Stopped BF and feeling terribly upset

[WhatTheWhat]

I just stopped BF fairly suddenly and I am a bit shocked to find myself sitting here in tears about it.
We are about to start IVF treatment in the next few weeks and I have had to give up as I am taking drugs for it which would go into the breast milk.
I hadn't really thought about how it would be to give up and I certainly didn't expect to be upset.
I guess it's normal to be upset, but I am not the kind of person who actually cries. Yet here I am!
DD is fine with bottles, despite being started on them in fairly short order. She's just gone to sleep with no problems despite having a bottle rather than mummy milk before bed - so she doesn't seem unduly fazed.
Why on earth am I so bothered? How was it for you?
PS - I haven't even got to cope with engorgement yet as my boobs haven't notied I have stopped...

:( :(

This is so normal, WhatTheWhat - bf was part of your relationship with your baby and of course you are sad. You can't even explain to your dd why things have changed. It's a comfort that she still feels loved, secure, and cuddled and is happily settled as a result :)

I take it that sudden cessation was unavoidable - you can check this here toxnet.nlm.nih.gov/cgi-bin/sis/htmlgen?LACT and see if there is a risk of harm that means you cannot ever bf again. What I'm thinking is that gradual cessation might be a possibility, so if your dd asks for a bf you don't have to refuse...but naturally you'll want to discuss that with the docs.

Bottle feed just as if you were bf - close, responsive, cuddlingly :) - and this will help your feelings of loss.

Hope things feel better soon.

I have just stopped although not suddenly. I have to go away for a week and amback at work and in the process of dropping feeds dd2 just stopped wanting it. I really understand your sense of loss but if you do as tik tok suggests and make every bottle feed as snuggly as possible it will help you. Haven't got anything constructive to add. Just that I know how you feel. You have done the very est you can for her and it's testament to you that she is so secure she has not noticed the transition. Good luck with the ivf.

The consultant has specifically said not to BF as the drugs will pass into breast milk. Also, I need to get my normal cycle back. Apparently periods whilst BF are not 'real' periods. (?)
Might try going and watching something funny on telly.

I can synpathise totally - I had to stop BF when DD was 12 months as I was due to start IVF again, and I hated stopping.

Like you, DD didn't seem that fussed, but I was terribly upset at the time. I think stopping when you don't really want to, and it is something that has been imposed upon you is the key here - I felt as though I'd been forced to stop against my will, and it was the end of babyhood as I'd known it. And I was worried the IVF wouldn't work and I'd have stopped for nothing.

Anyway, I got over it OK in relatively short order (within a week I felt like BF was something I'd done in a previous life). Even when the IVF didn't work out, I was OK with stopping.

Hope things work out for you

Have tried making bottles snuggly, but she looks away a lot and it's very different.
It's so silly because it's all about me!
DD hasn't been at all bothered that the daytime feeds have become bottles and she only marginally missed her bedtime bf.
Must pull myself together...

And thank you for messages re IVF success! Fingers crossed.

I have given up bf after 9 months and it was something i'd been thinking about for a while but I needed to stop to change the AD's i'm on. I felt like this magical bond between me and my DS had gone and that he didnt need me anymore. In hindsight I was bfing to make sure he needed me but that's because I have issues.

Anyway, we are now at a point where i'm enjoying him so much more because he's giving me cuddles for me and not for my boobs if that makes sense and i've also been able to get him into a routine which was a real problem before. I know that we had our difficulties and stopping bfing has helped us so it's different to your situation but I want you to know that although it's a sad thing to give up you will get through that feeling and then make sure you're having as many cuddles and fun times together just without him feeding from you.

It's interesting to read that because I do have to admit, now I think about it, I have always been very, quietly, worried my daughter might reject me or not love me.

I feel for you. I just recently had to stop quite abruptly myself - see thread here

I think it is natural and normal to feel rather emotionally bereft. My baby was a bit upset about it, but not half as much as me. She moaned a bit to start with, but after just over a week without bf, I think she's pretty much forgotten.
I felt so unnatural not being able to feed her and I was very tearful for a few days. Thankfully I seem to be over the worst now and I'm feeling a bit better about it. On the plus side, it has been quite liberating having DH help out with those 5am cries.

It's important to bond in lots of other ways, cuddles, chatting and playing. Also I'm really putting some of my energies into preparing DDs food for her as she has recently started on solids.

Good luck, hope you feel better soon, and good luck with the IVF.

@RR - I cooked a vat of baby food the day I stopped!