6 month old baby, wants to sleep on boob

[LeosMum10]

Okay I think some of my problems are in common with other posts on this page but any advice would be much appreciated..

My 6.5 month old son is ADDICTED to the boob. He wants to comfort suck to sleep for every nap during the day, to go to sleep in the evening and whenever he wakes in the night (2-3 times between 12 and 6am, and seems to be getting more frequent). Sometimes this can take half an hour or more, and I need to "top him up" to get him back to sleep after only 20 mins; sometimes he will only stay asleep if he continues to comfort suck (I can't sleep when he does this). Added to his actual hunger feeds, it amounts to his feeding about 12 times a day. He's 8.5 kilos and flourishing - what a surprise! He is extremely cheerful and relaxed, which is great. He has 2 teeth and more on the way. But I am absolutely shattered - as is my partner. There has been no easier phase since birth.

He goes crazy if we try to put him to sleep on his own in his cot - and the crying escalates. Last night we tried for an hour (with many reassurances) but gave in and brought him to sit with us: he got the giggles when he was brought through! I HATE to hear him cry and have tried many alternatives to nursing to sleep, including pat/shush (works only for a few minutes but he wakes as soon as you stop), singing, rocking... you name it.

He won't take a dummy, or a bottle, and he's almost completely uninterested in solids. Other than letting him cry, I just don't know what else I can do to try and reduce his need for the boob to sleep. But doing that will be horrible because he gets very worked up. If I thought it would improve of its own accord I would hang in there but I have been saying that for weeks and weeks now.... The hardest thing is that I'm so tired I have no will power or energy to tackle the problem. But we are near the end of our tether and now my partner and my parents are putting pressure on me to "show him who's boss".

Please help!

We did cc with our ds at 6 months. The most essential part of the process was getting my dh to put ds to bed and to do any of the comforting bits instead of me. If I went in there, he would know that boob was available and cry for it. Then again, with dd we never did get her to go to sleep on her own very successfully. Each child is different, so please don't beat yourself up over it. My ds is now 9 and dd is almost 8 and they are normal well adjusted children who sleep more or less in normal patterns. So don't give up.

We went through 6 different shaped dummies before insisting with a silicone one that she held for 2 seconds before spitting it. That went in after feeding say the 10 mins each side but when the eyes started to droop and you knew she only wanted to comfort feed. It went with a muslin that had been shoved down my top for a day so it smelled of me and after a few rough days and nights it worked . Also because I couldn't comfort feed everytime dd2 needed it . I found that her feeding time settled down a bit and then we went into weaning ..This all happened to me at round 4 -5 mths. Good luck hope you find a remedy..Its draining !

Can I ask - what is the problem that you're trying to fix? Is it just the tiredness, or are you wanting to remove the boob from the equation?

I ask because at a similar age I was having doubts about boob and sleep connections and the easiest way to get over that was to adjust MY expectations rather than trying to adjust the natural, normal behaviour of a baby.

The sleep thing can be fixed in various ways... co-sleeping (either bed-sharing or by attaching the cot to the side of the bed with a side removed) to promote sleep-feeding (or at least not having to get out of bed; earlier nights during the rough patches are a must; nap in the day if you have no other children to worry about.

CC is barbaric and I don't understand how any mother could do it.

Cocked up my brackets but hopefully that all makes sense.

Jemjabella is right. My ds is 6 months old and I cosleep to ensure I have a decent night. He is a boob monster as well

It is not forever. This phase will pass like all others. I personally would not do cc as I feel it can be damaging psychologically. Babies need to be close to their mothers. Until they can talk they use crying to tell you something is wrong.

