12 week old feeding routine - reassurance needed!

[PutTheKettleOn]

My DD2 is 12 weeks and still feeding about every 1-2 hours during the day, unless she's asleep in the pushchair or car, when she'll go 3 hours without a feed. At night she'll sleep for 5 hours from 10-3 ish, but then I bring her into bed with me and she'll feed on and off all night. In fact last night I realised she was clearly using me as a dummy, as she woke up, I popped my boob back in her mouth and she fell asleep again without even a mouthful of milk!

She seems pretty happy with this arrangement, but I am just exhausted. I have a 2.5 yo as well who always gets short-changed or stuck in front of the telly cos I'm feeding and too knackered to deal with her. I've got housework mounting up around my ears, I look a mess and it's all getting a bit much. I've only managed to express twice as I never find the time apart from after 10 when she's gone to sleep, and both times I only got 1oz, not enough for a full feed anyway so I've frozen it for now.

At times I've considered introducing the odd bottle of formula but I can't bring myself to do it, plus DD1 started refusing the breast once I gave her a bottle as well so I'm scared of the same thing happening.

I guess I just want someone to say this is normal and it will get easier?! I love breastfeeding and am proud I've managed to do it this time, but it's so darn draining at times I have to remind myself 'just three more months...'

Oh my love......it's like I'm reading about myself. I really fell for you. From around 3 days old, my DS1 feed every 1-2 hours day & night. He would occasionally go 3 hours but not very often. I couldn't express either & I found it so draining but so rewarding.I used to sit on the end of the bed in the middle of the night feeding him whilst in floods of tears as I was so tired but,I couldn't bring myself to give a bottle either & never did. My DS1 is now 7.5 months & still loves BF to the point that I can't get him to take a bottle or beaker. I'm going back to work in 8 weeks but intend to BF until 1 year so he needs to take it.

My DS1 was also using me as a dummy. Although we didn't want to do it, we introduced a dummy. We tried the dentist approved flat ones but he wouldn't take them so we had the Tommee Tippee Cherry dummies.This worked until he found his thumb. Now he's an avid thumb sucker & won't even look at a dummy.

For his night time feeds, I took to feeding him lying down with my arms around him & his head resting on my elbow joint. This enables me to fall asleep too. Never on purpose but with the lack of sleep, it happens. Because I have my arm wrapped round him, I don't roll onto him & he doesn't fall out of the bed.

I would say, don't worry about the house work for the moment. It ain't going anywhere & will be there when you are ready. Your main priority are your babies. Maybe your husband/partner could do some housework to help you out. Rememeber....you can't do everything.

thank you, I'm glad it's not just me... sometimes I feel like a bit of a freak because my baby isn't going 3-4 hours between feeds like everyone else I seem to know (unless they're all big fat liars...)

DH does pull his weight with the housework but he's out of the house 7-7 and I'm on my own with the kids so it just seems endless at the moment. Sometimes I'm sure he thinks I've just been sat on my arse all day (which admittedly I often have, but only cos I've been feeding!)

Anyway, things are looking up, DD2 asleep in the sling and I've managed to cook dinner for once, hurrah!

They are all big fat liars.

I remember this, though don't have an older dc. Hope it gets easier soon.

I know how you feel. My DD2 is now 14 weeks. She was sleeping quite well at night (waking once around 3-4 and then sleeping until at least 6.30), but that has all changed since her 12 week jabs. She's now waking 3 times during the night and isn't going back to sleep when she wakes at 6.30!

She's feeing every 1-2 hours during the day as well.

My DD1 has just started at pre-school, so I now have to get out of the house by 8.30 instead of getting her some breakfast and turning the telly on and going back to bed - bad mother I know, but I need some sleep!

I'm really tempted to get my DH to give her a dream feed, either expressed milk or formula (I haven't managed to express more than 2oz), but am worried that will harm my supply the rest of the day.

It is only temporary and they do grow so quickly, but it's hard to remember that, especially in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep.

How about actually getting up to fed in the night to make sure its a proper feed, changing nappy halfway if she's falling asleep etc and then hopefully she'll go back to sleep for another 3 hours?

i know how you feel too. my ds3 is nearly 4 months and still feeding frequently.

he was doing 5 hour stretches some nights but that hasn't happened for a bit! he feeds about every 1-2 hours, 2-3 at night.

i have a ds1, 4.5yrs just started school and ds2, 2.5yrs. they both fed v frequently too. this time seems to be better as my expectations are lower! ie, my babies will never feed 4hourly, ds2 was feeding 2hourly in the day at 1 yr.

my tips for survival:
-co-sleep (the best thing helping me)
-tv/dvd for your dd1. you can wean her off it later
-a sling so you can play with dd1, or potter around
-try and lie down in the day if you are tired - even if you can't sleep, we play games like pretend to put mummy to bed and it is good to be horizontal.
-lower your standards around the house!

