Newbie - BF @ 3 wks really struggling

[MrsH1979]

Hello Folks,

I'm new to all of this and just signed up to MN so this is my first thread... hoping for some advice as am really struggling.

Have been exclusively bf for 3 1/2 wks but really struggling... dd was 100% tongue tied hence early probs. That was sorted after 2 wks.. but still I'm struggling. Particularly on right side.. the latch just never seems right (slurping noises and lots of pain). Left side was good but that even now seems to be hurting.

It is making me really upset and in tears at least once a day during feeding. I dread the feed and am worried my 'mood' will pass on to my lo. But feel terribly guilty just thinking of giving up bf. I know logically that ff is not evil (me and my bro were ff) but feel great pressure to keep bf due to peer group / nct group all seem to be able to do it no problem. So I'm feeling like a failure as can't seem to grasp it. I've been to breast feeding clinics - which have been great and v supportive and helpful - but I can't seem to get it consistently right.

On top of that dd seems to have really bad wind so am stressing that she is in pain and I"m not winding her correctly... and there is no routine at all so I'm all over the place. Argh. I know I need to buck up and get out of this negative frame of mind but not sure how.

Has anyone got any advice? Are nipple shields any good? Is it poss to feed from my good side only and express on the other (haven't tried expressing yet).. should I go to ff?

Sorry for long first rant.. thanks for any support. x

Forgot to say - she is gaining weight really well which is the only positive bit!

Congratulations on bfing so long and overcoming tongue tie - you say that the other members in your cicle bf without problems but I bet they haven;t experienced the problems of tongue tie!

You have done very well to get where you are, and I'm sorry to hear it is still painful. Have you seen a bfing expert? Someone who can asses the latch and help you to improve the latch? If bfing is going reasonably well on the left side, then that is a good sign, and bfing on the other side will improve especially if you can get good help.

I don't know about the nipple shield - they are not usually advised but many women do use them.

I use nipple shields (my nipples are too flat) and they really do work. After a while with ds I managed without them. With dd (3 months) am still mostly using shields. Try them, if it reduces your pain it is worth a go.

Are slurping noises bad when bf ing? Didnt realise this.

For wind trapped in the stomach you can try anything containing simeticon which is suitable for young babies, and for air stuck lower down (farts) I find that a stomach massage works well. Massage clockwise with one or two fingers CLOCKWISE only around the tummy button. Do press quite firmly. All young babies suffer often from all kinds of wind so this is definitely not your fault for "not winding properly".

Does it still hurt as much if you feed her lying down on your side?

I logged on this morning to start a thread with a similar title. I also feel like a failure. I'm struggling with DD2, seem to remember struggling with DD1 so I'm hoping it will pass. She didn't have a tongue tie so I dont really have any reason for it. I've been to the breast feeding clinic and they said latch was fine and there is nothing they can tell me to help. I'm so sore on my right side I've called it bad boobie now, it seems she hates to feed on that side and fusses, cries and latches on and off which makes it even worse. I seem to be feeding every 20 minutes for about 5-10 minutes when she comes off and falls asleep then wakes up and starts crying for more. Every muscle in my shoulders arms and back ache where I'm tensing up so much at each feed and I feel like paracetamol is my best friend. Really getting me down, tirdness not helping. Sorry to hijack your thread but at least you know you're not alone. I'm a second time mum and still don't know how to do it!

hello mrsh, welcome to mn and congrats on your new baby!

I am no expert but there are quite a few around here so if you keep posting they should be able to help sort your problems out. Having said that i think with latch it might be best to get real life help. Have you tried la leche league or the nct for support. Between them and your baby cafe you could get try and your latch checked every day till you feel it's right. I think sorting the latch might help with the wind.

If you don't want to feed from the sore side do express from it to keep stimulating it's supply.

It is hard work to establish bf, especially what you have been through so far, but it does get much easier. If you decide to continue it will get much much easier. One day you will realise is is pain free and you and baby can do it without thinking. That's when all the gooey bondy stuff comes good.
But as you rightly say formula is not evil. You don't need to continue with bf if it isn't for you just to please others. They aren't having your experience. You have already given your lo a fantastic start in terrible (for you, not them) circumstances

sorry my phone went crazy and wouldn't let me type any more

I was going to say that while you are considering this decision please take the time to read around this board and look at some of the threads others have posted re bf and ff so you can make a more informed decision (and in particular can be aware of guidelines re prepping formula. Many health care professionals even are not up to date on these. Obv they are guidelines not laws but please read them and assess the risks for your self. You'll see what i mean when you read the threads. Apologies if you alread know all about this)

You have done a great thing so far and deserve to feel proud of coming this far, regardless off how you continue to feed.

MrsH and twinkley You are both doing a fab job, I wrote many, many threads like yours in the first 6 weeks. My rh boob was a mess with a big crack that bled, I cried repeatedly and felt very down. But here I am at 12 weeks and still bf my dd.

What kept me going?

