Thinking of giving up bf. Please encourage me

[marzipananimal]

DS (first dc) is 2.5 weeks old. We had a very difficult first few days as he wouldn't open his mouth so we switched to formula. Then when my milk came in i decided to give bf another go, using nipple shields. I expressed a bit to build up supply and we weaned him off formula top ups. He has been ebf for the past week.

Have tried a few times to feed him without nipple shields and he is now capable of latching on properly but it feels like a wrestling match and he KEEPS coming off after less than a minute. I get exhausted relatching him. After about 10 mins of this we're both frustrated and tired out so I stop but then he's hungry again 10 mins later. The only way i can feed him in comfort is lying in bed, using a nipple shield. He'll feed for up to an hour this way.

I (mostly) quite like feeding him in bed, though it can get pretty boring but if i don't learn to feed him sitting up and without nipple shields then I'll never be able to go out.

The week before last i got mastitis (the infection kind rather than the blocked duct kind). It was hell for a couple of days til the antibiotics kicked in. This morning I have woken up with the other breast feeling sore (though I have no flu-like symptoms yet). I feel like I just can't take any more! He seems to feed mostly every hour in the daytime (though will go up to 5 hours at night - phew!). I feel like bf is making me depressed but giving up would make me probably even more depressed. It feels like a lose lose situation. I really don't want to ff but struggling so much with bf :(

On a more positive note, he's healthy and gaining weight well. I met my hv last week and she's also a bf counsellor. She was helpful but i feel like i need someone to help me with every feed.

Sorry this is long!

You've been through the works already :( Well done for struggling along so far - you're doing so much for your baby by giving him the best nutrition possible at this tiny young age.

Have you tried 'biological nurturing'? It is especially useful for babies who prefer to feed lying down, and should mean you can progress to sitting up at a pace that suits you both. Read this pdf for more info: www.biologicalnurturing.com/assets/articles/Colson%202007%20non%20prescriptive%20recipe%20for%20BF.pdf

I think in your situation I would be badgering the HV for support to sort the latch without nipple shields and for advice on preventing the mastitis.

Can't post much as MW due to arrive any minute but just wanted to say KEEP POSTING and well done for coming through so much already. You've really been through the mill, you poor thing.

I think firstly try not to pressure yourself re the feeding lying down thing - if it works, for now, then go with it - sitting up will get easier with time but for now lying down is OK. So much can change in a couple of weeks and you might find it's a whole lot easier then.

Keep encouraging him to feed from the sore breast if you can, phone out-of-hours if you start to feel fluey and bug the hell out of your HV because you need more support. I do think having come this far you can do this - but I can see that having been through such a crap time you must be near the end of your tether.

Will come back if I get a chance, in the meantime I am sure others will be able to help more. Well done you, and congratulations! :)

thanks for the replies and the link :)
I don't think he has a tongue tie - at least they said in the hopsital that he didn't. My boobs aren't particularly big but nipples do go a bit flat between feeds.
Hv was very nice but i don't feel like i can ask her for help all the time - I feel like I should be able to manage on my own. She's coming again on tuesday though so can talk to her about it then.

Please ask your hv for help again. That is what she is there for and i bet she would hate to think you hadn't. If she has gone to the trouble of training as a bfc you can bet she is passionate about helping women bf. If you really can't face it can you try the nct or le leche league?

Re lying down i second going with it for now. You can sort it out later once your supply is more established etc. My ds is 7m now and has been through all sorts of position preferences! Nothing is set in stone at your early stage.

You have had a really rough time so far. but i promise that once bf is well established it is so much easier than faffing around with ff. Don't be afraid to ask for all the help you need to get through this awefull bit. It's your right.

