tired, miserable and afraid I've put myself on a slippery slope

[jandmmum]

I really don't know what to do. BFing seems so much harder this time round. I'm worried my supply isn't good enough as DDs weight gain I'd not good and she is feeding for longer and longer but falling asleep on the job as I said in previous post. On top of that DS who is not quite 3 is really starting to play up wanting me all the time (which is really upsetting his dad) and I can't say I blame him because I am permanently telling him I can't do the things he is asking either because of the section (like carrying him) or because I'm stuck feeding DD. After a particularly exhausting day ands DD still wanting to be attached to my chest I gave her a bottle of formula. This was then followed by tantrums by DS at bath time and DH gave her a bottle of formula so I could see to DS. I am just expressing now but DH is going to give her a bottle of EBM that I expressed last night later so that I can go to bed earlier as I M exhausted. I know all these miss feeds are likely to diminish supply further but the exhaustion is not helping production either. Am I on the slippery slope to the end of BFing? I can't help but think switching to bottles will make life easier all round but feel incredibly guilty to be considering quitting so early DD is only 4 weeks old and FF has been so demonised even though my brain knows that FF babies can be just as healthy and happy as BF I feel like such a failure.
sorry for the long message just needed to get itboff my chest ( parden the pun!)

hi jandmumm

You are having a bad day. Pour yourself a glass of wine and have a cuddle with your DH on the sofa and try not to over-think it for tonight. I am a firm believer in doing whatever gets you through the night when it comes to small babies and frankly bf-ing is exhausting, thankless, painful etc at times (even though we know it's 'best' and can also be wonderfully bonding etc). You have just done what you needed to do to get through today and no one is going to judge you on that - tomorrow is another day and you might wake up feeling filled with new resolve to bf or completely decided that ff-ing is fine if it means you stay sane. Either decision is completely fine if it works for you.

I know it is a mum's job to feel guilty about everything but please please don't, just surviving having 2 kids is a huge achievement. I'm sure someone else will come on soon with better advice but be kind to yourself, you have a lot on your plate.

It is hard. If you decide that bf isn't for you this time round, have you considered mixed feeding? I mixed fed DS1 until he was a year old so it can be done.

I mixed fed dd for eight months. My supply was good throughout however. My HV advised that as long as I bfed twice in 24 hours then my supply would continue. I found I needed to bfeed three times per 24 hrs however.

Relax and don't feel bad if you decide to switch to FF. Do what is right for you and your family.

Thanks for the sympathy novicemama I know it was a bad day but it has been coming for sometime.

Tryharder and oneandnomore thanks for the advice - I do want to mix feed and had intended this from the outset as I will be going back to work when DD is 8 months old. I'm totally clueless though of how to go about it. Do you always BF the same feeds and FF the others? Which are the best to BF to maintain supply?

There's not much advice out there regarding mixed feeding.
thanks
x

Hello - I don't know much about mixed feeding but always find kellymom useful for information - www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning-partial.html

monkeytoo
thanks that's been helpful
x

Hi, I'm mixed feeding and it seems to be working so far. DD2 is 5 weeks old and on the 75th centile. DD1 was a nightmare - fell off all the charts, took until week 12 until she weighed what DD2 did at week 4 and was exclusively FF from week 14. It turned out DD1 wasn't a breast fan and too lazy to learn to do it properly. A trait she still shows now with new foods a nearly 2!

DD2 has been having some formula from day 4 as I was struggling. I have no idea if what I'm doing is right but it seems to work for us. I do 4 feeds myself and the other 3 are bottles. So :-
7am Me
10am bottle
1pm Me
4pm bottle
bedtime split feed either side of the bath Me
10.30 bottle
3am bottle

I hasten to add all of the times vary according to when she wants feeding. The routine also seems to work well as it's easier for me to bottle feed when we're out and about and it means DH can do the late evening feed if needed so I can get some kip.

The only problem I've had is if DD2 wakes late to feed in the early hours I feel as though I'm going to explode!