As it happens I am not a barbarian except when I don't get enough sleep and therefore for me, cc was essential. I have two very well adjusted happy children who are not "damaged psychologically." So if you need to do cc because you can't function with the dynamic that you currently have, I can testify to its success in the short term and lack of negative side effect in the long term. There is more than one right way to bring up a child and I'm sorry that the name calling has started on this thread when all you are looking for is help.
I do agree with jemjabella that it is important that you figure out what you really need before you set out on a path and as a result you may need to change your expectations. Do you want to be bfing less or sleeping more, or not waking up at night? Some babies just don't do good solid sleeps for 10 hour stretches, ever. And if you have one of those babies, and need more sleep yourself, then you will have to figure out a plan of action that takes your baby's character into account. CC never really worked for my dd and I just had to figure out other ways of dealing with the night waking (ear plugs and a dh on duty certainly helped).

Hi Leasmum10, I hear your story and my heart goes out to you. My DS is a little younger nearly 5 and half months, but is exactly the same. Will only go to sleep on the boob, for naps and at night. If I was to put him in the cot awake he would just cry and I am not sure i can listen to that

We took the decision in the early weeks to co-sleep when he wouldn't settle in his moses or crib, and ofcourse he tucks into mums all night milk bar throughout the night, for plenty of feeds and just to settle himself. The situation seemed okay up til a little while ago, but the bed is now becoming an issue for a few reasons and I just don't know how I am ever going to move him to his cot. He won't take a dummy and has always hated a bottle. I know nothing is forever, but will he ever learn to setrle himself? I have tried the No-cry Sleep Solution, but found that book geared up for those who want to continue co-sleep. The only option seems to be leaving him to cry and I don't think I can do that. I blame myself to some extent for not putting him down in the early weeks when he was sucking for comfort, but I found it hard to distinguish between that and feeding in the early days of constant feeding.

I always knew it would be tiring being a mum, but having to constantly hold him 24/7 so he can be close to the boob for feeding/to get him to sleep is exhausting and I wonder how we will ever get out of this! Hopefully we will get some real advice on here, Good Luck!

PreciousCargo - your baby is still very little. You cannot expect a tiny baby to understand the social implications of being awake at X time/not sleeping in his cot/wanting boob. I understand that it's difficult, I really do, but your baby (and the OP's baby) are behaving as nature intended.

Imagine your son in 10 years time. Do you really think he'll still be co-sleeping, attached to the boob all night? No, because babies become independent and move away when they're ready, when they've had their fill of love and attention.

In a few months time you'll be posting here for advice on how to get your wandering crawling baby to sit still long enough to feed, trust me

You are doing fabulously to meet your infant's needs and that can never be a bad thing :)

Leosmum and PreciousCargo - your babies are still tiny, this is normal behaviour. Especially so if they are teething (not always visible at this age) and need feeds for pain relief/comfort. If you can co-sleep, do. There is no habit-forming risk, your DCs will learn to sleep through, irrspective of what you do or offer.

FWIW we co-slept and fed on demand and my DS started sleeping through from just after 12 months (occasionally) to 18mo (consistently). Consistently sleeping through came almost to the day after the last of his teeth appeared.

BTW, CC isn't designed for babies under 12mo. They don't have the necessary sense of object permanence to be able to cope with it in any meaningful sense (ie to understand that you have left but that you will be coming back and have not abandoned them entirely).

Thank you jemjabella and ScroobiousPip

I know it is just a stage of many and I think that the tiredness sometimes makes a situation seem worse than it actually is! We were only talking over breakfast saying how hard the early weeks were, when I was constantly feeding and could never put him down anywhere awake for more than a few minutes without him screaming to be held close. Now he is happy just to watch us while we eat (he is even starting to try and help himself to toast!) I never thought we'd move on from the early weeks..and here we are. It is the most natural thing, you see it in other cultures ariund the world, baby in sling hanging onto boob all day along, walking around outside (can't see me doing that in the supermarket though!)

I think society here can make you feel as if you're doing it all wrong...shouldn't co-sleep, shouldn't feed to sleep etc..let's applaud ourselves instead!

BTW wouldn't be considering any CC method yet, if at all. Agreed they are far too young to understand it is bed and that means sleep.

