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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

I hate breastfeeding....

40 replies

Zimm · 06/09/2010 12:44

Need to rant....I HATE breastfeeding. My DD is 4 weeks old and it feels like all I have done for four weeks is sit on the sofa with my breasts out.I'm sick of the sight of them. I have no freedom from 5-10 every night when she cluster feeds and again from 5am until 11am most days, plus all the feeds in between. I can't get comfortable doing it and require a full complement of pillows to get her to have a decent latch. It dominates our relationship - I feel I spend so much time feeding her and being in pain I have no space left to love and enjoy her. I'm sick of daytime telly and eating with one hand or not at all. I need to sleep.....

I prefer changing nappies to breastfeeding!

I know it will get easier - I can't bear to fail at anything otherwise I would have quit days ago....

If anyone else feels this way please add your rant!

OP posts:
fernie3 · 07/09/2010 01:53

I wouldnt say I hate it but it is more time consuming that formula feeding. the dyas are fine I feed her every two (she wont go longer) so I know thar I need to set aside time every two hours to feed her. Nights are awful she feeds wonderfully but then is awake now for example she has been awake for nearly 2 hours and no sign of sleep yet (cant even put her down) if her eyes were any wider they woudl fall out - it makes me want to scream!

fernie3 · 07/09/2010 01:53

oh shes 5 weeks

fernie3 · 07/09/2010 02:02

oo forgot to say what happens if you just feed her as you are doing something else rather than sitting with pillows etc, today for example I had to feed my 18 month old as well so fed her in one arm at the table, she has alos been fed whilst hoovering and cooking in the sling,she doesnt seem to care. Also someone linked to this site on here and it helped me really relax about positioning here properly which has helped the feeding feel like less of a hassle
www.biologicalnurturing.com/

Zimm · 07/09/2010 08:07

Wow so many responses, thanks so much everyone I feel much less alone and like I have betrayed the sisterhood! :-)

I really want to crack the feeding whilst doing something else thing -off to a Bf clinic tomorrow so maybe they can help.

I know I don'y have to do it - but it is best for my baby so i will do it. Replacement steriliser just arrived so I can begin expressing again if DD ever gives me an hour to do so :-0

What frustrates me is I did an ante natal BF course with the NCT and they never mentioned any of the problems...just banged on about feelings for 2 hours, so it has been a big shock! Right DD is hungry again - will check back later x

OP posts:
harverina · 07/09/2010 13:56

No one ever seems to be told the difficulties with breastfeeding. Had I been told about cluster feeding and growth spurts I might have felt more prepared mentally. Plus I wouldn't have panicked about my supply etc had I known about this too. The nhs has a long way to go in educating people about the realities of breastfeeding. Re. The steriliser, my health visitor told me recently that guidelines have changed and if you are feeding expressed breast milk you do not have to sterilise bottles. A thorough clean with hot soapy water and a good rinse is apparantly enough. I still use my steriliser but I suppose thats just me being over protective!

mtbmum · 07/09/2010 18:24

Just at early stages with 5 day old baby so useful to read all of this! I am struggling with BF but will persevere for a while - but I don't intend to make my life a misery - I want to enjoy DD as she's the only one I'm likely to have. I have to say I hate the pressure of it all. Going to try expressing anyway.

SkiHorseWonAWean · 07/09/2010 18:42

Help seems to extend as far as "get a lactation consultant in to help you with the latch/position/alignment of the moon". Hmm So many more problems than latch.

anonMum2 · 08/09/2010 21:28

Sorry.. asking a relevant question in this thread, hope OP doesn't mind. Quite a few advise here says to express and give it to baby in a bottle. Very interested in that as my failure last time was mainly due to Blush nipple issues so this may be my only option this time, especially before I start bleeding so badly I can't express, last time, I expressed with a manual breastpump and just got blood out with barely any milk, when baby sucked his whole mouth was filled with blood too.

Those who express a lot or exclusively express(is there such a thing?), do you have to invest in a really good quality pump? If so, which one? Do you have to express in advance in anticipation of baby wanting milk, e.g. every 1.75 hours or so? Any other tips? Stupid questions I know, but I failed miserably last time and don't really want that to happen again if possible.

