Is this normal for a 3 week bf baby?

[JJJ34]

I am exhausted after yet another night of my baby feeding every hour to half an hour. He generally goes down at about 7 and sleeps until tennish, after that it is a pattern of frequent feeding. He feeds loads during the daytime and only has a few short naps..

Mine did that one night exactly on 2wks old. I saw every hour and was exhausted! It was only one night though and his pattern sounds similar to yours normally is, except the last 2 nights he has gone 10.30-4am then 4.30am-6.30am. I now have much more energy! He is 4wks old.

I believe that the growth spurts they have mean they have to feed more frequently to build up supply [smie]

I am wondering whether it is for comfort rather than hunger as he only feeds for about 10 mins..

JJJ - it may well be for comfort. This isn't a bad thing. BF isn't just about nutrition. It's a bonding tool and nature's way of keeping mother and baby close in the early months.

How are you managing nighttimes? Do you co-sleep?
here are some 'safe cosleeping' guidlines If you aren't but would consider it. or maybe nap on your bed in the day if you can? he would probably sleep longer if you were in close contact and you get some rest too :)

3 weeks is still really tiny, and you're both still working out what's what. Good Luck.

I had the same problem.... frequent feeds (every 2 hours), takes ages to burp him then another half an hour before he was relaxed enough to be put back into bed. I almost forgot what it felt like to get real sleep!!!

Co sleeping solved out problem in the early weeks, I went from a zombie to a normal human being again. We still waked the same number of times but all I had to do was help him latch and then go back to sleep!! Was awesome! After 2 or 3 weeks he started to sleep better (I believe because he was sleeping next to me) and we are now only feeding twice a night, around midnight and then around 4.

My DS is now 8 weeks and we're slowly weaning him off it, we still half cosleep, he starts off in his own bed (next to ours), when he wakes he comes into our bed to feed then when he's finished and asleep (after about 45 mins to 1 hours) he goes back into his own bed. Works great! :)

I also make sure he has a really big feed around 9pm... both boobs is a must!!! :D

In the night he is sleeping in a moses basket right next to the bed. I could try c-sleeping but am worried it will cause more problems in the long term. The health visitor suggested that I leave him cry for a bit and not rush to pick him up when he starts moaning..

Personally i think three weeks is too young for what your hv has suggested. It this age your little one will barely realise he is out of the womb! He still wants the closeness, warmth and smell of you, as he is used to. If he gets this at the moment he will feel secure and in the long run will grow to be more independent in the knowledge you are always there if he needs you.

You can not "spoil" a baby at this age. They are not yet forming habits so don't worry about creating bad ones yet.

Give him all the cuddles and boob he needs. It will ensure your supply becomes well established and make sure your ds learns this world is as safe as the one he's just left.

It won't be for long. I remember around six weeks everything turning a corner. Hopefully the same will happen for you.

Your HV should not be advising this. Even the people who devised the CC techniques say that it if for older babies, I think its not recommended for babies under 9 months.

Your baby is crying because he needs you. You are his source of food and comfort and being with you is his best chance of survival.

Co-sleeping worked for us. DD just rolled on and off during the night and I barely stirred.

It will get better.

I don't think you should ever leave a newborn to cry to teach them something BUT at about 3 weeks I realised that my DS is just a very noisy sleeper - he grunts, groans, moans, whimpers and even cries out but is still sound asleep. Every time he made a sound I was reaching over to his cot, picking him up and feeding him, which was of course waking him up and then I'd spend ages settling him back to sleep after the feed. Once I started checking to see if he was awake before I picked him up we suddenly started going 3-4 hours between feeds in the night and he would go back to sleep much quicker afterwards. I think because I was waking him in the middle of a sleep cycle, rather than when he was waking himself and hungry, I was disrupting his sleep more.

Not saying this is necessarily your situation too (and 3 weeks was a bit of a growth spurt for us with ds feeding hourly in the day) but maybe that's what the HV meant, rather than some kind of cry it out method.

JJJ - 'a baby's wants and a baby's needs are the same thing. Meet the need and it goes away' - I have found this a really useful phrase to bear in mind. At 3 weeks you cannot spoil your baby.
Re: cosleeping casing more problems than it solves. From personal experience I found the reverse true. It depends how important a good nights sleep is to you set against possible 'problems' that might occur. You could compromise - put baby in moses basket at 7ish and then just bring him into bed whenever he wakes up and hopefully the sleep time will lengthen.
Also, what time do you go to bed. I used to find that going to bed at 8-9pm at least 2 nights a week helped. Not necessarily sleeping but laying in bed reading and resting. DO what you have to at the moment (it won't last forever ) to stay sane.
And lets not forget DH/DP. LLL do a really good info sheet called 'Dads are special' giving ideas on how to support you in your BF relationship and find other ways to bond with baby.