ScoobiousPip - sorry if an obvious question, when you said your LO's started sleeping through, was that in their own beds or co-sleeping? If/when did you make the transition?

Such a reassuring thread. DS2 is 6 and a half months, waking 3-4 times a night still and needs to be fed to sleep (apart from when my own mum rocks him to sleep and sings). It's so draining, but I keep saying to myself, this too shall pass. Bit of a shock as DS1 slept through consistently from 12 weeks, so to be grateful for 3 hour sleep stretches with DS2 at 6 months seems alien to me.

Would love an alternative to CC, as DS2 still feels too young. But the sleep deprivation is torture and I feel so guilty I am so tired constantly for DS1 who at nearly 3 just wants mummy to play all day. In some ways, I feel that by responding immediately to DS2 (i.e. feeding him when he wakes and not letting him cry), I am letting DS1 down, as I am so lazy during the days at the moment and relying on CBeebies more than I'd like. Agh!

Many thanks for all the replies and your sympathy, esp PreciousCargo - sounds like we're in the same boat!
What am I trying to fix exactly? My son is unable to fall asleep on his own and this bothers him as well as me. When he's tired and for whatever reason I can't put him on the boob there and then, he can't sleep, which he finds distressing. So problem 1 is: how to teach you baby that it's ok to fall asleep without the boob? can they ever learn this on their own and without crying? does it not just get more difficult for them as they get older? Problem 2 is: My partner and I need more rest. Yes this is "just tiredness", but since we emigrated when DS was 6 weeks old and have been trying to learn a new language and make new friends in a foreign country, tiredness, and inability to get out and about, can result in total isolation and depression. We do co-sleep but it's more of a co-doze for me - I just don't sleep anywhere near properly when he's sucking on the boob.
It's extremely encouraging to hear of mums whose children have done this and they have grown out of it within 12-18 months. I would like to stop BF at 12 months (or be at the stage of 1 or 2 feeds a day). We would like to start trying for a 2nd child when DS is about 18 months old and at this rate I'll never have another period again!
Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. FWIW DH and I have decided to go with the flow for a while longer and put off the CC. And pray... Thanks again for your responses.

The thing is, even if your son was able to fall asleep by himself, it wouldn't stop him getting distressed when he gets overtired. Self-settlers don't have a magic off switch to prevent this.

I know of lots of babies who've co-slept and boobed to sleep who have no problems sleeping now, so yes they do get there by themselves and no, it doesn't require CIO to do it. (I frequent a forum of mumz of whom many co-sleep/have co-slept with multiple kids and while they're biased towards that type of parenting I don't think they'd continue doing it if it meant lots of issues later on. If you want the URL let me know.)

I didn't say "just tiredness" to undermine how tired you're feeling (rather, to clarify between the two 'issues'). I have co-slept since the beginning, including through a weeks hospital stay, and recently the dreaded 9 month sleep regression, so know exactly how it feels to be tired. However, I do believe, and see from the many threads created on here, that if I wasn't co-sleeping I'd be ten times worse.

I'm not trying to guilt you into continuing doing what you're doing btw, just trying to offer you the perspective of someone who is a bit further down the line. My DD is 10 months old and while she's no perfect baby, I wouldn't change any aspect of her sleep/boob associations at this point in time. :)

I didn't mean to type mumz!

I too have decided to ride it out for now, and I know things could be a lot worse. Good Luck Leasmum

Thank you jamjabella, I agree co-sleeping has been a life saver and given us all the sleep we needed in those exhausting early weeks and most importantly the closeness that DS craved. I'd like to pick your brain on cs briefly. I found DS gets very niggly after 7pm, as if he is telling us this is his bed time. So I try and be changed for bed by 7pm so I can feed him either on the bed or on the sofa then carry him to bed about 9pm for minimum disruption.I pick 9pm as he then seems to have finished on the booband be in a deep sleep. Sometimes he can be very cranky as if he is telling me he is overtired, and I feel guilty for not being able to just put him down in his bed to sleep.

