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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

desperately need some encouragement!

26 replies

Kity · 26/09/2010 09:24

Hi all.
Would love some help, advice, cyber hugs!!
My DD (second baby) is just coming up to 5 weeks old and we've been EBF since birth. My DS is 2 years old now and he was EBF for 7months.
I had the most horrendous start feeding my DS, wouldn't latch on, I didn't know what I was doing, every feed I would try to get him on, then express some milk, then cup feed him! We went through blocked ducts fevers, you name it, but I was so bloody minded about the whole thing I just would not give up. Anyway, things eventually fell into place and the whole experience was as rewarding as I'd hoped it would be.
DD is the complete opposite, she has fed beautifully from birth, we've had a few days of sore nipples but, compared to my DS, its been a walk in the park!

Anyway, the past week my daughter has had a cold, which has meant the poor thing has a blocked nose, so she's been feeding pretty much every hour sometimes every two, taking a bit then falling asleep, presumably coz she's so exhausted.
My hubby works away quite a bit and so I am alone with my toddler and newborn, I have fantastic support from friends and family but unfortunately no one else around me has EBF and everyone thinks a bottle is the solution.
My friends that did BF first time around, said that they just didn't have the time with the second one, and everyone has kept saying "you wont do it as long this time"

I am so so so tired, I just want to cry all the time, I am short tempered with my poor son, and I just cant see an end to it all. I absolutely will stick with it, but if any of you mums have words of encouragement, maybe if you've had a rocky patch but come through the other side? I am delirious with tiredness and I cannot remember when my DS became more regular with his feeds?

I know that everything would look better after a good nights sleep, but Im not getting more than an hour at a time at the moment and its killing me! I don't recognise myself anymore!

HELP!!

OP posts:

jemjabella · 26/09/2010 09:55

I only have the one, so can't offer you any words of advice on juggling a baby and a toddler but look at it objectively... if you were to switch to bottles your DD would still have a cold, still have problems feeding, but wouldn't be getting the lovely jubbly immune-boosting goodness from your milk. Furthermore, you'd also have the added stress of having to faff with boiling kettles and making bottles.

You're doing the the very best for your DD as you did for your DS - you know this - so go easy on yourself. Plonk DS in front of cbeebies or a DVD if needs be. This too shall pass. :)

Mishy1234 · 26/09/2010 10:09

Colds are a nightmare, especially when they are so small. Regular bf is the very best you could do for your DD to help her through it, so maybe try to focus on that to get you through this tough patch.

BF a newborn with a toddler in tow has to rate as one of the toughest things I've ever done, so I completely understand how you're feeling. All I can say is it DOES pass and in the long term gets much easier once everyone has found their 'place' so to speak. Try reading to your DS and a special box of toys just for bf times can be useful too.

Try to ignore your friends (they all mean well, but could unwittingly sabotage your efforts) and carry on as you've been doing. It WILL be worth it in the end.

Also, well done for getting this far. It's a hard job and you sounds as if you're doing extremely well!

Mishy1234 · 26/09/2010 10:11

Also, for sleep thing...are you co-sleeping? It's how I've managed to survive so far.

pommedeterre · 26/09/2010 10:14

Baby olbas oil on a bib in the general vicinity when feeding/was in her moses basket helped me when dd had a blocked nose at 5 weeks.

TheProvincialLady · 26/09/2010 10:20

Yes, co sleeping is definitely a help in these situations IMO.

BF when the baby has a cold is grim, yes, but I had to bottle feed EBM to DS1 and it was much harder, because you can't comfort them in the same way that a BF does. DS1 couldn't keep a dummy in when he had a cold so it was either drinkng milk or nothing. And bottle feeding was just as frequent and difficult, but with the added bonus of extra sterilising/washing bottles that he had drunk about 10ml from, every half hour.

I found BF DS2 tricky at times in the early weeks, but the pay off is that it makes life so much easier when you can absent mindedly feed the baby whilst reading/playing with the child. Your son will survive a few short tempered weeks - just try and find the time/energy to give him attention whilst DD sleeps.

Have you got a good wrap sling, such as a Moby? You might find that if you were carrying her around upright all the time (not difficult at all with the Moby), she would be less snuffly and sleep better. If you were really clever you could get her to feed upright too.