HTH a little.

Hi JJJ - could you tell us about his daytime feeding? How often is he feeding and for long each time? Does he seem happy? And how is his general health - is he putting on weight, poo-ing every day, lots of wet nappies?

I wouldn't hasten to label his behaviour as comfort-seeking at this point (although as other posters have said, comfort-seeking is healthy and normal). It could be that his latch is not as good as it could be, so he is having to work harder to get the milk he needs. That's not necessarily a disaster, I hasten to add - if he's healthy, the feeds should settle down by themselves - but you may be able to improve the latch.

Either way, it sounds like you need better support than the HV can provide. If she knew much about BF, she would be asking these questions herself! Could you find a local BF counsellor to support you face-to-face?

Second the advice on getting his latch checked, just in case.

I had ours (now 11 wks) in a carrycot by the bed to start with but he'd never settle back into it. I didn't want to co sleep as was worried about future problems but in the end decided to not worry about that - I needed to solve the problem I was having NOW! Co sleeping works brilliantly for us and he's gradually stopped the hourly feeds and now sleeps for 2-3 hours at a time. Night feeds are a case of getting him latched then I go back to sleep. I'm a different person.

I definately don't agree with letting him cry. It will lead to less sleep for you, stress you out and do your baby no good either. If he's mumbling and grumbling that's different - I wait with mine to see if he puts himself to sleep (in which case I ignore him) or whether he starts to get more insistant (in which case I feed him).

" The health visitor suggested that I leave him cry for a bit and not rush to pick him up when he starts moaning.."

Grrrr!!! Why are HVs so SHITE? Do they round them all up part way through training and take them off to some wierd cult where they are reprogrammed to think that babies crying is a GOOD thing? Grrrr again!!!

TBH your babe sounds totally normal. A pain in the arse, but totally normal. Whatever solution you use, you will be stuck with for some time to come. I coslept, and still do 2.9 years later. Having said that I've never seen cosleeping as a "problem". If it will be for you, you might be better not starting.

How is baby's weight gain? If he is doing well you could try a dummy to get back to sleep? Of course you could end up stuck with that too...

Good luck! Try not to go mental with the sleep deprivation. It will pass.

thanks everyone for your help! He is feeding constantly during the day - doesn't really nap well but has a nap of about an hour in the morning, then an hour - 2 hours at lunch then a short nap late afternoon. His weight gain is v good. He regained his birth weight in a week (having lost 10%) and is still gaining v well. I may try co-sleeping tonight. am going to bed early its just I have a 7 year old and feel like I'm neglecting him :o(

I meant :(

Actually those naps are pretty good really, IMO. I understand the feeling of neglecting your other child. DS2 was born just before the summer hols and poor DS1 was really pushed to the side while we navigated the horrors of the first few weeks. Now I give DS2 a good feed just after DS1 comes home from school, then I pass him to DH (who works from home) and spend an hour just with DS2, cook his dinner, and then feed DS2 again before putting DS1 to bed. If I can't get DS2 off me, DH puts DS1 to bed. That sharing of it means I do get one to one time with my older boy. He's ok with that. He's nearly 6 so like yours can understand what's going on and it will ease off in a few weeks for you.

Can your DH/DP see to your 7yo? It won't be for long. Hope things improve soon and the cosleeping helps.

yeah - I am going to bed at 7 most nights. Baby actually had a slightly better night last night - went from 7 - 11.45?! Then 1 - 4 and then from 4.30 - 6.00 and 6.20ish to 7. I actually got a few hours in so feeling mor ehuman today. I was prepared for co-sleeping but kept him to his moses basket after he fell asleep in my arms (I held him for about 5 mins to make sure he was asleep)

Thanks everyone for your help/advice - I've not been on mumsnet before - i'm glad i did now!

Organiccarrotcake - I also felt we have pushed my eldest to one side. also getting a bit fed up with in laws etc making a huge fuss of the baby and leaving him out...

P.s both the Hv and midwives have told me whenever they visit that they do not reccommend co-sleeping!

IME health professionals may often advise against co-sleeping because it's easier than explaining the official advice in full, which you can see for yourself here

The full advice goes something like "Co-sleeping helps with breastfeeding and is safe, so long as ..." (there follows a list of important conditions and things to be aware of). Some health professionals dislike this kind of advice because it's not black and white.

Take a look and make up your own mind, I say!

Funnily enough the midwives I had were all very pro-cosleeping, talked about safety. showed new mums on the postnatal ward the best position to sleep in, taught me to feed lying down etc. Then when we were home the HV came round and told me to never have the baby in my bed