I feel a failure

[tinylion]

My DS is 5 months old. I bf him continuously until he was 3 months and then introduced a bottle of formula in the evening feed so that my DH could feed him whilst I got a bit of rest.

He is a small baby (dropped down to bottom centile from a good starting birth weight)and I was worried that he wasn't getting enough milk. I'm a bit anxious and was diagnosed with postnatal anxiety (on antids and have counselling)I was chuffed he was taking a good formula feed and one bottle led to another, and now I am down to bfeeding just once in the morning. I used to bf in the evening but DS doesn't want it -turns his head away and screams.

It seems to have happened without me noticing. I'm not stupid, and I know that giving formula reduces bmilk supply. But I didn't really think about it and now I'm down to just one feed a day. I wanted to feed until six months.

I feel a bit sad about it all. And a bit hormonal. It's got to the stage that DS prefers a bottle I think and he only bfeeds when he's very tired and sleepy. I could never feed him across ways during the day, as he refused the cradle hold.

I don't really know what I'm asking. I just want to know if there's any other mums out there who wanted to get to six months but sort of just....didn't.

I only fed my first DD for 8 days. Again I had extreme anxiety and PND and the whole bfeeding/how much milk is my baby getting completely defeated me. I wanted to do much better this time.

And of course, I've just seen my neighbour who had a baby the same time as me, and there she is bfeeding away with glowing skin, telling me about her new exercise routine and she has lost loads of weight. I feel fat, spotty, lumpy and sort of second class.

I'm sorry you feel so sad. Look, it really doesn't matter - you have breastfed him and you are continuing to do so, just because it's not exclusively BM does not negate it's value.

Please concentrate on the important things - you love him, he loves you and he's healthy. What more can you ask for?

Also at five months it's just possible he's having a growth spurt or teething and this is why he does not want to nurse because he's frustrated or in pain.

Hey, you have done bloody BRILLIANTLY and anyone who tells you differently is a bumface!

You have really really done very well and you should give yourself a big pat on the back, because you did your very best for you and your DS and made your decisions based on that.

We do what is best for our little family and that is all you need to concern yourself with.

I bet you look lovely, but maybe you should treat yourself to a haircut/colour and a new dress at the weekend. You deserve it.

Hi OP, the same thing happened to me with DS. It sounds silly but I did not realise that my supply was dwindling; he was getting frustrated at the breast.

It is very upsetting. I did not feel ready to stop. I still feel sad.

No advice but lots of sympathy.

And I agree with Monkey.

ohhhhhhh thank you for comments and support. am sitting in bed being tearful and wiping nose on duvet... Glad some of you felt the same, and esp about bit about doign brilliantly. You're right, sometimes I lose sight of most important thing - that DS is happy and chubby and smiley baby boy. I suppose i know this is my last baby and this is last time I'll bfeed and that just feels a bit sad.

Think my hormones must be all up in the air.

Neighbour is also six years younger than me, which must make a difference, with her body snapping back into pre pregnancy mode...bloody woman...

I think DS is getting frustrated with low milk supply. I suppose at least I can come out of horrible enormous feeding bras and into something a bit more supportive...

thanks again for messages

I think you sound really lovely and a good mum, and you just have to give yourself a break and not measure yourself up against anyone else.

And god, 6 years! Well, that is just totally unfair!

There's no failure in feeding your baby. You would be more of a failure to try and continue with a failing process and starve your baby.

Try and forgive yourself - there's so much more to your child's life than this.

As for slinky mums, I was due the same time as Danielle Lloyd and Dannii Minogue. Meh!

Your neighbour is probably a better actress than you. :)

Don't worry about it. I took ages to get back into shape after DD and am still struggling after DS (mind you I am still nursing so that can have an effect).

Go ahead and be happy and stop feeling guilty all the time, it's pretty pointless regretting things you know. You may as well choose to look on the bright side. Happy, healthy little boy, mummy who realises that her child's health is more important than giving the impression of being a perfect mum. :)

You are anything but a failure, to have BF for as long as you have is fab. And just so you know I'm still BF my 6 month old and look like shit, sometimes feel she is drinking all the goodness out of me and I feel like a failure because she never has (and I doubt she ever will) do anything like sleep through the night. Why do we beat ourselves up about these things?? Just think of all the positive things about not breastfeeding anymore (wearing a dress, ditching the nursing bras etc) whilst knowing you've given your baby the best start you possibly could. x

5 months if fab and no reason to feel guilty about stopping. I managed to bf my DD for a month and then stopped for the same reasons as you. With my DS, now 4 months, I didnt even managed to feed him for 2 days but am blessed with a happy and healthy little boy and say try not to dwell on the fact too much. As for the skinny next door neighbour I still cant do ANY of my trousers up 4 months on!! I think my body has completeley changed shape!! that and a very unhealthy obsession with magnum icecreams!

What you are feeling is totally normal and IMO is probably due to a mixture of hormones, tiredness and all the bf is best info you get when pg.

Don't get me wrong bf is the best for baby and you BUT sometimes it doesn't work out.

I bf in agony for 6 weeks. Ds had tongue tie snipped but no difference. I had loads of milk but I cried through each feed in pain. I gave up and was ff fully by 12weeks. I felt like a failure and that I was making Ds at risk if every illness known to man by ff.

When at 12 months after a fall he was suddenly able to stick his Tongue out I realised the snip wasn't done properly!!!! I gave up because I thought I was at fault but it was poor care from hospital and no follow up that did it. I blamed myself for a long time!

I'm now pg with dc2 and have mixed feelig about bf as I hated it so much first time. Think I'll try but won't beat myself up about it when I have troubles!