• i have employed a mothers help a couple of times a week to help with bathtime. quite cheap and well worth it!

-go to bed early -ocado shopping

• forget expressing
• encourage thumb sucking/a lovie? i am working on this one!

good luck, it will get better, well done for getting this far.

just had a lecture from my neighbour along the lines of 'when are you going to start topping up, don't you think she's a bit small, is it that you feel you'll have failed if you give her a bottle...' all with the best of intentions but i just want to shout 'fuck off!!'

People talk about the pressure to BF but i feel like i'm under constant pressure to justify my decision not to top up with formula. Yes it's hard but as long as she's happy and the HV tells me her weight is ok I'll carry on for as long as i can.

Phew, rant over!

Liloosmum i've had the same thought about a dreamfeed but like you i'm worried it will harm my supply.

mumnwlondon, i've thought about that, but i really need my sleep and at least co-sleeping i can sleep and feed.

weasle, thanks for the tips, i am trying to encourage thumb sucking at the mo. like the idea of the put mummy to bed game!

There's a big growth spurt at 3 months (and again at 4 months, 6 months and 9 months for most babies) which is probably not helping, but otherwise what you're describing is fairly normal (unfortunately).

Other than that, weasle's tips are a winner :) Breastfeeding does get easier the longer you go on - we're at 10mo and couldn't do without it now. :)

I feel so reassured to read this thread. My dd, 9 weeks, feedin every 1-2 hrs (more 1 than 2) during day. I asked other bf mum what her dd was doing & she said feedin 3-4 durin day.aggh seriously thought there was something wrong wth me & maybe I was overfeeding.At night, Dd sleeps for 4 hr stretch, 3 hr stretch & 1/2 hr stretch so by all accounts we're not doing too bad. We had one six hr stretch a few wks ago but that was complete fluke. I don't know how u ladies do it wth toddlers.... Hats off !

My 12 week old DS sounds similiar. At night he'll go for 4 to 5.5 hrs and then another 3 to 2, and 3 times he's done over 6 (didn't last, I was devastated). During the day he feeds a lot in morning and evening. I mean a LOT, and will go for 3 hrs or so in the middle of the day, but his feeds take a long time, so that's the trade off.
Its impossible to make them do what they don't want to do (sleep longer - haha! Even go to sleep during the day), I have decided that I have to just roll with it.

My 12 week old DD is the same 1.5-2hrs in the day and anywhere from 2-4hrs at night!

All friends bf babies went at least 3hrs from few weeks old!

She loves to have 'sleepy feeds' when tired which start as a feed then she finishes by using me as a dummy, wont take an actual dummy though.

If I try to give her a bottle she will only drink 1 ounce even if its my milk, then she pushes the teat out with her tounge and wants me!

Got a DS who is 3.5yrs and its a nightmare feeding her so much, especially when have to take him and pick up from preschool! x

My dd is 12 weeks today, she feeds 2 hours in the morning & day but come 4pm it's everyhour till bed time at 8. She was then going till 5ish but this seems to have gone out of the window the last couple of nights with 2 wake ups :(

Glad to see we are 'normal'

Summerhols, how did you get your dc to go to bed at 8? Mine goes down anytime between 10 & midnight.I would love her to go earlier.

me too mrstimeout - on the plus side she normally sleeps until 10am, but would rather it was all shifted forward slightly! She wakes about three times in that perios.

could have written exactly same post when mine was 12 weeks. At 6 months, we're still at every 2-3 hours throughout day and night. So longer daytime got compensated by decreased night.

it's amazing this actually seems quite normal, when all the books i read/general opinion seems to be that they should be able to go at least 3 hours by this age. So glad it's not just me!

On the plus side I spoke to the HV who said it was all completely normal at this age and to continue feeding on demand.

Haggisfish, my dd the same. Will go down at 11 and wake 3 times but not get up til 11 r 12. Means I get loads done in the morning but back at work in 4 wks when she' ll b 13 wks so wil b needing her to go from 7-7 instead of 11-11. I just don't know how to do that but am sure it will have to be gradual.