ohh,i think i've made a big mistake...

[motherbeyond]

...desprately wanted to bf,got help on here when i was struggling.
but now,my 4 month old baby will not sleep unless i feed him to sleep,i have always done this with him,but now he really needs to learn to sleep in his cot.

i've got into such a bad habit,feeding him to sleep on the sofa and holding him all night 'til i'm ready for bed,and then he sleeps with me.if he wakes up and starts to cry,i quickly lift my top and he latches on and goes back off.

i have tried over the past few days to sleep train him in his own cot,but he doesn't last longer than 45 mins and i cave about 1am and put him in with me.

i just cant stand the thought of no sleep, i have 2 other pre school children to care.

any suggestions?!

I cable tied the cot to the side of our bed. It didn't have a dropside so it worked as a bed guard, baby layed between me and the cot B/feeding really is much easier and safer than the alternative - espescially at night - the rules on making up formula safely have changed..............

My only advice would be not to worry too much about developing "bad habits"- just do what you need to do to get some sleep and the "bad habits" will sort themselves out later (or you can address them later when you have more energy!)

With dd1, I was determined she would go to sleep in her cot. I resisted feeding her to sleep, even though I knew it worked. This resulted in me sitting holding her hand, weeping with fatigue for months, but she slept in her own cot.

With dd2 (who was born when dd1 was 17mths and still had sleep issues!) I couldn't put myself through that again, so I fed her to sleep, then put her in her cot, brought her into bed and fed her if she woke- soooo much easier, and surprise surprise she slept in her own cot at a younger age than dd1, and has been a better sleeper. Encouraged by this, did the same with ds and he too now sleeps in his own bed and the transition was surprisingly easy

I would say don't stress it. Do what it takes to keep you sane and getting some sleep. I wish I hadn't been so rigid with dd1- it was a horrible time, and went against my instincts, but I was convinced by the teeth-sucking "bad-habit" squad. It all works out in the end, IMO

Daytime naps - have you tried a sling?

Can I ask a question? I thought that the rule regarding alcohol and co-sleeping was because of the danger of being in a heavier sleep and rolling onto your baby.

If OP has the baby on her side of the bed (and she hasn't had a drink) then I thought it would be ok if her DH had been drinking but was on the other side of her? (I mean I'm assuming we are talking a few drinks - not getting hammered?)

thanks lizzytee,he is ok-ish...his foot is v.swollen and bruised,but at least it's not broken.
processyellowc..yes,i do have a sling,(had to buy one when i realised i couldn't put him down!)but i have back probs,so it's not ideal.

i think i'll give the cot sidecar thing a go.
what did the co sleepers do about keeping warm?i was freezing last nitewith my arm out and my top up..i wantd to bury myself under the duvet,but couldn't!!

there is a 4 month sleep regression, which i sort of laughed at as I could not beleive the sleep could regress any further!

I found 4 months the hardest time tbh (apart from now at 10months and teething!) as for the first few months, they need lots of milk, and now they need a bit less, but I was unsure whether he was feeding for comfort, because he was hungry, because he was bf, because I had messed up the routine.

In the end I came to the conclusion that he was sleep regressing, and also still quite hungry at night. We tried a bottle at 11pm or so every night, DH tried putting him to bed, made NO difference.

We have found moving him into his own room was the only thing really that has made a big difference to his sleeping, which we only did a couple of weeks ago.

I am not convinced she is waking up more because you are feeding, rather that you are feeding because he is waking up...

please do not be so quick to blame you introducing bad habits as you will spend a long time trying to undo something that can't be undone. Like i said, 4 months was the hardest time for me.

for co-sleeping - i always put DS is in warm sleeping back and have him sleep on top of the duvet, while i snuggle under, and when feeding, having a button night shirt so that you can have it unbuttoned but the rest of you is warm helps.

Don't worry about it would be my advice. i stressed so much about trying to get my firstborn to sleep on his own because 'the books' told me I should. My life was a nightmare then, he was upset, I was upset, we didn't get enough sleep. with dc2 and now dc3 I have thrown the books in the bin relaxed and fed them to sleep when small. Found it much less stressful and they do grow past that stage.

why does he need to learn to sleep ion his cot?

you don't say in the OP what the specific problem is. it sounds liek you're doing what is working for you, and that is fine

all 3 of mine were fed to sleep. all 3 can now fall asleep by themselves in their own beds.....

When my DS was around 4 months, I started putting him in his own cot which was flush against my bed. I found putting him to bed early (half 6) meant if I'd time it right, he'd sleep for two hours so I'd time to eat etc.

Babies usually fall into a deep sleep after 20 mins so easier to put down.

It took a while - but after a while he'd not wake up. That gradually changed to putting him in a bit earlier and he'd stir so I'd pat him and ssssh very close to his head. Now I can (unless he's ill/teething or overtired/wired) put him down awake. He's BF by the way.

I read the baby whisperer and felt miserable for failing. I also read other hooks - they gave good tips on nap times etc but I learnt to ignore any comments on my parenting!

As for your DH - I remember the nights of hardly seeing him as he slept in another room. But once we got those two hours we could start spending time together. However your DH needs to reassess his attitude. Get him on MN! my DH read loads of threads and realised it was normal. He even told me to ask on here for advice sometimes!

I have ffed two babies and bfed one and all of them were like this. Bfeeding isn't the issue; you just have a baby who likes cuddles and milk. And although I found my ffed babies had routines for feeds they didn't for sleep.

I agree with Pavlov; all my dc have had sleeping bags and slept on top of the bed with the bed pushed against the wall, with dh the other side of me. And some kind of button through thing is great; I used a fleece that buttoned through for extra cosiness.

It's such a short space of time in the reality of things.

For co sleeping, these are great www.gobedbug.com/ and might work in a cot with the side off to stop him rolling out if you can't attach the cot to the bed.

As for feeding to sleep, my LO was a pain for this, and I gradually introduced a dummy. He found it really offensive at first, but got over it. We don't need it every night, but if he is sucking a lot without feeding, and I am sore or tired, it's a godsend.

www.gobedbug.com/

I used to wear long sleeved pyjamas - loads in the supermarkets this time of year - and a dressing gown just over the arm which is out of the covers (was chunky and uncomfortable if I had it on both arms) It can be quite snuggly really! :) DS was born in October so the first, most duvet-paranoid stage was also the coldest.

Also have heating on low overnight if you can afford it. Not strictly necessary but can make night feeds more pleasant.

right.we've taken one side off the cot and moved it into our room....here's hopin'!thanks for all your help