Feeling guilty... stopping night feeds:(

[pip10]

Firstly I will say that I absolutely love breastfeeding, I love the bond that I have with my daughter and will continue to breastfeed for as long as possible, so I am feeling really guilty that I refused to breastfeed my 8 month old baby in the night (lastnight) :(

For around 2 months she has been waking up every 1-2 hours in the night and will only go back to sleep if fed.I know that she has been teething, but I am totally exhausted, I feel that I have to deal with all the night time issues as I breastfeed, my partner just sleeps through it all. I didn't sleep well during my pregnancy so haven't had a decent amount of sleep for a long time, I guess it's just caught up with me, I feel really weepy and don't feel I'm fully functioning.

Anyway my little lady goes to bed at 7pm and has been waking up at 10pm and then so on. I refused to feed her at this time and she cried on and off for about 2 hours, we co sleep so I was there for comfort, she eventually fell asleep, then woke at 2am for about half an hour, she then slept through till 6:45am!

She eats 3 meals plus snacks, decent sized portions. Also has 3-4 breast feeds in the day.

Is it ok to just stop feeding baby on a night so suddenly? I just feel so bad.

Any advice, support would be hugely appreciated x

Don't feel bad - she might well sleep through tonight without waking at all and then never look back! She's eating well during the day so she's still going to be well fed without night feeds. Also once you start getting some good unbroken sleep you'll feel so much better during the day which she'll pick up on. Hang in there

Hello,

I'm still bf my nearly 21 month old but we nightweaned him at 10.5 months because he was waking nearly every hour and it got to the point where it felt like he wouldn't sleep unless he was latched on. Basically, it had got to the crunch point of 6/7 months of hourly wakings I knew something had to give or I was going to get ill. So don't feel guilty. You've got to your limits as a person, and that's fine. What we did, and we had little choice as we were in a one-bed flat - is that I moved into the lounge and dh stayed in the bedroom with ds. So the first night was tough but after that it was ok. Yes, I did feel guilty BUT i also recognised that I was going to get mentally ill if I continued and he had just got into a habit of wanting to be latched on all night which meant i got no sleep.
He is still obsessed by boob but i only feed at night now if he is ill or he just won't settle with dh.
We started on a friday night so dh didn't have to get up for work the next day. It meant that from that time on, dh had to make a much bigger committment to our ds as he became responsible for the nights, but I plainly told him, he would have to do this for my sanity and luckily for me he understood.
don't feel guilty if you are at the end of your tether. this will help you become a better mum in the long run. but my personal advice would be to get your partner to stay with dd so you know she is not upset alone.

hope this helps

It's hard isn't it?

It is also hard to go cold turkey

Why don't you reduce the time of each night feed by one minute every other night so it comes to a halt gradually?

I night weaned DD in this way before my return to work and it was very gentle for both of us

I did keep then10 o clock feed until she was 11 months though

Thanks ladies

It's amazing how just a few words can make you feel better :)

I have just spoke to my mum on the phone, I cried a lot, so she offered to babysit next weekend in the evening, so I can have a night out I don't want a bloody night out! I want to sleep! :0.

I tried the gradual weaning, she wasn't happy that I removed her from booby before she was ready we had major battles. Tried it for 2 weeks!

10pm wake up time..... here we go, wish me luck!

xxx

DS2 was still waking every two hours at 13 months. In the end I felt the only thing to do was go cold turkey. I had a tricky few nights with him crying in my arms wile I gazed at the clock waiting for 6am when it could no longer be considered a night feed! But after those few nights he started sleeping through the night and has stayed a good sleeper ever since. We carried on breastfeeding until 22 months.

yeah, there's no way gradual weaning would have worked with my ds, he's far too strong minded and stubborn for that. We needed an all or nothing approach that was still gentle at the same time. You sound like you just need a break but at the same time change things to just make things a little easier for you. Looking after a baby is hard, but shouldn't be so hard that you can't cope, in my opinion.

can you get your mum round in the day so you can have some time off? or even be there in the evening whilst you take a break from the responsibility. It was a massive weight off my shoulders when dh took responsibility for the nights, I felt that it was just me 24/7 and it was just too much. Yes, I felt like a failure but I realised i just had a very high needs baby that needed a bit more care than an easy one.
don't let yourself get too burnt out and remember some babies ARE more difficult than others.
good luck x

ah, SO good to read your posts. Am also struggling to bf my 9 month old girl;no one tells you how exhausting it is! i really feel the need for honest real parenting courses pre-birth, not idealised as some NCT stuff can be but HOW IT REALLY IS!no one lets on before eg how painful chilbirth is; how its like throwing a hand grenade into your relationship, etc
she too has fed alot especially at nights now, as she's on her third virus and seems to get very dehydrated.we discussed this in my baby group and one woman suggested a bottle feed ( ie formula) before bed to fill her up so she sleeps through, and also as a feed in the day occasionally so she can go shopping alone, leaving babe with the dad.I thought i was too puritanical to do formula but now i think its just my instincts telling me not to mix the two up so i cant go there, However i think i may try the weaning off night feeds but only when she's eating proper meals, as the weaning isnt really going too well yet; she isnt always interested. but im going to prepare food now ( been lazy and used prepackaged organic stuff mostly so far)and try encourage her more.

ps i too love bf though i do feel crazy with being trapped when she has really long feeds and im stuck alone with nothing to read or do;ie am not prepared though a lifesaver is a radio/cd player with a remote!!