I got the "you're only feeding him for your pleasure now" line yesterday

[kveta]

my grandmother (and to a lesser extent my mother) seem to have taken it upon themselves to get me to wean DS now that he's (shock!) 1.

I try to call my grandma every week (we're not a close family) and she's not well just now, so am trying to make some allowances, but every time I've seen her/spoken to her in the past 2 or 3 months she has said how repulsive it is still to be breastfeeding, and he'll still be feeding at school, and it's offensive for everyone to see a toddler feeding in public, etc etc.

last night she wheeled out the 'it's really only because you like it that you're still feeding him, you're putting your pleasure above his needs'. So I asked if she'd ever tried to force a toddler to feed, and also, how pleasurable do you think it is to feed a row of wriggling teeth?

she also asked when I'd be getting him onto a bottle.

it's getting very very wearing.

The thing is, she fed my dad until he was 6 months, and mum fed all of us kids until we were 1 year old, so it's not as if my family have no experience of breastfeeding. DSis has been suggesting weaning him since he was about 8 weeks old (she's a nurse...), so I have literally NO female support in my family now. And all my friends in the real world have stopped BFing, so are also giving me the 'why not put him on a bottle/cows milk' line.

Sorry, just needed to whine/rant a bit, as it's getting tiresome, and lonely!

Deep breath and then ignore.

Every BF must be helping your toddler, good on you!

You are as you know doing the right thing - WHO advise is to feed until at least 2 - this is because research has discovered that breastfed 2 year olds are ill less often than weaned toddlers.

I fed my firstborn until she was 2 - I eventually adopted a don't ask, don't tell attitude, avoiding conversations - people eventually just assume you aren't still feeding and it ceases to be a topic of conversation.

It is wearing, but you are happy, your boy is happy, everyone else can just sod off.

Kellymom has some really good pages, I'll go find a link

I totally symphasise!
When I'm asked when my DD will be having a bottle I tell them ,'Never! She doesn't need one. She'll go straight on to a cup when she's ready.'
Ignore them

here

yes, and there haven't been any studies done on bf children older than 2 (for the obvious reason) but there's no reason to think any of the benefits stop at 2 (in fact that would seem counter intuitive).
Is your HV supportive> I think you really just need to say this is what the NHS recommends, this is the right thing for me to do.

thanks wonderstuff - I really don't want to do the don't ask don't tell, as it then feels like an illicit act - I am quite keen to make it just normal to me, and by extension hope that my family (sisters and their partners particularly) realise it's not a freaky thing to do. I'm not exactly broadcasting it, but if someone asks (which they do!) I'm not avoiding responding to them. does that make sense?

good to know I'm not alone though :)

But you are weaning him. Weaning is the process of replacing milk feeds with solid food - you are just following your child's needs and weaning on his time table not your (or your interfering family's) time table. Weaning can take years as the 'normal' age of full weaning is between 2.6 y/o & 7 y/o in humans. When you start solids at 6m/o it can take 2-6.6 years to totally stop breast feeding.

(i'm assuming you've introduced 'complimentary foods' BTW and your family isn't harassing you to give kveta jr some carrots )

Same as above posters have said. I fed first til 11 months, still feeding 2nd at 18 months - though usually only the morning and night, but if she asks for it then she gets it.

Think of all the health benefits, not to mention emotional and bonding.

Stuff 'em! :O

Just steer the conversation away from 'feeding' topics and don't feed him around her if it freaks her out. Every time she brings it up - or anyone else - just say breezily: "oh, we're all fine thanks!" and then move the conversation on....it's only in the weird west that we have such a 'thing' about boobies - what were they 'invented' for anyway?! TO FEED OUR BUBBAS!!!!!!!!!!1

My mum started withdrawing her "approval" around this age. It was really disappointing as she was so supportive of bf up to that point.

She just couldn't see that her having some arbitrary limit of "acceptability" of 12 months was really just thinking along the same lines as those who thought it was dodgy to bf full stop.

I came under pressure from dh around 12 months too and gave up at 14 months. Well, actually I fed ds occasionally for another month or so but I didn't tell anyone.

Sad.

very very true TS!

My Mum is a bit like that too. :(

She fed me and my brother till about 8 months each and was very supportive.

She has mentioned one of my wee cousins who was fed until he was 14/15 months and came away with the line about people are just doing it for themselves at that age and how awful it was that he tried to lift his Mum's top. I was too at the time but I wish I had said something.

She asks fairly often about how much DS feeds now at 12 months so I am just vague and try not to get drawn into it.

She is still quite supportive and generally positive about us and DS (unlike PIL sometimes who annoy DH!) just a wee hint of disapproval creeping in.

huh. ds is just 1 and teething again. It's not a bloody pleasure for me atm...

with you on that one habbibu...

I can sympathise kveta. DS and I are still at it with the BF.

Symthpathies to you OP, DS is 13 months and still feeding, and PILs are just starting to hint a bit.

One of my baby group friends made the 'bitty' comment to me the other day.

One of my best friends has told me for months how 'disgusting' breastfeeding is full stop.

It is absolutely laughable that I'm doing this for my own pleasure. DS pinches, bites and generally does acrobatics during. All my tops are stretched from him pulling on them. I'm sick of wearing nursing bras and making clothing choices based on being able to feed discretely. I get woken between 4:30-5:30am for milk most mornings. I end up doing the bedtime routine most evenings so he can have a feed before sleep.

I wouldn't mind so much if he'd stick to the morning and evening only (he does this on days he's at nursery), but when he is home with me he will be grabbing at my top and whinging at least an additional 4-5 times during the day. And his latest thing is swapping sides 10+ times each session which is very annoying.

But it's all for my benefit and pleasure, of course.