Struggling with the decision of whether (and if so, how) to wean my three and a half year old DS

[RoRoMommy]

Hi all,

I used to frequent this board often, particularly in the early days, but breastfeeding gradually got a lot easier and I relied on you all less and less. Now I find myself at the opposite side of things - I need some advice on whether, and if so, how to stop.

My husband and I separated in February. I say this because I've been reluctant to impose too much change in my son's life because of the separation. He's adjusted to it beautifully, six months in he's used to visiting dad at "house 2" and seems quite happy and well-adjusted.

I've been told that continuing at this stage could have a detrimental impact on his psychology, particularly since he no longer has to compete with his dad for my attention. I've also been told (today) by his dentist that he must stop breastfeeding at night because he's more susceptible to cavities and has a new one on a back molar.

I would like to wean - I think the time has come for him to rely on other forms of cuddling and closeness, and to be able to go back to sleep at night without breastfeeding (we still co-sleep, though I've put his bed next to mine and we're working on that too). I say that because it isn't just the external voices urging me on, but the internal ones, too. That said, it's almost easier to continue because it seems that stopping will be very difficult and disruptive for him. I did once want to continue until he weaned himself, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Can anyone help with techniques, success stories, what to look out for, etc?

Thanks in advance!

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your break up. My ds1 is a similar age and I would like to wean him, but he also shows no signs of giving up on his own and is very attached to bf and discussions about finishing don't go down well with him.

I did nightwear some time ago, with some success. Tbh I reached the end of my teather and just decided I had to do it. Once I was mentally prepared for it it meant I would be strong enough to do and say no when he asked. He did cry but I explained there would be no more until morning. He still asks sometimes but I stay firm and will cuddle him instead. Most the time he no longer asks and just wants a cuddle.

With other feeds (bed time and a little bit in the morning) I have cut down the time, I tell him I will count to 5 or 10, or to the end of a song if we are listening to a cd. I have tried explaining he is a big boy now so doesn't need it but he doesn't really want to be a big boy I think! I have also said it's a bit uncomfortable for me now, which it is, and sai it's because he Is bigger.

The feeds are now very short, no longer than 10 mins a day I would estimate. I can see his younger brother being weaned earlier than him though at the rate we are going!

Sorry about the typos, bloody iPad and stupid predictive text!

Thanks Chegggers, that's all really helpful. I am in the same boat - he says he's a big boy, but not when it comes to stopping bf! He got very upset at the suggestion today at the dentist that he'd have to stop feeding at night, so much so that he cried and said "then you can't come to my house anymore" Then I said, okay then after you have bf before bed we have to brush your teeth before you go to sleep - he agreed.

So no matter what I think I'll have to deal with some crying and trauma!

I warned ds about the night weaning some days before and try to make sure he has loads of cuddles throughout the day so he doesn't feel it's rejection, but I am sure that is how it feels to him which makes me really sad.

No one warns you how hard it will be to stop do they?

I stopped with both my children at 2.8 or 2.9. So they were a little younger than your ds but still old enough to make it clear they weren't that happy about the idea. I gave them a week's warning that we were stopping and then just stopped. They were upset when refused, but only for 2 or 3 days.

However mine were only having morning and evening feeds. When you refer to feeding at night, do you mean throughout the night or just bedtime? If you are feeding during the night I might stop that first, you have a good reason for it (teeth) that he understands.

Otherwise don't feel under pressure from other people. It will not damage him psychologically, and the risk to his teeth is easily managed by brushing them.

Thanks Alarka - I feel quite mean when I refuse him, but now I think we both have a good justification for stopping the night feeds (which are at bedtime and in the early morning, around 5am). It's comforting to know that the whinging will probably only last two or three days!