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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

I have to stop BF now.

26 replies

NorksDownSouth · 12/10/2010 11:44

DS is 18 months old and a total nightmare.
I love him to bits but I can't stand feeding him anymore.
I ended up crying at 3am this morning and shouting at DH because I couldn't bear another night feed.
I am so tired I am like a bloody zombie.
He is hit and miss with solids somedays he will eat other days he just wants boob.
He is so tiny aswell and grumpy all the time I think he must be starving because all he wants to do is BF.
Is it really cruel to go cold turkey and just stop? .Please help I am a mess.

OP posts:
Littlefish · 12/10/2010 11:49

First of all, well done on breastfeeding him for 18 months. You've done such a fantastic thing. I didn't breastfeed for very long, but am in total support (and total awe) of those who want to/managed to.

Could you work on cutting out the night time feeds first, and then see how you feel about it? Is your tiredness clouding how you feel about the whole issue? Do you enjoy breastfeeding in the day?

How does your ds react if your dh goes to him in the night?

RandomMusings · 12/10/2010 11:49

how about cutting out the night feeds to start

bind your boobs so that they are non-accessible under your jammies

DH to settle during the nights

hoping someone with more experience will come along and help you

xxx

RandomMusings · 12/10/2010 11:50

(I don't mean actual boob-binding, I mean a sports-type bra)

WowOoo · 12/10/2010 11:51

Calm down. I was there just a few months ago.

This is where Dh will get to know what it's like.

Can you ask him to do bottle duties all weekend and wean off a bit before then.

We gave our littlest bottles first to play with, with meals etc and then DH helped when he could at night (even though ds2 screamed)which was also a bit hellish!

He's fully bottle now and he's calmer and waking less. Poor you!

WowOoo · 12/10/2010 11:55

Forgot to say well done too!!

i wouldn't say it's cruel to suddenly stop but it will be easier if you let someone else feed him and you go and shut yourself in another room. Your boobs may really really hurt too. Ds2 took a bottle off me but was a bit sad aboput it for a week or two.

OK. You will catch up on sleep really soon.OK?

MrsTittleMouse · 12/10/2010 11:56

I went cold turkey at 18 months. It was very hard. :( But it worked. I was also at the end of my tether. I had tried cutting down more gradually, but it didn't work.

Is your DH on board? Could he take a day off work? What we did was to wait until a bank holiday, and then starting on the Friday DH went into DD at nights when she cried. Every single time. Within the three days until Tuesday, when he had to go back to work, she was sleeping much better at nights and in a much better mood in the days.

Even if you can just drop the night feeds, I'm sure that you will feel much better. I hope that you find something that works, it wasn't that long that I weaned DD off me and it is still very clear in my mind how mind-numbling exhausted that I was. 18 months is a long time to miss out on sleep.

MrsTittleMouse · 12/10/2010 11:59

Oh yes, good advice to take care of your breasts too. I did a tiny amount of expressing in a warm shower, to get rid of any blocked ducts and wore a sports bra at all times. The quicker that you stop, the higher the risk of mastitis.

Original poster
NorksDownSouth · 12/10/2010 11:59

Wow that was quick! Thanks for the advice so far.

I do sometimes like feeding him when he is cuddly and happy but most of the time he nips and constantly pulls off to look around.

The thing with the night feeds is he has such an awful loud cry and it sounds much worse in the middle of the night and I think when it is the middle of the night and you are half asleep and this angry red faced baby is howling at you it just seems better to stick a boob in his mouth then wake everyone else up in the street house.

DH has got up with him but the only way he can settle him is by bringing him down and putting him in his chair which means he now thinks that he can scream and either get milk or taken down.
DH also works during the week and while he never complains about getting up with him he has to drive a long way to work and I worry as some mornings we both look so knackered.

OP posts:
MigGril · 12/10/2010 12:06

Oh we had this around the same age with DD, it was really hard going. I realised latter that there is another separation agsiaty phase at this age, and it's probably the worse one. To be honest I just went with the flow and yes had a few nights of screaming at DH.

You've done really well to get this far and I don't see why you couldn't change things if your not happy at this stage. Although going cold turkey is probably not the best solution. Could cause you problems, with blocked ducts/mastitis.

Night weaning first may be a better option.

www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning-night.html
There is some really useful information hear.

Just to point out that weaning him off milk won?t necessarily help with the solids side of things either. It may but there is no guarantee and it wouldn't be wise to stop his main source of nutrition until he's taking more solids.

There is some more reading hear you may want to do on the nutritial side of things.
www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/breastfeeding-older-baby.html

MrsTittleMouse · 12/10/2010 12:07

Poor you, that sounds dreadful. That's why I was wondering if your DH could take a day off work, so that you would have a few nights to get him into the new routine before your DH has to go back to work. We've done lots of sleep stuff that way - start on the Friday night, so that you have a weekend to get over the worst, preferably with a Bank Holiday Monday at the end.

The trouble with all this sleep stuff, is that it requires you to be very consistent, and the hardest time to be consistent is when you are exhausted, isn't it? I can completely see why you feed him at night. But I think that if you can gird your loins and accept that you'll have a few bad nights, then it'll be worth it.

