Feeding in public

[HelenaCC]

Hi

Im a first time mum with a 2 week old boy. Hes big (9lb 9oz), quite strong, and VERY squirmy. I BF at home but I want to be able to get out and about but can only see that feeding in public is going to end up with me exposing my entire boob in costa coffee! Also this afternoon, friends visited but left in an uber-rush when they realised junior was getting fractious and needed a feed. I dont want to have to retire to my room at every feed when friends and family are round.

Looking for advice or support about transitioning to feeding in public with wriggling non-compliant children liable to come on and off the breast.

Hi

I found that pulling my top up exposed less boob than unbuttoning/pulling down. I wore maternity jeans initially that covered my tummy, or tied a cardigan around my waist.

If pulling top down some people tuck a muslin under their bra strap.

I made DP come with me to a quiet pub (!) and cafes so I could practise with his support. We would pick our seats carefully so I felt comfortable.
Also got him to hold a mirror so i could see how much a baby's head obscures.

It helps to meet up with other breastfeeding Mums in the beginning too as a safety in numbers thing.

I found the thought of public feeding REALLY daunting in the beginning but now feed anywhere and everywhere. I really would try to force yourself to keep practising because you'll want to get out and about soon and after each practise you'll feel more confident.

Oh and they all come off and on and attempt press ups in the early days!

Your son is only 2 weeks old.
Everything is very new for him and he will probably settle down in his feeding in the future.

Have you considered trying a feeding shawl so that he is covered during the feed.
I used to feed my DCs inside my sling and felt perfectly comfortable feeding in public, restaurants, in front of friends etc.

A trick I got from Mumsnet when my DS was very little is to wear a vest top underneath your normal top. When you feed your baby, pull the normal top up and the vest top down, then only about an inch of boob is showing anyway, which is covered by the babies head.

I don't like using shawls/muslins, as I think people around you are then very aware of what you are doing as it draws attention to it IYSWIM? Wheras with the two top method people watching usually don't even notice.

I agree with lemonbergamot, it is much easier to feed with a friend, or a a LLL meeting or Baby Cafe where you everyone else will be doing the same thing! Also a great way to meet people with similar age babies :)

Some good advice here. I just wanted to add that you are much more aware of what you are doing than those around you. Ime it goes virtually un noticed, bar the odd smile from another mum who recognises what you are doing. Good luck and congrats on your ds.

Start easy by finding a quiet corner in a cafe, (booths or sofas are quite good) most people don't notice a thing.

For me though bf in a sitting room with family watching was harder to get used to as they are either embarrassed or too eager (my mum tried to support her head , my dh's nan followed me to another room to watch), which is sweet but not what you want with a wriggly baby!

It gets loads easier to latch quickly, and I stopped worrying about onlookers after a while.

It is sometimes good to have an excuse to leave the room when family get a bit overbearing.....'oh I'll just go through there to feed for 5 minutes peace where there's less distractions'

I would wear a vest top tucked into your trousers, and another top over that. When you feed him you can pull up the outer top and pull down the vest, minimising boob exposure.

To give additional coverage, I would thread a muslin through the bra strap on the side I was feeding on, so that half of the muslin hangs on each side of your boob. If you spread the muslin slighly, when he moves you will be even more covered up.

My instinct is always to sit facing into the room but of course if you can have your back to the majority of the room this helps too!

I agree that mostly it goes unnoticed in any case.

Well done for BFing, I hope you can find a way that you feel comfortable to do it in public as IME this makes it much easier to stick with! And congrats on your DS :)

I recommend a feeding shawl - started using one after 4 weeks and while I wouldn't say it has changed my life, it's made it much easier to feed where I feel a bit out in the open. I've stopped trying to find combinations of clothes that will "work" for feeding in public as it covers everything and bonus, acts as a windbreak (muffin top was getting a little chilly on occasion). I'm using one made by bebe en lait (something like that) which was a ludicrous price in John Lewis but I'm sure you can shop around for a more reasonable one and in a more discreet fabric than they offer. It's a glorifed sheet with a bendy hoop at one end and ties which go around your neck like an apron. If you were a bit handy with a needle (and of course you have nothing better to be doing with a 2 week old) you could make one with a wire hanger and a half apron

Have you thought of going along to your local La Leche League, NCT or Baby Cafe for your first trip out? There will be other bfing Mums there and nobody will take a blind bit of notice.

Don't retreat to a room to bf, if others have a problem with you bfing its their problem and upto them to either put up with it or move.

When my DC were smaller I used to wear vest tops and a cardigan. I would pull up the vest top. You will still be covered by the cardi and the baby's head will hide your boob.

I've bf lots of times in public and never once had a negative comment. Most people will just think you are cuddling your baby anyway.

I agree with the vest top under the shirt method, you only need to expose a couple of inches of flesh and if you hold a muslin near your DS's head then you can quickly cover up if you need to.

I used to try putting a shawl over DD's head and she hated it and kept pulling it off so in the end I gave up, figuring that I wouldn't want to eat under a shawl either

I bf and wear a loose top and with a cardi. I just pull up the top on one side and have the cardi around. Nothing on show! If baby wriggles have a wider cardi to have around you. Look around you and you'll see that people aren't watching you.

This time around I discovered bfeeding camisoles (that are like a normal maternity bra with the clasps) with the fairly sheer top over them and they are fantastic. I wear them under tops and just unclasp and pull up my shirt and away we go. If not wearing one, I tend to wear a little jacket and a scarf and the mass of material disguises everything without being as obvious (and annoying) as a blanket over your shoulder.
We are way past the newborn stage and at the "I need to check out every noise and expose my mother to all and sundry" stage - but she is DD2 so I really don't have any shame anymore (about my nipples, anyway - it's the tummy flab I like to make sure is covered!)

All suggestions good... also on a different note, where I live Costa employees are incredibly supportive of babies and breastfeeding on the premises. It's my new favourite chain cafe (together with Nero's). I usually go there on the slightly offpeak hour (like three o'clock in the afternoon) because then I can pick my seat and ensure I can sit somewhere with no armrests on the chair. This is necessary because my wriggly six-week-old tends to push against the armrest with her legs, therefore coming off the boob, exposing it and, more often than not, spraying milk everywhere.

Also agree with covering up the baby just draws attention to what you are doing. It will also make the baby hot and stop you looking at your beautiful LO.

loads of handy suggestions here thank you for your support guys! Im on to the vest under top idea, and the muslim thru the bra strap (handy for wiping up milky overflow). Still findng the practice practice idea a bit daunting but got to start somewhere!

Helena please post pics of how you would go about tucking a muslim through your bra strap - they may object!

i have loads of these

www.mothercare.com/M2b-Nursing-Vest-Grey-Marl/dp/B002HE3G4E/sr=1-2/qid=1284664658/ref=sr_1_2/276-8964087-0789612?_encoding=UTF8&m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&n=42792041&mcb=core

you can get them in different colours and they are great. just a little clasp (like you have on nursing bras) allows you to bring down a little flap that exposes just enough boob for you to feed, but no more. i bf all over the place and it feels very discreet.

i must admit this is dd2 for me too, and i really couldn't care less any more. with dd1 when i first started bfing in public, i felt so self-conscious it was awful. but you quickly realise most people don't know or care what you are doing. those who make an issue of it or get embarrassed are just odd