How do you handle "bed time"? I know all babies are different in terms of when they go to sleep, but would be interested to know how other co-sleepers do it?

Hi PreciousCargo, sorry about the delay - bit of a time difference going on!

My DS self-settles now at 22mo, has been doing since about 14mo, I think (it's hazy already!). We made the transition when I had to be away and DH took over for the night - by all accounts it was pretty straightforward. From there, we moved to a 'no bfing after teeth cleaning rule'. Now, the pattern is that he has a bath, a bf, cleans teeth and then one of us sings or reads him to sleep. He usually listens to the same book 3 or 4 (or 7!) times and then turns over, snuggles down and passes out.

When DS was 6 or even 10mo this all seemed an impossible target and it was very hard not to believe my 'rod for your own back MIL'. But he really did develop in leaps and bounds once he hit 12mo - I think verbal and reasoning skills have a lot to do with it, as well as getting teething out of the way.

DS does stilltend to co-sleep but he no longer needs/likes to be touching and I can settle him with my voice so, really, I think he would be pretty happy in his own bed. The only snag is that I haven't got round to building it yet!

We have a similar bedtime 'routine' to you PreciousCargo. I bath with my DD, get changed into my nightie or whatever, boob her to sleep downstairs and then we both go to bed about 9pm.

If I've got stuff that needs doing I'll take her upstairs as she's drifting off, finish giving her boob upstairs then come back down on my own. I found if I do it that way instead of taking her when she's completely asleep she stays asleep on her own longer. We couldn't do this til about 7mo though - before that she just wasn't ready to be left alone upstairs and would wake straight away.

Jamjabella thank you, encouraging you can leave her asleep upstairs, I can barely put DS down for 5 minutes to go to the toilet without him waking! Although that has improved on the early weeks, everyday we make progress!I know nothing is forever and we're just going to ride things out for now...

ScroobiousPip thsnk you, I know we'll get there too!

That's it exactly.. every day, progress is made. I wouldn't have expected to be sat here with my DD fast asleep upstairs on her own when I was where you are at 5ish months. :)

OP, this sounds a lot like my little girl who is the same age, she had always fed to sleep, including in the day time, and as she was approaching 6 months, it all seemed to be getting a bit out of hand.

i read a really good book called 'the gentle art of sleep' by andrea grace i think.
i didn't have the stomach for controlled crying but went with the gradual withdrawal method (sounds like a dodgy sort of contraception!) along with changing the bed routine round so it didn't end with a feed.

i reckon it took 10 days to sort, starting with 1 1/4 hrs crying with me beside the cot patting and talking to her, and ending with me putting her in her cot awake, and her being asleep in 2 minutes without a murmer. she still wakes for a feed in the night, i'm not going to push her to stop if she wants it, but she is always awake when i put her back in the cot.

i've been able to get her to sleep in the day in the sling or walking (for an hour!) in the buggy, just a half hour here or there, but without the boob leading into it, she is a little less monsterous as a result.

its obviously up to you to work out the solution that is best for you and yours, but i found the book really good at helping to pinpoint what it is you want to change, what you are happy to accept and how to go about it.
maybe you could get your local library to get it for you?

Thanks tatyr, this is really useful. I'll try and track down the book.

I've got the title wrong, it's called 'gentle sleep solutions'

sorry i was not really firing on all cylinders last night!!

How are you getting on OP?

I have similar problem to you in that DS is 6 months and will only sleep on boob. We are co-sleeping which has become a problem, and I am disturbing him too. Trying to introduce a bottle which re refuses. At the back of mind is returning to work and how on earth whoever is looking after him will cope without boob to settle him...agghhh! Rant over...

Its really interesting to read this thread, as I can see my future playing out right here... I am only at 2 months but have all of those "issues". It scares me to think it might take to 12 months and beyond for DD to be independent enough to self settle and not rely on the boob for sleep, but what will be will be I suppose. Its great this place is here for support and ideas, as someone else said, there is no one right way to do things.