I think that it would be best for your DH to stay in your DS's bedroom, by the way. It will be difficult for both of you, at first, but it would be the only way to teach your DS that unless he's ill, nighttimes are spent in his bedroom. Your DH could cuddle him and comfort him (such that he is willing to be comforted), and he wouldn't be on his own. But he would be breastfed.

MrsTittleMouse · 12/10/2010 12:08

Whoops!
But he wouldn't be breastfed.

Just my opinion, of course, and different things work for different children, of course.

NotQuiteCockney · 12/10/2010 12:08

It sounds like you're having a really really hard time of it. I think you'd do well to call one of the BF helplines, or visit a BF drop in, and have a good chat with someone. They will help you talk through the situation, and work out what you want to do, and how to do it ...

WowOoo · 12/10/2010 12:11

Norks, shove a bottle in his mouth instead. Just get them ready to be warmed up.

The screaming at night is just hideous, isn't it? I worried about waking the whole country up!

Assk Dh to sing to him/ rock him/ pace with him on the landing or in a diml;y lit place instead of taking him downstairs?

WowOoo · 12/10/2010 12:14

When he's used to bottles a bit and you can have a break you might want to go back to it or give EBmilk but I didn't.Grin

I felt ds was ready and so was I.

Porcelain · 12/10/2010 12:18

Would he take a rusk and a drink of juice or water as a night feed?

Also, I have just been reading Sears book on attachment parenting which has s range of ideas for night weaning toddlers.

Franup · 12/10/2010 12:29

I really, really wouldn't replace the boob with bottles at this age in the night. You might just end up bunging him loads of bottles of milk in the night instead. Not good for the night waking or giving him solids the next day. I would go for water, assuming he drinks it in the day, or sugar free juice in the hope it will be a short phase and he will not need it for long.

It can also be helpful to decide at this age, no feeds out the house to start limiting him a bit. Use any distraction you can and have lots of snacks and other nice drinks about to offer to him instead.

WowOoo · 12/10/2010 13:35

Franup, i can see this is where we went a bit wrong as my ds2 still has bottles at night. I see what you mean. But Norks needs to get some sleep and this will be really hard, no?

For us a bottle at night made for a smoother, easier transition and we are now watering down the milk ready for just water.

Sugar free juice....what on earth is that? Water or milk and no food in night worked for us.Smile

LoopyLoops · 12/10/2010 13:42

I went cold turkey last week because my nipples had started hurting a lot.

We used CC :( to get DD (15months) to sleep. It took 3 days. She used to feed to sleep, often wake in the night, wake early. Now, without fail (so far) she goes to sleep straight away (DH does this after bath), doesn't wake in the night and gets up after 7am!

I'm glad I fed her for as long as I did, but I'm really glad that I stopped. I'd been trying to stop gradually for months but it just didn't work for us, cold turkey has.

She was a bit sad for the first 2 days, but now much more cuddly (no hunting for milk).

She even goes down quickly for naps, which used to be a nightmare.

:)

LoopyLoops · 12/10/2010 13:44

Oh, and she doesn't seem to need milk before bed either, I was worried that because she wouldn't drink it, she wouldn't sleep, but she does, and much better!

JoanHolloway · 12/10/2010 13:53

Of coure it's not cruel.

porcamiseria · 12/10/2010 14:12

just stop, you had bloody good innings. better than most

i'd go tough love cold turkey and welcome rice cakes into your life!!

AngelDog · 12/10/2010 19:13

You sound like you're having a rough time - well done getting this far. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to change things.

Did you know that there's a big sleep regression at 18 months, which means babies wake much more frequently and often are awake for longer spells at night? Their brains are working on a huge developmental spurt which is what causes it. (One developmental psychologist calls it 'the mother of all developmental transitions'). There's often another bout of separation anxiety going on as part of this.

There's more info here and here and here.

Basically it does pass but in the middle of it, you can't do much to fix the waking, and sleep training (whether gentle or CC) is unlikely to be successful. I sympathise as we're in the middle of the 9 month sleep regression.

If I were in your situation, I'd have a go at gentle night weaning but if you weren't seeing some signs of progress after 3 or 4 days, leave it and try again in a few weeks.

(And developmental spurts can affect behaviour and eating as well as sleep.)

Franup · 12/10/2010 21:23

Wowoo, meant no added sugar juice. Though I hate the stuff as it has sweeteners in and I would prefer water was offered if this was the route the op was going to take, but some kids don't drink water in the day either. I was seeing it as a short-term solution.

Lots of people who night wean 18ms into breastfeeding don't use bottles as they are more likely, as long-term breastfeeders, to not to have bottles around.

I just think milk in a bottle at 18ms could just set up its own set of issues, and if lots of bottles are offered and then you need to start the process of transitioning from milk to water, still seems a prolonged period without sleep to me. It also won't help the eating in the day, if her ds is still able to get lots of calories at night.

Although - sleep pattern in the day can also be influential on night-time sleep and might be worth looking at too!

MigGril · 12/10/2010 22:22

AngelDog - Your links make so much sense that's exactly what we had between 16-18,months with DD. It was very tough at the time but in the end I was so glad we didn't go down the CC route as also felt it was seperation anxiety which can offten be worse at night.

AngelDog · 13/10/2010 19:36

MigGril, glad they were interesting. I'd be tearing my hair out with my DS's sleep if I didn't know about sleep regressions. Now his behaviour is pretty predictable when we hit a developmental spurt - just not much fun!