Secrets of the baby whisperer - Tracy Hogg

[Dozeyland]

What do you think??

I think \i read this and it helped me to understand my sosn`s different cries, helped us to click.

I read it, wrote some of my ds's routines down, worried about him doing things in the wrong order (i.e. feed, sleep, etc), threw book out, felt much better

She is not a breastfeeding expert

What do you think about the routines (feed every 2-2.5 hours) ?

Well if your child fits into that type of routine, then that is fine

Some feed more frequently, some less - all babies are different

It is critical for successful breastfeeding, especially in the early weeks that the breast is offered a lot - almost at every squeak and that is usual and fine breastfeeding behaviour

I read this (and quite a few other baby books )about 5 years ago when my first was born.

I think some bits of it can be helpful such as how to recognise the cues and the suggested 'routine' of Eating, Activity, Sleep and You time.

However, I think the breastfeeding information is very out of date and not really worth bothering with. I seem to remember she suggests so many minutes on one side etc etc. I think it's La Leche League that say 'watch the baby, not the clock' and this was one of the best piece of advice I got.

In the end DH suggested that I ditch the books as I was just confusing myself. It's hard sometimes to trust your instincts and not be a slave to the books but you know your baby better than anyone.

Yes, 'tis all coming back now, I worried because ds would only ever go about 1 and a half hours! But like rubyslippers says, they are all different. The second I realised that I stopped worrying.

btw, why does it always take me so long to write what every one has already said ?

With a newborn the feeding cues are so obvious that you don't need a routine to work out when to feed them, IMO.

I sort of tried this and ended up with a hysterically overtired baby. For the next 2 months I tried desperately to persuade him to feed to sleep - we finally managed it. Sadly he never just slept when tired, after the first 2 weeks.

Her advice does contradict the NHS/WHO advice to feed on demand, which is especially important in the early days. Even now at 9 months DS doesn't go 2.5 hours between all his daytime feeds (although he does between others).

When your baby is older, the E-A-S-Y idea isn't a bad starting point, if it works for your baby. Didn't work for mine as the only alternative to feeding to sleep was to carry him in a sling, so not much You time there!

Another recent thread here about it - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/1047067-The-baby-whisperer

I wrote a very overlong post detailing what I disliked about it. I agree it's very bad for breastfeeding - especially her advice about feeding only on demand for the 1st day of your baby's life - then every 2 hours on the 2nd day (for 10 minutes each side...) - then every 2 and a half hours on the 3rd day - then every 2 and a half to 3 hours on day 4. Which is when you begin your 'routine.'

I truly think expecting a 3 day old breastfed baby to go 2 and a half hours between half hour feeds is just harmful nonsense. Most harmful is her assertion that if you are following her 'routine', then any cries your baby makes between feeds cannot be 'hunger cries', and must be down to something else. Thank god I didn't read this book until I was a few weeks into the whole BF-ing experience, and could dismiss it.

awful awful awful for BF.

I speak as someone who, half demented with the whole ohmigodihavenoideawhati'mdoing-ness of a newborn baby turned to this book (why does everyone rave about it on the pregnancy threads??) and started a cycle of misery. Yes, I did try to follow it word for word because I didn't know what the hell else to do and had a fairly successful career in somehting that had trained me to turn to books....

The BF stuff (I now know) is frankly, horseshit. I messed up my supply, my baby was half starved as I ditched the "on demand" etc etc etc ...as I slaved over those routines and beat myself up about his failure to sleep. He cried, a lot. I cried, a lot. It was a disaster.

If you can't tell, I am still and also 18 months on!

There ARE good books, for example, LaLecheLeague "The womanly art of breastfeeding" but seriously, I would now advise everyone to seek RL help rather than help from a book.

(sorry if I've ranted)

oh and here is another
thread about it from a while back

I would ditch the routines and listen to your baby. You can whisper to it all you want but far better to listen when it whispers to YOU ( and babies do, before they start to cry)

I had no rules in the first six months, apart from watching and listening to the baby, noticing his cues, and responding to them whenever possible.

He cried TWICE during those 6 months, literally, twice. For about half an hour each time. I think it was wind/ tummy pain.

You don't need a routine.

I liked it, sorry! Admittedly it worked better on my easy baby than on my not so easy one, so maybe anything would have worked on her!

I liked the flexible routines and found that pick-up put-down worked really well.

I just used the bits that worked for me, adapted others and ditched the rest. Oh and I did NO ROUTINE at all for the first few weeks, fed on demand and didn't feel guilty!
DS was almost visibly relieved when I started his routine at 8 weeks though, and he still likes things to be predictable now.

I think I'm coming at it from a different perspective to some of you possibly - I was comparing it to Gina Ford (are we allowed to talk about her again?) rather than comparing it to not having a routine. So I guess the way I was looking at it it was the warm and fuzzy option!

It definitely helped me but let me feel like I was still in control, getting to know what MY baby needed.

Sorry if that was a bit garbled!

I tried the BW for about 2 days, then just had to stop.

I speak as somone who had absolutely no clue with pfb ds, but thought that I wasn't doing great, so I turned to the book, big mistake. Felt worse than when I was just winging it! So I went back to that and we were fine, honestly they were the worst 2 days. I just felt so
confused as ds would just not doing anything in the way he was supposed to!

I will say though, that I am not a particularly strict routine person, and on mat leave dh worked 2 lates a week, so although we had a 'big' routine, it would change all the time. I think there is some interplay between the type of person you are and the right 'fit' of routine/complete lack of any routine etc.

That was my second baby btw...the first one I didn't do so well with!

Confidence

and believe in your baby's ability to know what it needs.

feed when you think baby wants it, sleep same - all good.

Btw cues are things like waking and rooting around for the breast

putting hand up to mouth, briefly

making little noises

if you respond to these you avoid the crying bit.

Also the baby grows in confidence knowing milk is coming really soon, so is less quick to cry the next time iyswim

if you ignore or miss the cues, he will cry, and is more likely to cry again next time in anticipation of quiet cues being missed...if he thinks nobody will respond to him rooting, or wriggling or making little sounds he will go straight to the big sounds.

Oh yes, and get them to bed by the third yawn is the best tip ever!

I tried the 'get them to bed by the third yawn' thing and spent weeks fighting to get DS to sleep - eventually we realised it was because he started yawning 45 mins before he actually got tired.

When he was tiny he didn't yawn or show any signs of tiredness, just went straight into overtired hysterics. Again, it depends on the baby.

Flightattendant has some good tips. Up till 6-10 weeks, hands in mouth is definitely a hunger sign. After that they can control their hands better so it's less reliable.

"I had no rules in the first six months, apart from watching and listening to the baby, noticing his cues, and responding to them whenever possible."

I think you've summed it up nicely Flightattendant. It's much better to be responsive to your babies' needs rather than follow a set pattern that some babies don't adapt to.

I agree it is crap on BF

I think it helped me when pregnant to feel as if I had some clue as to what to do with a baby(!!!) I even bought a notebook and drew out some of the tables to fill in [naive newbie emoticon]
but in reality I never actually followed the routine and my DS ended up in a four hour routine of sorts all by himself.

The sleep tips are good though

When pregnant I read She-who-must-not-be-named, BW and one of the Sears AP books and got my knickers in a right knot once baby arrived until hubby said - like another poster- bin the books. BUT I have cherry picked from each - BW especially the body language and now things are (crossed fingers) going pretty well.

Lots of people say - chill, just watch the baby and follow your instincts, but some of us are genuinely gormless and in the abscence of any sensible advice from family or HCPs, these books have been my only source of understanding in times of intense stress.