getting mighty fed up of tandem feeding and need encouragement

[smugtandemfeeder]

As my name suggests I am tandem feeding my toddler and newborn and am very pleased I am able to do it. However it is often making me really angry. My toddler screams for it constantly. its been 8 weeks now and not getting any better. I can distract him a bit during the day but he has a habit of coming into bed in the very early hours screaming for it. When I say 'not until morning' or 'wait until baby has finished' he kicks us and screams. DH very helpfully says 'put them both on.the bottle' Please encourage me or help me fix it!

Oh bless him :( is it possible that he's still unsettled because of the new baby? I've got all this to look forward to, I'm due in 20 weeks and DD is still feeding 4 or 5 times a day. Can your DH be in charge of putting him back to bed and settling him back in? I've read that this is meant to help.

Thanks EauRouge. Unfortunately DS1 has never ever slept and doesnt really do settling back to sleep after 4am. Im having some slight sucess with "either play with your toys quietly or go back to sleep." But the screaming to be fed followed by kicking me and baby is the default. I know I could just get up but im so tired I cant bring myself to when i know baby will sleep until 7! DH is trying but he is exhausted too.

Oh goodness, took DD to the doctors today for her 8 week check and my doctor asked if I was breastfeeding. I said that I was and that I was also feeding 2.5yo. He put his head in his hands, sighed, shook his head and asked me when I was planning to stop. When I said I wanted to do child led weaning he told me angrily that it never works and that I must stop now, I was honestly shocked. Not what I expected or needed although it has made me more determined to continue.

Think I need to lose the smug from my name this week as im feeling demoralised and like some kind of freak.....

I am in the same situation age gap wise and also had the same early morning kicking and screaming until very recently, but it seems to have resolved itself. DD2 is now 13 weeks and just in the last couple of weeks DD1 seems a lot less milk obsessed and less jealous of DD2 feeding.

Sorry about your GP and his reaction. I am a GP myself and frequently dismayed/surprised/embarassed by other Drs' attitudes to BF and especially extended BF.

SeriousWispaHabit I cant tell you how strong a wave of relief just washed over me reading your post. To know that there is some hope for the situation to get better soon. Can I ask how you handled the constant requests and early morning screaming? I have Adventures in Tandem Feeding which is helpful but I still dont know what to do. Sometimes the theory is a bit too theoretical for my son! Im too tired to think up elabourate distractions at 5am!!

STF - have you tried the 'killing them with kindness' technique? It can be a bit intense (and if you can't get your DH to shut up about formula a bit lonely) but it should work fairly quickly.

When your toddler asks for milk you say yes (even if it means feeding both at the same time) every single time they ask, no delays or distractions (obvious exceptions apply [getting off bus/on toilet/driving car]). The more you say no the more they need to nurse as it becomes forbidden fruit, if you let them have it then it becomes less exciting.

I did this with DD1 when DD2 was tiny. I never needed to physically tandem nurse after about DD2 was 8 weeks (I did hate it though - way too much stimulation). I haven't had to nurse DD2 and DD3 together yet and DD3 is 1 soon (DD2 is still nursing at 2.10y/o).

Oh PFFFFFFFFFFFFPPPPP to your GP - children do self wean. DD1 did at 3.6 y/o with absolutely no forcing from me. She stopped being able to latch and weaned with just a few tears (mostly my DH's ). Good luck and hopefully your boob monster will calm down soon

at your GP, what an utter utter twunt. Smack him around the head with your copy of Tandem Feeding, it's heavy enough to knock some sense into him.

Is there a LLL group near you? I've been going to one and it's brilliant, they are so supportive and you might meet some other tandem mums. You are absolutely not a freak but your GP definitely is!

I haven't really dealt with it as such other than being consistent that she only has milk in the morning (any time after 6am is my rule as if she wakes up then she won't go back to sleep). I have spent 3 months repeatedly saying this along with explaining that if she kicks/screams/shouts that it will wake DD2. She is now settling for cuddles if she wakes early morning and then goes back to bed quite happily for another hour or so. No magic answers though I'm afraid.