KtTup · 09/09/2010 20:09

anonMum2 - I have exclusively expressed since my DS was 1 week old, he is now 9 weeks old.

He had major latching on issues, :( the hospital was hopeless in its support (20 different health care professionals all with a different idea as to why it wasn't working Angry ) and I was hand expressing every feed having tried every time to bf first.

When I finally took the decision off the MW and announced I was going to express every feed and leave bf to others, I felt both enourmously guilty (letting down the sisterhood, going against all the propaganda which says bf or die... etc) and hugely liberated! Confused My DS started to regain his birth weight in front of my eyes, began to sleep for 3 hours between feeds, and looked contented. :)

When I came home - DS was one week old - DH bought me a breast pump and bottles. I have a Medela Swing (quiet and unobtrusive) and 6 150ml bottles. As I produce enough milk (and it increases using a pump) I express when I get up around 6.30am, then around 11am, 3pm, 7pm and 10.30pm. I put each bottle in the fridge (top shelf is coldest) and cos I was expressing more than he drank in the first weeks I built up a stock of milk. So my current practise is when we get up DH puts milk from the 'store' into a feedbottle and warms it up for the first feed, and also gets the next feed into a second feed bottle and leaves it on the kitchen worktop (it's good for 5-6hours). So after that, when we fetch the feed bottle that's been out ready, we also get the next feed out of the fridge to come to room temp. This system means if DS wants feeding earlier than I expected he always has a feed ready for him! It also means I can grab feed bottles from the fridge to go in his change bag when I go out and about, and they are good for up to 6 hours.

I hope this helps - having said all that, I am now taking the next hard decision which is to switch to formula (waits for gasps of horror from everyone... Shock )

I didn't enjoy the failure of breastfeeding, and so for DS sake I exclusively expressed. Now after 9 weeks I am admitting that I loathe expressing. I have given DS the best start by giving him my milk, but there is no dignity in being attached to a machine 4-5 times a day, I resent the time it takes (40 minutes each time), and it limits life in that everything revolves around what time I need to go off and express. If someone calls round, or comes early, or comes late, it totally throws my expressing. If I've gone out somewhere there's one eye on the clock to get back in order to express. If people are staying with us, or we go overnight somewhere, there is always the problem of disappearing off in private for great chunks of time... well, the list goes on. And it's not always very comfortable, there's a risk of splitting nipples if you're hurrying it along. So I'm introducing a ff to replace an ebm feed each day from today, so that he's on formula by this time next week. Now all I have to do is reduce the expressing down without being in pain and risking mastitis (any tips people?)

choceyes · 09/09/2010 20:34

You need a hospital grade double pump if you intend to exclusively feed expressed milk. I hired one for my DS from the NCT (a Medela Symphony) and i expressed milk for him till I went back to work when he was 11 months (he just would not latch on). So it can be done. it was hard at first, but I it got much easier after about 3 months when you have to express fewer times during the day. After he was about 6 months, I remeber I only expressed morning and night. And I always expressed more than he needed, so never suplemented with formula.

I've now got DD who is 4wks old and BF is going better than I ever thought it would. DD seems to be a good feeder and I did get sore nipples in the first couple of weeks but now it's fine!

HelenaCC · 09/09/2010 21:57

I hate that the books show compliant babies dutifully prforming "tummy to mummy" and " nose to nipple" rather than squirming, screaming the house down and chomping barracuda like at the nipple or turning head sideways at last minute and then getting angrier that he is hungry (this is after looking out for early feeding queues!).

As someone who sat here and cried today (hormones I guess) about how badly BFing my 1 week old ds is going, I have found this thread hugely heartening.

I would agree with the comments about how unprepared we are for BFing. NHS and NCT et al so concerned to promote BF you get left with no information about how it hurts, is dfifficult to establish, and is variable depending on the personality of your child. It would have been good to be forewarned, would not have stopped me from trying.

Good luck OP - youve got 3 weeks on me... and I too think changing nappies preferable to breastfeeding!

