Would stopping EBF 7 m old help? sorry, long

[pinemartina]

I am a single mum.I have 4 older dc - 14,12,9 and 8.They have regular weekends with their father.
Baby dd is 7 months and EBF.She has never seen her father (was abusive).
I have no family support.
I will be returning to ft work (nursing)next March.
I had planned to keep up with EBF until then.But am starting to feel like I have lost myself.I have been diagnosed with PND and am feeling better since starting AD's.I do have a homestart volunteer for two hours twice a week.
Baby is starting solids now,but still BF 3-4 hrly in the day and 2-3 hrly at night.
My supply is fine.She weighs 19lbs.I am not sore ,and love to cuddle and snuggle her.

I feel very selfish,but I really want to get a tiny bit of an individual identity.back.I am Mummy all the time,everywhere,24/7.I very rarely go anywhere,for any length of time without one or more dc,and if I do,I am negotiating feeding in public alongside all the others needs - I don't have a problem feeding anywhere,but I am weary of being "harassed Mum" everywhere.I want to wear clothes that don't necessarily provide fast access.I'd like to be done with nursing pads and leaking breasts/dark patches.I long to get back into nice bras and stop smelling of milk.I'd like to have a drink.I'd like to see my 36H boobs shrink.

And I'm soooo tired.And I still feel like I am "lying in".
These are all selfish,not baby focussed issues.I know I would miss it and feel I had let her down.
I can't decide if stopping would really help,or if I should give her the full year.She only has me,after all.

Hi pinemartina - stop being hard on yourself.
You're a mum to 4 lovely kids and you're a nurse. You've fed dd for 7 months exclusively and you're feeling like you need a bit of the old you back - there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You don't need to feel bad about giving up (and I'm a breast feeding peer supporter). You're the mummy and it's up to you.

DD might not like it to start with but it'll be easier after a couple of days and then she'll forget all about it. You are not being at all selfish. You have PND and with everything else on top, I'm extremely impressed at how long you've ebf for, with 4 other children too.

As a nurse, you're a giving person; for a while, I think you need to do some taking and let others help and treat you more.

Good luck and please don't feel guilty anymore. [smmile]

oops - forgot to mention that you could always keep the am and pm feeds for a while so dd is still having comfort and goodness but don't be hard on yourself if you need/want to give up completely.

Thanks lucie
I might try cutting out the lunchtime one this week.But with my others as soon as I started cutting out feeds,my supply started dropping off.
I'm so proud of having given her this,despite what we've all been through this year.

I feel sad that I don't have a partner to give me some support and help out,so that I could stay all milky until she's a year. It seems to take away the extra edge that I need to be strong enough for all of us.