I know several people who have mixed fed so it is possible. Good luck. oh, and at least DH is around to help you at the end of your day - my DH is a London commuter so not home until the hell of bedtime is over

I sympathise. I have an 8 week old and a 4 year old. Am exhausted from BFing and lack of sleep too. I have a carton of Aptamil in the cupboard which has been there since day 2. The fact it's there makes me feel better even though I am trying to avoid formula feeding. Have also expressed a bit so have that as standby too. But everyday I manage another day BFing so hope to keep going. My current target is 12 weeks. Then I will re-evaluate. I find it helps to have a target. I did this for first child and ended up doing over 2 years!

I know what you mean about guilt though! I did a bottle per night of formula with DD1 for about 3 months and then stopped. It saved my sanity and didn't seem to impact upon BFing at all. So far haven't done it this time. It might be easier if you schedule in your bottle feed to make things less erratic and your supply of bm would probably adjust to take that missed feed into account. Just a suggestion.

Good luck.

cbmum that sounds like a good routine but don't you get engourged by going so long overnight without a feed? Does this not impact production?

Got the go ahead to drive from GP this morning so took myself off to BF support group and got a few ideas but didn't tell them about the bottles of formula as they are so pro BF and anti FF like it's poison or something that I didn't want a lecture.

Fifitot, sounds like you're doing well. I too had that carton in and also did with DS but didn't try DS with it until he was much older only to discover he couldn't take it when he projectile vomitted it back up. I gave in way easier this time. We just had another bed time paddy despite DH giving a bottle rather than me feeding. Never thought it would be this hard!

DS is 3.6yo and DD 16mo. I found BF-ing DD so difficult for the first few months. - Physically fine, but the logistics of it meant DS had hardly any quality time with me - I felt I was either constantly stuck on the sofa feeding, or trying to get DD to nap or sorting out meals etc.

In hindsight, I really wished I'd gone for mixed feeding - at the time I felt too guilty, as i fed DS for 12mo, so felt I had to do the same for DD. It did get easier, and now I'm still feeding DD - although mainly because I don't know how to wind it down, I'm really ready to finish, she isn't - another reason why I wished I'd offered formula. - I'm not being very helpful here, but just wanted to say I went through similar and wish I'd had the good advice you've already had on here - do what you need to do to make things work for you - you need to be happy yourself and feel right about things.

I hope things work out well. (Assuming you've already done things like have a little box of toys/books etc. ready for your eldest that you can do together on the sofa when feeding).

I do remember reading it's a good idea to give a bottle mid/late afternoon if you want to mix feed as this will help to bump up your supply for the next feed at bedtime, when your supply can be lower. My midwife friend always told me your supply is highest during the night that's why DD is still a BF-monster then I guess.

caddiflur Thanks for your message and hope things are getting easier for you. At 16 months I wouldn't bother with a bottle DS gave up his around this time. Instead I would offer milk in a cup, first eliminating morning feed and once this is accepted work on night feed. DS has one of the cow cups and asks for his moo cow milk. It did take a few attempts to get him to take out of it at night.
All the best
x

jandmmum - no I haven't had problems and supply seems to be ok. TBH I had intended switching totally to formula and was going to drop the 7am feed but I'd set myself a target of a few days to re-evaluate
(2 weeks ago) and so far it's ok. But, if things get tricky on the supply front I will switch.

thanks jandmmum - DD is fine drinking milk out of a cup, we never bothered with bottles - she just isn't keen on giving up her BF to complement it! - I've realised that since cutting her morning feed she's waking more at night so I think it's the comfort thing to have that quiet time with me - so we've gone back to a wake-up feed and are at least back down to one night waking. She's so strong willed and we just can't cope with any crying at night as she's really loud, and after a bout of teething we had next door banging on the wall, which was really upsetting, as I'd been round the week before to apologise if she ever disturbed them and explained she's teething. so now I feel I have to jump out of bed as soon as she starts crying at night, to avoid her waking them, which of course is the worst thing to do. Ahh, and there was me thinking I'd have it sussed second time around, not a chance .