17 month old breastfed boy refuses formula, any suggestions?

[hoyden]

Hi all! I hope someone can give me some advice. My 17 month old son refuses all forms of liquid milk. I've tried from low to high end ones, regular and flavored using a bottle/sippy cup/straw but he rejects them all! He doesn't seem to mind yoghurt and cheese. I just want to wean him off my breasts. I wake up tired everyday cuz he wakes up a few times at night and wants to b/f. He seems to have a homing device when it comes to looking for them in the dark, pulls my top down, b/f and falls asleep on me. If I happen to be in a position where they are not accessible to him, he will cry until I allow him to do so. Whenever I refuse to give it to him, he goes ballistic! So, please.... anybody out there - help!

hoyden, I think you are going to have to be harsh. Surely ds doesn't need a night feed at 17 months, is he using it as a comforter? Does he drink other drinks from feeder cups? In my opinion you need to steal yourself, tell him there is no milk when he wakes up, offer him water (cuddle etc) and then sit back and wait for the hurricane to pass!! It will take a while and he could go off on one for an hour or so the first night but DO NOT GIVE IN as you will be back to square one. The next night will be easier etc.

Does he feed from you during the day? He doesn't actually "need" milk if he is eating yogurts, cheese and fluids. I didn't b/f for as long as you so not sure how it works at that age but could you feed him just in the morning as a "treat" after the night with no milk and then gradually give up that feed?

You mustn't show any weaknesses, I am constantly "sorting out" my kids bedtimes when I am off work but as I work evenings the have dh up and down the stairs with them for ages so he usually gives in.

I agree. At 17months he definitely doesn't need to feed in the night. Where does he normally sleep? Is he in a cot or sleeping with you? If he's in with you then I don't have any experience of that, but the principle is the same, offer comfort but be strict with no feeds. You have to put up with some ballistic behaviour - just as if he was going to stick a coathanger into an electric socket and you stopped him! At his age, he can manage without milk for quite a while (indefinitely if he has dairy products). Give him water and yoghurt etc during the day, and if he's thirsty at night you might initially want to give him a drink, but frankly, I don't think this has anything to do with hunger or thirst but just habit and comfort, and if it's making you tired and unhappy then I'd say it was time to stop. You are not being cruel.

In short, I agree completely with runragged!

Thanks aloha! and Hoyden, by balistic we mean balistic!! If he is sick or anything like that because of the tantrum, clear it up calmly, offer him water and DO NOT GIVE IN!!!

One thing I would say though, in this heat it is really difficult to implement anything new, make sure his room is cool, get the air moving with a fan or something before you put your foot down.

Good luck.

Hi Hoyden,
A link and a book suggestion only as Aloha and I do not agree on what's "cruel", and the experts put it better.

dr.sears sleep problems Dr Sears is big on co-sleeping, so if you are doing that the advice is written on that basis, so should be ideal.

The book is called the "Nursing mothers guide to weaning" and covers weaning with love at all ages.

I would try weaning slowly. Babies don't stay in your bed forever. I co-slept with my ds till he was nearly 3 but he stopped looking for my breasts in the night and it was much more snuggly. My ds is nearly 16 months and I am going through this phase with her just at the moment so I know how you feel. I remmeber with ds around 18 months it was hard but from there till age 2 things did slowly ease off. It depends on how you feel but remember this is just a phase.

It is not strictly true to say babies don't need breastmilk at this age. The WHO recommends feeding till around age 2 and many countries do till then. A baby's immune system is still developing and the antibodies in your milk are still important for them. A lot of toddlers get sick and this really helps particulalry if they aren't eating. However we are generally in good health in this country and most babies are OK without breastmilk.

Also yes they may be feeding for comfort but stopping means finding another source of comfort and it can be hard to find one at this stage. Babies are just tuned into to be selfish to find soemthing that is nice and warm and nutritious and good for them too. Sometimes a dummy does't fit the bill. You could try him sleeping with your partner for part of the night. Good luck.

Oh yes and my dd doesn't like dairy but it could be that she is allergic. I've not actually discovered this as she hasn't eaten enough to tell but her body could be protecting herself by not eating it. ds has rashes on his legs and isn't keen on dairy. Just a thought....

And of course, some of us disagree whether Dr Sears is an expert or merely a rabid zealot who thinks that what works for his family ought to work for everyone else's, no matter how unhappy it might make them....but that's a whole other thread!

No toddler 'needs' breastmilk several times a night that's for sure - particularly if it making his mother tired and unhappy.

I think Eulalia may have something with the allergies theory. Cheese and yoghurt don't require the body to break down lactose, milk and formula do.

Hoyden, you don't need milk if your son is getting calcium from other sources, especially dairy. Yoghurt and cheese are just as good as milk in that respect. And if you're worried about fluid intake, give him juice - diluted - and dilute it down over time until it's just water.

