exhausted and fed up - 26 month old and a 3 week old bf woes

[becs1973]

Didnt' even know what to title this threat or in fact where to put it, it's just going to be a moan with a few questions here and there so please excuse the rant.
I'm just SO bloody tired I can't think or see straight at the moment. I have a 27 month old DS1 and a 3 week old DS2. I struggled bf DS1 and finally gave up at 5 months.
DS2 started well but we seem to have hit the same problems and I just can't see the wood for the trees at the moment and thinking of giving up even though i don't want to.
DS2 barely slept last night, he finally settled for a while from 3-4.20am but other than that he was up and fussing at my breast all night. I'm not sure what the issue is, he latches on well but then after a few gulps (and he has to gulp because when my milk lets down it sprays all over him....) he starts crying and fussing and bobbing on and off the breast, or tugging at my nipples which is so sore.
I keep thinking he needs burping so try to wind him but then he goes ballistic at being taken away from my nipple and we live in a flat and DS1 then wakes sobs his heart out whenever DS2 is crying.
Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhh, I'm just so tired and fed up with it. I co sleep with DS2 so we try to get as much sleep as possible he just seems to have real wind issues or maybe it's something else, does anyone have any ideas?
Also please tell me tales of how to cope with 2, as at the moment I'm REALLY struggling to deal with them both :-(

OK, I think you need to get some sleep as a first priority. DS2 must sleep sometimes so you sleep then - which means palming your toddler off on someone else. Is there someone who can help you with your toddler? Do you have a partner? My DH used to give our baby a bottle of formula during the night, I just couldn't cope with the lack of sleep (I was 41 by then and recovering from a c-section). My DD2 was very fussy like your baby. It took a while for her to get the hang of it with loads of crying. My DH would hear the crying and tell me to give up b'fding. If I had had another child crying too I would have lost my mind. I think you are doing very well. Breastfeeding isn't compulsory, if you cannot manage you have a choice to continue. I know I will get assassinated for this but you could give formula during the night, or better still get your DH to do that, we did and it was fine. My milk did not dry up!

Poor you. No real answer to your troubles, but a few thoughts.

Could you express a bit before feed then latch him on once the initial let down has subsided.

Have you tried just giving one breast at a time - if he is only having foremilk he will not be getting the more satisfying hindmilk.

Perhaps you could try a nipple shield - my DD was very fussy and a nipple shield worked well. She latched and stayed there, thus avoiding gulping in air with all of the follow on painful wind issues.

Have you had your latch checked? Has the baby been checked for tongue tie?

No real helps but maybe some ideas to investigate.

I respectfully disagree with some of your post nomedoit.

It sounds like supply is the least of the OP's worries, I think expressing is a much better option than formula. Then a bottle can be given at night as you suggest to allow the OP to catch up on some sleep.

Just my two penneth.

Not a problem. I only suggested formula as she sounds so exhausted and miserable that expressing (it took me forever) might seem another task too far. I used the nipple shield also very successfully but we had a devil of a job getting DD to give it up.

Sorry I can't help but I'm lurking around for answers. DD is 21 months and DS is 4 days. I have had 15 minutes sleep tonight, maybe half hour last night. Daytime I am stupidly being pressured into seeing visitors when I should be sleeping.

No real answers here either but lots of sympathy. DD1 is 2 in a few weeks time and DD2 is weeks old tomorrow. DD2 is mixed fed and most of the time the breast feeds are ok but in the past 24 hours it's been getting really uncomfortable. I'm putting it down to her being 6 weeks old and upping her feeds due to a growth spurt. But, who knows!

FWIW I was up 12.30-2.30 with DD1 (molar troubles) and as soon as she got to sleep - well, cried herself to sleep, DD2 woke up to feed and took over an hour and then til gone 4am to settle. DH's alarm went off at 6.30am Total sleep about 4 hours in 2 bits. Great!

To get through the day and not fall apart my tactic is to get out the house and buy coffee. DD1 likes a cake in a shop so she's happy and the coffee is probably only a temporary fix but enough to keep me going in the lull of mid morning.

My solution, and I'll probably be flamed for it is lots of Peppa Pig dvd's (DD1 is a huge fan) and it gives me time to feed DD2 without DD1 feeling she is being hard done by.

If you figure out how to get 2 bathed and into bed on your own without a mental breakdown please tell me as that is proving the worst bit. I cannot rely on DH as he is a London commuter so out of the house early and back late.

My first thought was that you potentially have a very fast let down or oversupply. This is causing lots of milk to rush to baby all at once, which he can't cope with brilliantly and is therefore biting and tugging to try and stem the flow. This would also explain the wind issues (baby will be gulping big mouthfuls quickly to deal with lots of milk).

One of the best ways I've heard from other mums to deal with this is to feed with baby on top, so you're reclined a bit. Gravity is working against the milk which helps baby.

See this vid: www.biologicalnurturing.com/video/bn3clip.html

cbmum - snap, hence the name

It does sound like a forceful let down - I have the same problem and have found that expressing until letdown occurs then holding the pump in the 'suck' position until letdown slows down then latching DD she can then feed without the flooding/gulping choking. Have a look at Kellymom.com for advice on forceful letdown/oversupply.

The wind will be down to the gulping so if you can sort the let down issue then the wind should problem should ease. If you skip feeds for bottles now it may affect your supply.

have you considered phoning La Leche League or one of the other BF helplines? LLL has experienced BF Mums who have done some additional training....

I usually do a trawl through kellymom whenever I have any BF question-I'll bet there is info on there. FWIW baby wanting to be close to you/not sleeping so well may be exactly the same if you were FF, because that's what some babies DO.