I thought bfeeding was supply and demand so it shouldn't make a difference if I donate should it? If I stop expressing and she doesn't increase what she takes then the demand might be reduced and my supply reduced??

I didn't dare tell the GP I donate because I thought he'd have me giving her baby rice there and then if he knew.

Nothing's gone wrong. She's still gaining weight, she's just dropped a centile. Is she alert, plenty of wet and dirty nappies etc?

No need to wean early - a bit of mushed up vegetable isn't going to make her put on more weight than all that wonderful milk she's getting from you.

Sorry, meant to say she wee's and poops like a trooper. She is alert and happy, she giggles if I tickle her, shes just lovely. I just feel awful though, the GP made it seem like a BIG DEAL that she'd dropped down on the chart.

Only stop donating if you want to - it will make absolutely no difference to your daughter. And don't pay any heed to male doctors who know bugger all about breastfeeding.

Also, it's really not recommended to push solids too early and your GP is being a twonk to recommend it.

MommyMoo- stop beating yourself up about this. Your baby has dropped one centile- even a drop of two is considered normal for most babies.

Don't be pressured in to weaning early- there's absolutely no need to.

The donating won't be making a difference - if anything it's boosting your supply.

If you do decide to stop donating, please don't stop pumping cold turkey - that's the way mastitis lies [voice of experience ]. It'll take a while for your supply to slow down again, so do it gradually or freeze it for dd.

I'd be a bit at the GP simply because I can't see how weaning early is good advice for a baby dropping a centile. Yes, that well know high source of calories...baby rice...

YOur doctor is nuts and knows as much about breastfeeding/early weaning as could be written on a postage stamp.

If I were you I'd carry on as normal. Your dd is happy and healthy. You're feeding her when she wants/needs to feed. You aren't depriving her at all by donating milk - and what an excellent thing to do.

A GP told me when DD was three months old I should only feed on a schedule and give her cooled water between feeds because 'obviously she was not able to regulate her own food and I didn't want her to get fat'

In other words, GPs may be very good at many things, but a lot of them know fuck all about breastfeeding.

You have not (and I repeat, not) given her milk away as long as you are feeding on demand and until she comes off naturally your DD is getting exactly what she needs. It is also completely normal for babies to bounce around the centiles. As long as she is having wet and dirty nappies, is happy and is meeting her milestones you have nothing to worry about.

I know it is difficult because you can't see what she is getting but if you are able to express enough to donate I'm willing to bet (a not inconsiderable amount) that your DD is getting plenty.

Doctors (especially GPs) are not necessarily trained in infant nutrition and can sometimes be spooked unnecessarily

You are doing a great job. Take heart andtrust your tits

Thanks,I feel a little better now. I think what really upset me is that I thought donating was a good thing I was doing but then all of a sudden the thing I was proud of doing I felt awful about.

The thought I could have been depriving her is too awful. But you're all right, everything I know about bf tells me it shouldn't make a difference. Women bf twins so I should be able to feed one baby + 5Oz of donated milk a day shouldn't I?

Hi, I had a lot of weight issues with my BF dd. Totally freaked me out. We then saw private paediatrician, who told us that the curve for BF babies is not regular like for formula fed babies and that he was not worried about her dropping down several centiles as long as she was alert, meeting milestones, happy. He kept saying look at your baby, forget the scales, look at her. Was really difficult. I kept bf, and he was right after all. She is now a very happy, very tall and normal weight (slightly less then her height centile, but that is actually considered a good thing). So try not to worry if she is otherwise fine, and seek help from paed rather than GP if you really need extra reassurance, GPs seem to know so little about babies ... Don't worry about the milkbank but if it makes you feel unsure, stop donating and as already suggested may be try to give an extra feed. Good luck.

Please don't worry. Most babies do not rigidly follow a line.

They 'find' their line and roughly track it. This is not necessarily the line they were born on. It may vary up or down if they've been ill, teething, growth spurts etc. Next time you go your dd may have gone up one.

I would only be worried about dropping a line if it was for a reason like unexplained vomiting.

Wean early?!! She wont get fat on mashed carrots! What are they thinking.

Don't start waking her.

Talk to someone a the NCT breastfeeding helpline www.nct.org.uk/info-centre/getting-help/helplines if you need another opinion. Or even your HV if you have a good one.

Hi, lurker here but though I'd post 'cos the same thing happened to my DD at around the same age.

HV was not worried at all, just recommended I get height checked at the next weigh in as the growth may all have been there. She now tracks the new centile (the 2nd for those interested) so really, don't worry.

BTW she was also a preemie and believe me the donated milk in SCBU is the most precious gift you could give to anothers baby. I salute you.

Fumble thanks for saying that about the milk for SCBU babies, its made me cry (in a nice way!)

By donating milk you will have been stimulating your supply more and may have actually done her some favours by expressing as well. If you stop expressing, you risk decreasing stimulation and therefore supply of BM. So please do not feel guilty.

If it makes you feel any better, my DD2 dropped a centile because she just couldn't be bothered to feed enough to grow any quicker. She is now over the centile above where she was born at 18 months old. I tried to get her to start taking some solids at 5 months old because I was so stressed about feeding/weight gain etc but she wouldn't open her mouth for a spoon/solid food for 5 whole weeks. Some babies just do things in their own time. I found it hard because DD1 had been a guzzler and whacked the pounds on from the word go. Just goes to show that it wasn't anything to do with me or my BM. I donated both times and noticed fussy feeding presumably from a drop in my supply when I stopped expressing both times.