Love breastfeeding but feeling a little hard done by

[MumOfEmily]

I've ebf my 10 month old dd and still going strong, with no intention of stopping anytime soon. I'd like to let her self wean ideally.

My only niggle is that I feel like I'm starting to get left out of stuff because of my need to be with dd most of the time. I'm the only one left in my group of NCT mums still bf and have had to say no to several evening meals out with them now. Trouble is, my dd still might wake up in the evening for a feed so I can't really leave her. I always just go and feed her back to sleep, as this is so easy to do. I'm starting to feel a bit jealous of their freedom to leave their babies for a night out/day etc, and a bit pathetic for always having to say no. I'd quite like to go out for a swim in the evening occasionally too and would love the opportunity to do something by myself for a while.

Don't get me wrong - I love bf my dd and will always put her first above all else. My dh is very supportive of me bf but thinks we should be a bit tougher at night and try and nightwean her, so I can be assured of an evening out occasionally. Even when we're at home in the evening, I'm just waiting for her to wake up for a feed and so feel like I can never really relax.

Am I just being selfish or does anyone else ever feel like this? How do you find the right balance between your baby's needs and your own wish to have some "me" time? I feel like I have lost myself somewhere along the way...

Muddleduck's point makes me think back to my own breastfeeding days. While I am very glad that I did breastfeed dd for nearly a year and spent a lot of time with her, I also think we all benefited from the fact that there were times when I was away and Daddy was what they had. It has made him more confident as a parent and it has made them rely more on him, which is good for the relationship. Yes, no doubt there were times when they wouldn't settle for him- but quite frankly there were times when they wouldn't settle for me either, and on those occasions nobody suggested that was because I shouldn't be in charge. I felt I had to let him learn by trial and error and go through rought times, exactly as I learnt by trial and error and went through rough times.

So I think the occasional night out can actually be quite good. You don't have to overdo it as I did and go for 4 night work trips abroad leaving a freezer full of breastmilk (though they both survived).

cory, totally agree with what you are saying. I think us mums do have a tendency to think that we can deal with things better! Dad's deserve a chance too.

mumofemily, it is quite common for breastfed babies to not feed as long from a bottle (there are exceptions of course). When I was recently at work for a keep in touch day my DD only drank 14oz of expressed milk throughout the day. I spoke to bf councillor and she said this was actually quite alot! So I wouldn't worry about this too much.

If your worried about going out at bedtime, why don't you give a weekend day a go (or any other day when your partner is off)? Maybe a trip to the shops for a coiple of hours or even lunch with friends? That way your DD will get used to spending time with her dad on her own and you won't get stressed out about her being in bed etc? You'll feel great wondering around yourself, but also very strange - I still listen out to every crying baby and think its mine!

Not sure if formula fed babies fall asleep at the bottle, but on the occasions when my DD has been given a bottle of expressed milk before bedtime she has always fallen asleep with the bottle in her mouth!