• Talking REPEATEDLY with a BFC, going to drop ins lots. They will help both practically and psychologically, also talking to other mums helped.
• Talking to my frends/family who had simular problems
• Mumsnet!!!
• DVD boxsets - something to distract me and make me laugh

Also remember your hormones are going a little crazy at the moment, so repeated crying and feeling a bit rubbish is normal. However if you are worried about things talk to your MW or HV.

goodluck

twinkley how old is your dd2? Have you tried biological nurturing? (google or see other threads on here) it doesn't use "traditional" holds so may help with your shoulder can you express from the bad booby?

Oh to add I was told by bfc to avoid shields if you can but then I know that some people find them a life saver.

I stopped feeding off the right side for 1 day (in a vain attempt to heal cracks) - unfortunately this made things a lot worse as I got mastitus, so if you are going to do this make sre you express. In the end the only thing that healed my cracks were a good latch and jellonet.

Hello :)

I really struggled with this with DS3. One side was pain free, the other side agony (bringing tears to my eyes as he latched on)

I am lucky enough to have a friend who is BF support. She came out and noticed that I was holding DS3 differently when I fed him on each side. I was sitting on the sofa when I fed and when I fed on the painful side, I was holding him away from my body and slightly at an angle so each time (because my arm was not on the sofa arm) he latched on, he was pulling at the nipple (ouch!) It sounds daft but this problem was easily solved my my swapping sofa sides depending on which side I was feeding! Within a week it was much, much more comfortable!

So, I think what I'm saying is - it would be really good for you to have real-life breastfeeding support so that someone can look at your latch and hopefully give you some simple pointers that can ease your pain. Good luck :)

I could have posted this when ds was 3 wks. Now 10 wks and bf is so much easier. Not trying to sound smug, just give you hope if you want to carry on bf (reading posts like that really helped me carry on when I was struggling)

Am not an expert. Also had great advice but couldn't replicate at home and felt nct group all had no problems so I must be crap, crying etc. For me I found winding got a lot more successful when he could hold his head up a little, about 5/6 weeks. Also had one boob he didn't like but as he got bigger and opened his mouth more, he loves them both now!

Sorry no experience of nipple shields and expressing didn't work for me (time consuming when I could be sleeping and couldn't get as much as baby can). But I can say if you want to carry on bf, do it one day or even one feed at a time. Each one is an achievement.

congratulations MRS H and twinkely.

I had the same issue right from the start,my nipples were too flat,i got all the help but nothing helped,i got infection after infection but i was so full of guilt i refused to give up(wrong),my baby was hungry and crying,we were both crying ,ithe moment she would wake up i would start crying bcoz i knew what was coming,

one morning,my wonderful DH,oh God bless him,went to the shops,came back with formula,the baby was two weeks,fed the baby,and for the firs time she was not hungry and she slept,we never looked back,he brought a breast pump the same morning ,i started expressing,then feed the baby,it worked very well,it me i would express to get a little out,then the nipple will be pointed and it became rather nice to bf

DD is almost six months and she is not interested in the boobs anymore,everything you feel right now is normal,but like my DH said,its wonderful to have a happy mother and a happy child,if the mother is not happy and healthy,who is going to take care of the baby,formula hasn't harmed DD,she is lovely,and so healthy,i had to do something and my dd ONLY managed to latch on when i did it on my own,at home,relaxing,

you are doing a GREAT job,

What is it about the right hand side? Mine was a MESS for several weeks and I just cried when feeding off it. My DS has a possibility of a dairy allergy so formula isn't an option , so I had to keep going. By around 8 weeks I was so glad I did as it really did resolve itself. I used the rugby ball hold (where baby is tucked around your side) worked a bit better.

Another thing to consider would be cranial osteopathy. Many babies can't feed properly because of the way they've been delivered. EG forceps, CS or ventouse can damage some of the nerves needed for feeding well. In my case the delivery was really gentle, underwater, with baby in a great position but because I'd lost my waters the week before he'd been squashed quite badly. I found it to be extremely helpful both with getting him settled (it stopped his colic) and with getting him to feed better, too.

Note this is different to normal osteopathy - you need a registered CRANIAL osteopath, preferably one who specialises in treating babies.

I think this is treatable and will get better. You'll still be sore from the tongue tie so let's see if we can get past that healing process and go from there.

Finally, try calling 0300 330 0771, the NCT BF helpline. They can often come up with ideas and solutions which the health visitors, GPs and midwives don't know about as they train for several years just in BFing. It's free help. You can talk to them about any kind of feeding - they will give you advice about formula if you choose that route, too.

Oh and I don't believe for a minute that your peers/NCT group didn't have problems. It's very rare for people to not need some kind of help, even if it's only briefly, so no matter what they say I reckon they will have needed some guidance :)

Not to mention you've had a fortnight with a baby with tongue tie so that's totally different. She's got to learn from scratch, bless her.

Of course formula isn't evil. But you're doing brilliantly keeping going and I promise that it will get better, but you need to push for more help - keep asking for your feeds to be watched by someone who knows what they're doing - just a slight tweak here and there may do it. As you've been to NCT, find out who your local BF counsellor is - they may be able to come out and do this which would be best.