You are doing a great job

Mishy1234 · 26/09/2010 10:34

TheProvincialLady- completely agree with the stretchy wrap suggestion. It's one of the first things I put on in the morning (after clothes of course!) and I can just pop DS2 in and out as needed. VERY useful for keeping him upright (he also has a stinking cold, but is nearly 4 months) and you can feed in it too with a bit of practice. I have a Moby and it's been a Godsend. There's a kangaroo care position as well which you can use for skin to skin, which might help her through the worst and make regular feeding access easier?

I've also seen people have great success feeding in upright positions, so might be worth a try.

Maranello · 26/09/2010 10:37

Can only echo what everyone else says and that it does get easier!

You might like to try this to clear her nose before a bf - it sounds disgusting, but it does get the gunk out!

Mishy1234 · 26/09/2010 10:47

Just to add...the feeding position for the Moby is an adaptation of the 'newborn' and tummy-to-tummy hold. Not sure if you could feed in any other position than upright in the kangaroo hold (the wrapping method is slightly different so there's no material between you and the baby), so if you do use it please check it out carefully first. Don't know if anyone else could advise on this? If you do decide to get a Moby there are detailed instructions which come with it and also some very good YouTube videos.

PreciousCargo · 26/09/2010 10:53

Sounds like you are doing an amazingly and baby is getting the best start. I can't imagine it would be any easier with a bottle, especially getting up and sterilising/preparing them constantly. Though I know what it's like.to feel the pressure from others to go that way.

The early weeks are hard, I only have one so understandably harder with two. But it does settle down and it will gwt easier, it really will.

PreciousCargo · 26/09/2010 10:56

BTW I seem to remember 6 weeks being a bit of a milestone and DS started to regulate his feeds, so not long to go!

MoonFaceMama · 26/09/2010 11:19

Hi kity. I have so much respect for you bfing a newborn with a toddler. It sounds like you are pretty low and that is understandable. You've had some great advice above so i won't repeat it. I will add though that i recall getting to the end of week six with ds and suddenly realising it was a all alot easier. So hopefully you are just about to turn a corner. Co sleeping and feeding lying down definatly made a difference for me. Can you snuggle up with both your dc's to watch a dvd or read a book while feeding dd? That way you all get something out of it (and just think the alternative is no one getting snuggles while you wash and sterilise bottles etc ) perhaps if you could wear dd in a sling while wearing ds out at the park for a bit the above might be do-able? Sorry if this is stating the obvious.

You are doing a wonderful thing so go easy on yourself, do what you need to do to get through this (i suggest lots of chocolate )

Lastly i am sending you lots and lots of hugs.

MsKalo · 26/09/2010 11:20

Kity - you are doing sooooo well! I had my second only 21 mths after my first and bf in the beg is so hard! Especially with colds etc! Now, 12 mths later my dd is still bf and loves it so and I am so glad I persevered (like you, never in my mind to stop and my ds had bf for 19 mths so wanted same for my dd). Let us know how you getting on and msg me too anytime x

MsKalo · 26/09/2010 11:22

MoonFM has g8 advice too - I would snuggle up with both, feeding dd on one side, playing and hugging ds with other hand! It will get better - like anything worth doing, perseverance is the key x

Original poster

Kity · 26/09/2010 16:24

Wow. thank you all so very much. Am reading your replies through a blur of tears! I think I just wanted to heer a few "well done's" and "stick at it" as no one around me says it? Just suggests dummies, bottles formula etc and in my bleak moments I do think, will that make life easier? But as many of you have pointed out, no actually it wont!

Funnily enough a few nights ago, whilst my hubby was here he slept in the spare room and I had DD in bed with me, I fed her in a propped up position and then she slept in my v pillow next to me and she did sleep better, didn't seem as congested and rattly, so maybe the closeness and the slightly elevated position helped?? Isn't it stupid how you just recognise something until someone points it out to you? So those that suggested co sleeping, I think this may be a good idea and will definitely try it again tonight.

A sling is a great idea too, I hadn't thought of that. We used one very briefly with DS but I can see how this time around it would make perfect sense. We'll prob get a lot more done and all three of us can spend nice time together.

Also, the health visitor has told me that 6 weeks is a bit of a turning point, and I have a vague recollection of being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel last time. The first few weeks just seem such a blur. I wish I had written a diary from my DS first few weeks, just something to go over and realise that things do get better.