TheOldestCat · 09/09/2010 22:06

I hated it in the early days too, with both DD and DS. I cried in pain at every feed, had thrush, blocked ducts, milk blisters, mastitis....fun fun fun.

Absolutely LOVE it now (fed DD for 18 months and the feeding is going strong for 6-month-old DS). It doesn't hurt, it's so much quicker and easier than it was.

I agree that it's mismanaged expectations that are to blame for many of these issues - I had no idea about cluster feeding etc and felt under pressure because my babies did not start going 3-4 hours between feeds, as everyone seemed to expect them to do.

So, yes, I'm another saying 'it will (probably) get easier'. But that's just my experience (and lots of others, according to this thread).

Hope things get better soon for those of you finding it tough.

Zimm · 10/09/2010 09:02

HelenaCC - glad you found the thread helpful. My DD wriggles often too - so frustrating! I have found thing shave got easier week by week and hope not to hate it one day! I cry with frustration most days too, usually when DD has been cluster feeding from 6-9pm and I'm hungry....personally I will be writing to the NCT to give them my views about the woeful state of their ante-natal BF education.

OP posts:
barkfox · 10/09/2010 10:03

Zimm and The OldestCat - interestingly, this cropped up at the BF group I go to (the question of how good/realistic/practical the advance info about breastfeeding was for everyone).

Everyone apart from me had done NCT, and were actually quite angry about what they had been told. Apparently the emphasis was very much 'if it hurts, you're doing it wrong', whereas for all the women there, it seemed to hurt initially when they were doing it right, and they were very much of the mind that some pain early on was a normal part of the experience.

(I kept quiet at this point, as I never had any pain - so far, anyway - I was in a minority of one, though).

They were also critical about how the emphasis on BF-ing being 'natural' made them feel bad when they had difficulties. There's an implication that 'natural' means 'easy', rather than just 'biologically normal' - so when it wasn't easy, they were very worried there was something wrong with them or their babies. Which is very sad, and we all had example of friends who had given up in the 1st few weeks because they thought it was just them 'doing it wrong', and formula was a safer option.

I talked about NHS and MW/Health Visitor advice and encouragement, as I had no NCT experience, and how I felt it wasn't adequate preparation. The whole '9-12 feeds a day' and 'will feed every 2-3 hours' guidance just isn't enough, along with the total lack of info about HOW new babies mostly feed (i.e NOT like older babies, who are more efficient, have bigger tummies, and who are more settled in a a supply and demand situation) - cluster feeding etc.

(I should qualify this by saying that my fab MW did respond to all my questions after birth about BF-ing in a very realistic non-wafty way. Which was a HUGE HELP.)

I also said the whole issue of 'bonding' being promoted as part of the BF experience was very simplistically presented. Again - we'd all felt frustrated at various points, and it's pretty awful having a miserable day BF-ing anyway, without wondering why you are a monster of a parent for not feeling 'bonded', but resentful and overwhelmed instead.

Interestingly, both Health Visitors said as they were trying to encourage women to BF, they were told to emphasise the positive aspects, and thought if they told women it might well be painful to start with, then they just wouldn't do it.

This is a tricky one, IMO. Personally I think painting too rosy a picture backfires badly. If we think we are having a uniquely awful experience, we are surely more likely to give up? And I do see their point about putting women off, I really do... but given the HUGELY steep drop off in women BF-ing in the 1st few weeks after birth, I think realistic guidance and info so we know more about what to expect is a big issue.

I said I felt it was more like learning to drive than anything else. You start off and it all feels alien and so hard and you can't imagine how you'll ever be able to do it competently - and then if you keep at it, it gets better and easier, and at some point, you find you can just do it.

I keep saying I need to start a thread about this (expectations and reality of BF-ing) - DS just started whimpering, need to feed him, I will try later!

driedapricots · 11/09/2010 22:38

i'm not a fan either. hate being utterly responsible, the cluster and night feeds, positioning and clothes..but most of all hate the feeling as milk comes in, actually makes me a bit queezy! i keep thinking i'll stop next week but somehow can't be bothered to stop either...seems to be the better of 2 evils...

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