MoonFaceMama DD2 is also 3 weeks old. Perhaps this is normal as a few posts seem to be about 3wk olds. I did try biological nurturing a couple of weeks ago and fed that way for a whole day. Seemed to help with sore nipples, however the next day she was having none of it and went back to crying and fussing at the breast. At the moment the left side feeding is not too bad but right sided is very painful and she will only latch on in the rugby hold on that side. Will try to see if I am sitting differently as suggested by 3plusbump and try the biological nurturing again. I just wish it was easy and I could then leave the house! I thought 2nd time I would know what I was doing. BF clinics few and far between here, the next one is not until Thursday but I guess that is something to aim for.

"I thought 2nd time I would know what I was doing"

Ooooh yes.

I had a few problems with DS1, but with help we were fine by week 2 and went on to feed for 15 months. I thought that I knew how to breastfeed....

Oh and how I got angry at my body for not doing what I knew it could do...

It has done in the end but it has taken time. But I think you're right. Either it gets sorted by week 2, or if not by week 3 things have broken down badly and it becomes a crisis. But then the only way is up .

(I know, I know).

twinkley i think the frequency and falling asleep is normal yes. So that's probably good news and bad news right? but you should be able to feed in comfort. I think you too could do with some rl help. Please try the numbers and suggestions above. You don't need to be a member of the organisations. They just want to help and will probably come to you. You are doing so well to come this far esp with an older dc to care for. Please don't feel like a failure. You are doing a wonderful, but very challenging thing.

Thank you much for all the posts, it has really helped and given me that boost I needed.

I got a bf counsellor to come round for some live advice and turns out we have breast thrush. So I feel heartened that there is a reason for this pain!! So have medication and hopefully once sorted we will be ok. Am also going to try expressing tomorrow so daddy can give one feed to give me a break. And my mum is coming to stay for some moral support!

So feeling much more positive. Even bought myself some bf tops to spur myself on.

Congrats everyone who is struggling on, I def recommend seeing a bf counsellor... That and all the wonderful support on here has got me through another day of bf!

Thank you xxxxxx

I was just going to suggest hiring a bf counselor to come round.

Glad your feeling more up beat and everyone struggles at 3 weeks. Considering her tongue tie and your thrush, I think your pretty amazing.

I wondered if it might be thrush when I read your OP; glad you have seen a lovely BF counsellor and are receiving some help. As far as I know, it is perfectly ok to not feed from the bad side for a while to let it recover. You'll probably need to express from that side though to prevent engorgement and keep the supply up.

It is very hard work at first; you've already been through such a lot with the tongue-tie and now thrush. It's brilliant that you have got this far, lots of people would have stopped by now, I'm sure. It should start to improve, bit by bit, and I hope you'll get to that point that so many of us are lucky enough to have experienced; when BFing is not only straightforward but thoroughly enjoyable.

You mentioned routine in your OP. It's entirely up to you and people feel differently about this one; some people love to get a firm routine in place early on while others like to go with the flow. Generally speaking, it is harder to implement any kind of routine with a BF baby. I personally think your LO is far too young to be able to fit it into a routine. Your DD is still getting her head around just being in the world. Routine can wait; try not to worry about what others are doing/not doing with their babies. And try not to read any of those baby books that tell you what to do!

Above all, trust your instincts. As her mum, it is you who knows what's best for your DD.

Oh, and Congratulations!

This could have been my post at 4 weeks I can tell you I have struggled big time with breastfeeding. I had sore nipples that were cracked, bleeding with blisters on top. At 4 weeks, I can remember crying my heart out the whole way through a 6 am feed ( great for let down - not!) and when it was finished I got up to express cos i couldn't face another feed. Cried through that. Took an hr to get 3 ozs. I was so upset that my body wouldn't work. Like that everyone else seemd to be getting on fine so I thought it was just me. I spent that morning researching how to wean cos I just couldn't do it anymore but of course the next feed came and dd had to be fed and here I am still bfing 10 wks later. I can't say it's all 100% perfect bcos I too have thrush. It is SO sore. The afterpain can keep me awake an hr after a night feed and although the nipples have somewhat improved, the initial latch is an ouch moment. I have it deeprooted rather than external & it's a bugger to shift. Am hoping latest meds work. I know the die hards don't recommend nipple shields so I was trying to do everything the 'right' way and not use them. Well, I couldn't go on so I started using them yest and thank god I did. I'm now able to feed dd from right again (whAt is it Bout the right). She fussed a bit because of the shield but ten mins sucking there b4 moving to the right is at least stimulating my milk supply and saving me from expressing.

Just take it one feed at a time. Re the formula, I ended up in hospbfor 2 nights with no time to expressand dd dis fine on it. I went back to ebf when I got out and at least I know when it's time to wean she'll take the bottle no problem

And mrsH, you have done fantastic to get to 3 1/2 wks between the Tongue tie and thrush. V frustrating for you but well done for persevering. Although things still not perfect for me, I can tell you that bfing is SO handy for those middle of the night feeds! Very quick, no faffing and baby straight back to sleep. In those early weeks, you also feel like you are feeding ALL the time and that is normal!!!
Well done so far