My HV told me about a new bf support group that is starting fairly near me on 1st october so I'll try and get along to that (if I make it til then).
My sore breast seems to have responded well to cabbage in bra and lots of feeding so hopefully it was a false alarm (fingers crossed). Nipple was getting sore earlier though even with shield on - feel like they just don't get enough of a break between feeds during the day

You're doing so well to have got this far! When ds was 2 weeks old I was really just taking it day by day, thinking to myself I'll do whatever I can to get to 6 weeks and if I want to give up then I'm done my bit. Almost without me noticing it's got easier and easier though, and now ds is 6 weeks I can really see myself getting to 6 months. FF seems like it would be the harder option now.

Do you have any lansinoh? I used it pre-emptively after every feed at first whether my nipples were sore or not, and it really helped when I was feeding almost constantly.

yeah i have some lansinoh although in this cold weather i'm having trouble squeezing it out of the tube!

Think I remember someone suggesting keeping it in the airing cupboard for that very reason.

Biological nurturing worked wonders for me and DS - every time we had a hiccup in the early days, I'd retire to bed and let him get on with it and he would end up having good, long contented feeds and I would feel so much better about it all - it helped me mentally as much as it helped his feeding and weight gain.

Lying down feeding is by far the nicest way in the early days - you can have a semi-doze while you are doing it. Once you and he get the hang of feeding you can practice sitting up. I did find that harder as I never felt I could get him at the right height - couldn't hold him but pillows were either too low or too high. That got easier as he got bigger and was better at supporting his own head etc.

You've been through a rough start - way rougher than my start, and I found it very tough for about the first 3 weeks, and then it started to get a bit easier. So it's understandable you're feeling like this while everything is still new, and while you've had a fight to feed this far.

Take it one feed at a time (too early to even think about taking it one day at a time :)) and place no expectations on yourself. Every feed makes a difference, and every feed helps you and him get better at it. And use all the help you can get - your HV is paid to help you, so don't ever feel bad about calling on her.

Good luck! (I speak as someone who is 41+0 with number 2, so is about to go through this all again and is trying to remember all the tricks I tried last time :))

I started using nipple shields as I thought they would protect my nipples from chafing etc. but they caused more problems than they solved. I ended up with blocked ducts as they put pressure on my boobs without me realising. For sore nipples I don't rate lansinoh at all although I'm sure it works for some. Boots nipple cream was my saviour in the early weeks and am still bf at 7.5 months now. It really does get easier and becomes such a doddle even the thought of making up formula seems a real faff. The best piece of advice I had was whenever you are close to giving up, say to yourself I'll just get through today then I'll give up tomorrow. Inevitably tomorrow is a better day and you keep going. Just take it a day at a time. Every feed you manage to get through is an extra bonus for your DC. You are doing brilliantly x

we're still going :)
Just been trying to relax about it a bit more rather than trying to 'make progress' so just been feeding him in bed.
Will prob have another go at it sitting up tomorrow when the hv comes and dh is working from home then so he can maybe learn from the hv how to help me latch

good on you! Great idea to get your dh to learn from hv.

life is so up and down at the moment. Earlier today I did a few feeds sitting up without nipple shields and was feeling great. Now both breasts are sore, not sure why, and ds won't stop crying/feeding. I just don't want to feed him again this evening :( I'm just fed up of being in pain.

oh dear marzipanimal. Did you manage to get the hv to look at your latch? Do you know if your hv is qualified as a breast feeding councillor? Most aren't and a bfc will have much better knowledge. Is the pain in the nipple or the breast?

Can you try feeding lying down again? Do you think you can get through tonight feeding him? Using the nipple shields? You have done so, so well so far.

Hi

I wanted to reply to you but I've only fed DS (7 months) so am far from an expert. However, I do remember that feeling of STILL being in pain after birth/stitches and everything else you'll have gone through.

I never had breast pain but my nipples were sore for 4-5 weeks. After that they were absolutely fine. Think DS and I both got better at latching and my body toughened up.