Cant thank you all enough, it really was just what I needed to hear. I will soldier on and maybe try not to be so hard on myself!!
XX

OP posts:

MoonFaceMama · 26/09/2010 16:48

aw, glad you feel better. Do google (or try other threads) for safe co sleeping guidance if you haven't already. Sorry i'm on my phone so can't link. Keep posting if you can use any more help.

jemjabella · 26/09/2010 16:51

Shout if you need sling advice, I'm a bit of an addict

MoonFaceMama · 26/09/2010 17:12

ooh jemja...what would you recommend in this situation? I'm hoping to be in a similar position one day...

jemjabella · 26/09/2010 17:21

Definitely a stretchy wrap (Moby wraps are good but pricier than an unbranded one). When babies are still so small the stretch makes it perfect for popping in and out and they're nice and warm which is great as the weather cools down. Then, as baby gets older (5-6 months but depends on weight) you can move to either a woven wrap, or a mei tai/soft-structured jobby. (I am a wrapper at heart but they have a bit of a learning curve.)

www.slingguide.co.uk/instructions.php for usage instructions :)

The benefit of the wrap at this age is that it's easy to fiddle with it to support the head for babies that are lacking head control. Mei tais are easier for a newbie but they're often too long in the body for a small baby and need rolling up to adjust, which can be a pain in the butt to get right.

MoonFaceMama · 26/09/2010 17:44

Thank you! Will check out the link when i'm on the computer as tiny phone screen is a mare for browsing (obv i know my way round mn like the back of my hand ) we're on a permanent budget so is their one that would see us through? We have a rubbish mothercare one we were given that i could put up with some times and a backpack carrier for when older (six months). Can do learning to wrap and/or some degree of pita-ness (good with my hands etc). Ds is quite a strapping lad so odds are on dc2 (touch wood) being similar.

jemjabella · 26/09/2010 19:36

A good woven wrap will work from birth to... well, as long as you can carry. I know of mums who can carry their 4-5 year olds. You're looking at a price range of about £40+

MoonFaceMama · 26/09/2010 20:14

That's great thank you... Will look in to that.

Original poster

Kity · 26/09/2010 21:31

Thanks for the sling advice JJ, just been looking at various options. Love the idea of a mei tai, looks easy to do and comfy aswell. We were given a baby bjorn one with our DS and it was like a straight jacket!! all the velcro and clasps, its drove me mad trying to get it on.
My DD is on the large size, shes 10lbs already and very solid and strong so do you think she'd be ok in one of these or should I hold off til shes a bit older do you think??
I love mumsnet! the kindness of strangers eh!! X

OP posts:

FrozenNorth · 26/09/2010 22:20

Just wanted to add my support - I've got a 2 year-old toddler and 7 month old and the early days were blurry and tough. An early cold was horrendous BUT I did find DD2 got through it faster than I expected thanks, I think, to the immunological benefits of bm. In the meantime I like the Karvol plug-in you can buy for helping them breathe at night, and second the co-sleeping thing.

Your toddler is definitely not going to remember a few days of mummy being a little grumpy - and occasions like this are definitely what CBeebies is for, as are fun picnic-type meals in the living room for you all and a pack of chocolate buttons on hand for emergencies (either you or toddler :o)

I hope that you get a little rest tonight and applaud the efforts you're going to. Have an unmumsnetty hug.

jemjabella · 27/09/2010 09:40

You should be able to use a mei tai now, but you may need to cinch the waist of it in a bit to provide a slightly smaller base for baby's bum.

The Bjorns aren't recommended as the way they dangle babies by the crotch puts pressure on the developing spine.

MsKalo · 27/09/2010 20:57

oh by the way - very imp note - have you thought of taking her to a cranial osteopath? my ds was a nightmare too and i saw a cranial osteopath who deals with babies (sounds scary but not at all, very very gentle it is, just like he is touching the head and no hurt to baby) and it made a massive difference. being born either vaginally or c-sec can have a massive impact on the head and these cranial osteopaths are an amazing help. i don't know where you live but i have an amazing cranial osteopath in northampton that people from all over the country travel to see but there is also bound to be ones local to you. worth doing!

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