You've done an excellent job breastfeeding until 17 months, most people don't do it that long and no one should make you feel guilty about wanting to wean him from the breast.

So, that having been said, I completely agree with aloha and runragged. Basically, if you want to wean your son, then wean him. It will be hard for a few nights (a week or so?) but with my latest, my husband took over the nights and it worked out fairly quickly and without problem. It's harder if you have to do it yourself (ie refuse to feed him from the breast as opposed to your husband giving him a substitute -- bottle, dummy, whatever). I stopped breastfeeding the youngest at 18 months or so and the eldest at 2 years.

"Cruel", bobthebaby? Sheesh. Y'know the holy Dr Sears accepted advertising from formula makers for his website. Hmm... gotta wonder where else the man fudged a bit. And I know all about milk allergies lactose, being a sugar, can give you digestive problems but you cannot be allergic to it. It's the proteins. (And don't worry hoyden, I wouldn't have done anything to put my second child at risk my first child is the one with the allergies. The child I breastfed for 2 years. I'm skeptical about the hype regarding allergies and breastfeeding.)

Wean at will. Feel no guilt. Sleep well and long.

Hoyden, agree you've done a great job breastfeeding this long. If you honestly want not to feed at night then I can completely understand that. Also if you want to stop breastfeeding full stop. If he eats yoghurt and cheese and gets fluid from water etc then he won't be damaged by stopping breastfeeding now - if that is what you want.

However! If you do manage to knock the night feeds on the head, you might feel happier about continuing during the day.

Hello all! Thanks for all your replies... much appreciated! I plan to start weaning my DS this weekend. My DH gotta work Mon-Fri so the best time based on your feedback would have to be over a weekend since the first few nights would be the worst - my DH won't be getting much sleep

Btw, is one cup of yoghurt and a slice of cheese sufficient in a day? He normally takes just that much. And drinks about 280ml of juice from a sippy cup. He won't drink plain water.

Just fyi, we are co-sleeping sleeping with our son. I never planned to do so in the beginning but I found it was much more convenient to b/f this way. I do see the pros and cons of co-sleeping, bottle vs breast.. we just gotta do what works for us at that point of time. You guys have given me tremendous support, hence made this decision easier for me. Thanks again!

Eulalia - I was really interested to read your post. Did your ds wean himself off the breast over time without any pushing from your side?

I co-sleep with my 16 month old and he still looks for a breastfeed at least twice in the night. I can live happily with this and I have no intention of suddenly forcing a change in this pattern. To date all the changes in his sleep and feeding patterns have happened naturally and without any coaxing from my side - I've put this down to the AP approach and would be interested to hear your experiences.

Hoyden - I would be interested to know how you get on with the weaning - good luck with it

I have kind of opposite ! My dd is 2 and half and wont drink fresh milk but still wanr=ts formula. I give her a bottle on the morning but i am gonna stop as i dont know what she's getting out of it. I too have tried all the flavours and stuff. the first time i gave her fresh milk she said "oh thats incustard!!!"..(disgusting) She eats youghurts and cheese and frmage frais and butter.........do you think thats enough without any milk in her diet???

Angeliz if you want your DD to have milk to drink have you tried mixing the formula with cows milk, ie 1 oz cows milk, 7 ozs formula, gradually increasing the cows milk and decreasing the formula until she is drinking only cows milk. I did this with my DS1 and it worked a treat.

Hi again! In case anyone is interested, I started the "no b/f after after bedtime" routine last Friday. The first night was just horrible!! He woke up around 2am - cried/bawled until he was hoarse. DH tried to pacify him but he wouldn't stop, I took over about fifteen minutes later (my resolution was ebbing away FAST). He carried on crying for about an hour, in between he allowed me to give him some water (AMAZING! he never drinks plain water) but screamed even louder when he caught a whiff of the formula milk ... I just kept on cuddling and talking to him saying that mommy loves him very much but from now on there will be no more b/f when there is no sunlight. Plus, promises that he will get to b/f first thing when there is sunlight.

Lots of resistance but eventually he got tired and by the time I put him down he readily went to sleep. DS still wakes up in the middle of the night at least once and tries to b/f but doesn't cry as much when I tell him no Since then DS can sleep on his own without b/f.

Aloha - you were right about not minding b/f in the day after cutting down the night feeding.

Would like to conclude that I am very happy with the way things are going. Though he's not sleeping through the night yet. DS can go back to sleep without b/f...hooray!!! I've only just started this routine so it will probably take a bit more time before this happens. Will continue b/f DS in the day, gradually cutting it down so I don't have to suffer engorgement. For now I b/f before he goes to sleep at night and first thing when he wakes up - when the sun is up :0

Thanks for again for all the advice.

Thabts really great Hoyden, I hope you aren't so tired now.