Your midwife is allowed to offer care up until your baby is 4 weeks (my v helpful Midwife told me this), so she may also be able to check your latch etc as an alternative to the HV.

yeah she said the latch looked good, and it wasn't painful (mostly anyway). She is a bfc. The pain is in the breast rather than the nipple. I did his last feed lying down with nipple shield and it was painful Wondering now about mastitis or thrush (please no!). My lovely midwife is coming tomorrow so will ask her advice.
DH has managed to keep him happy in the sling for a while so I've had a bit of a break and his next feed is due to be on the less painful side so I'm not feeling quite so desperate about it now. If he keeps fedding and it stays painful though I'm going to be very tempted to give him some formula :( It's so much harder to cope in the evening/night when I'm tired.
Thanks for replying :)

At 2.5 weeks, I didn't think I'd make it 3 weeks with BF. I used to spend hours everyday sobbing my eyes out. My son had lost 21% of his body weight when he was weighed at 10 days old and at 2.5 weeks we were supplementing and I had to pump and then there were the growth spurts and it was just hell. I really wanted to give up too. Even though I was really informed about breastfeeding and I was clear in my mind why I was doing it, I secretly wanted people to tell me it was OK to stop. All I wanted was the pain and the feeling of failure to stop. It's so very tough when you have a rough start, it really is and I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. You've done so amazingly well to keep going through all that you've been through. Although my son's problems were different, I do know that a baby who can't latch is really upsetting for new mums.

There is a massive growth spurt at 3 weeks and babies start their 'normal infant fussiness' as it's sometimes called. Also sometimes called The Witching Hour. He's probably crying and feeding non-stop because he's having a growth spurt and because he's 3 weeks old.

Whether you stop or not is up to you. I would say that if you're going to stop, do it on a good day where you're feeling OK. You're less likely to regret it that way.

Either way, the way you're feeling won't go on forever. The way you're feeling now won't continue - either the problem is going to get better or you're going to stop at some point. I know when I was in your position, I really couldn't envisage light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there, I promise you and if you want to keep trying, there are people who will try to help you.

I bought these pads that you can heat/cool but didn't use them.

www.boots.com/en/Oscar-dehn-Breast-Nurse-Two-Pack_703/

It says that if you have pain/mastitis you can heat them before a feed to aid milk flow and use them cool after to sooth pain/reduce inflammation.

I got mine in Sainsbury's, you can also order them on Amazon.

Maybe you could make a homemade version?

ok, well it's really good that you have the next feed oked in your mind iykwim. And i'm glad to hear your mw is there tomorrow. Hopefully she'll be able to put your mind at rest that the pain isn't anything untoward. You are doing a wonderfull thing. Hurts like hell, but is wonderfull of you. Sorry i don't have anything more usefull to say.

Hello again.
We had another good night (I love sleep :) :) )
We seem (touch wood) to be getting the hang of feeding from the right breast but the left breast is still rather painful and more difficult. Midwife said she thought the pain is probably caused by poor positioning/latch but said to go to GP if it gets worse or doesn't improve in case it's thrush or something.
Was wondering if it would work to feed mainly from the right side and express from the left for a while to see if pain goes away and to give me a bit of a break while we try and perfect feeding on the right. Any thoughts?
I think I'll call the hv again for help with latch on the left if I can't get out to a support group

You can feed exclusively from one breast, although you'll end up pretty lopsided very quickly! :)

Feeding from one breast for a days shouldn't cause too much of a problem if you're expressing too - as long as you're also working on getting the latch corrected. In the early days when I was having real problems both breasts ended up being the only one I used for a few days.

You can also phone the National Breastfeeding Helpline or the Breastfeeding Network. Depending on where you live the BfN may have someone who could come to you.

If you google for Jack Newman's website there are videos of latching that are quite useful too.

hi marzipanimal . Glad your right is feeling positive. One down one to go . I think, though i'm not am expert, that the plan of feeding from the good one, expressing from the other for a while while you have a break is a good idea. I found one side more painful than the other at first. I think the way i was sitting affected my posture and therefore the way i held ds. Could someone take a pic of you feeding from each side? You might find you hold your arms differently or something... Do get the hv to check. You're doing so well to keep on going.

How are things going? I hope you're feeling a bit better.