Stupid questions from a Newbie Breastfeeder

[BebeBelge]

Hello Everyone!

My son is almost 3 weeks old and I am not enjoying breastfeeding at all. I bought into all the hype about it being a wonderful bonding experience for you and your baby and am gutted to be feeling this way. Particularly as I was unable to bf my dd. My milk never came in so I was all the more determined this time to keep going. Don't get me wrong, I don't plan on giving up but am just wondering does it get better/easier??

1. Is it possible to bf discreetly in public with out displaying nipple?? Any tips? I have tried using a shawl but find i can't see what I am doing when trying to get ds latched on. Nipples are still a bit sore from earlydays bad latch-on so neeed to concentrate!

2. is it ever completely pain free??

3. do you always need to wear a bra at night and do you always need breast pads?? Will leaking ever stop??

4)will my dh ever be able to...erm... touch my breasts without soreness, leaking etc??

I know these are superficial questions and I should just suck it up, but would love some encouragement

Thank you!

Hi BebeBeige

Am up early too feeding my 13 week old dd so thought I'd share my tips.

1. I bf in public frequently with no (or minimal) nipple flashes, I wear baggy top so that if dd un-latches the top falls back down. Also can get bra undone underneath. Also I found in the beginning, it is better to turn away to latch on, then turn back round once she is feeding, but now I don't bother as it's much easier and quicker to latch

1. Yes! Think for me it was pain free by week 3 but luckily I didn't get any cracked nipples to heal.

1. I don't leak much now, but used to sleep with a towel or muslin under me rather than wear a bra which is uncomfortable.

1. Can't comment on this as my dh has not been allowed near them yet

Oh and it's not superficial at all, you are doing brilliantly, in a few weeks hopefully it'll be a breeze

Congratulations on your baby boy!

Hope this helps.

Both times, I've found it gets much, much easier around 6 weeks (disclaimer - this timescale isn't true for everyone). Then by three months, it's simple. Having found it very painful to start off with (I used to cry when he latched on), it's amazing that now I can't even tell if DS has come off.

1. Is it possible to bf discreetly in public with out displaying nipple?? Any tips?
   A vest underneath that you can pull down and a top over that you can pull up (or a shirt you can open). It takes some getting used to, but most of us get there. Try feeding while looking in the mirror - you may be surprised how little you can actually see. Like Buongiano, I often latch on while turning away - if in a corner - then turn around once DS is settled.

2. is it ever completely pain free??
   Yes, totally pain free now (six months)! Honestly, I would not have believed this back in the early days. I had a hideous time with DD (had thrush in the early weeks) but ended up feeding her for 18 months because it was so easy after a while.

3. do you always need to wear a bra at night and do you always need breast pads?? Will leaking ever stop??
   I do wear a bra at night, but a more comfy one or a breastfeeding vest. The leaking has stopped for me (unless DS sleeps for longer than usual at night - no such luck!). But I wear pads anyway (not sure why - I like the feeling of safety).

4)will my dh ever be able to...erm... touch my breasts without soreness, leaking etc??
Yup! Again, I'm wary of quoting a timescale, as it varies so much, but it was after about three months for me.

It sounds like you're doing brilliantly. And it's such early days. Have you got BF support in real life? Any groups near you? I found our local group a godsend in the early days - just to see women feeding babies a few months old helped me get through the constant feeding and discomfort of the early weeks.

Hi bebebelge, congratulations on your ds and well done you for trying again at bf! Mn is here to help and hopefully you will have a very different experience this time round.

The good news is yes ime it very definatly gets better. I seem to recall that around three months i felt confident feeding anywhere, had no more leaking and ds had settled down to less frequent, more efficient feeds. The nature of bf is that some days your ds might feed lots and other days hardly at all. I suggest you keep a bottle of water by the sofa, a box set in the dvd player and a stack of special "baby feeding time" things to entertain your dd, so when a cluster feed strikes you are ready!

I had some soreness in my nips to begin, and then a slightly painfull let down for a while, but this was all sorted by about a month. Keep making sure your latch is right and get it re checked if the pain doesn't go soon. Hopefully someone else will be along to give you more guidance on how long to leave it...

I used to leak a lot, but now at 6m never bother with pads and haven't done for some time, since 4m maybe, and it isn't a problem. I don't wear a bra at night as i co sleep to make feeding easier and a bra would get in the way (now ds can roll over it's virtually self service).

Tbh while my breasts aren't sore or leaky now they be also not that erotic for me. Obv this is very personal but at the mo they are for feeding ds. They were never my favourite errogenous zone (or dhs!), but i'm sure they'll regain some allure when bf is over!
So imo it's definatly worth sticking with! Now i can go anywhere at a moments notice and know i can feed my ds the best, safest food whenever he wants it. I've just been on hols with a friend who ff's. Jesus is that a faffy pita or what? To remind yourself of this you could check out some of the ff threads on here. Obv the above is just my experience but hopefully if i few people reply you can build a picture of possibilities.

My ds is 8 weeks and like you found early weeks really difficult and painful (cried a lot, was scared of each feed as it came around etc). Is so much better now, really convenient and pain free!

1. Is it possible to bf discreetly in public with out displaying nipple??
   I'm a shy person and was surprised to find I wasn't that bothered about feeding in public. Meet up with some other bf mums and you will see that baby's head is in the way most of the time - someone would have to be pretty determind to get a proper ogle. Also good to have another adult to chatter at you to make it feel more normal. If you are on your own, try and find a quiet corner of a park. Early days for me still but I find that most people will studious LOOK AWAY if they realise you are feeding. Occasionally another mum with baby have given me a friendly glance.

2. is it ever completely pain free??
   YES! Keep the faith, for me by about 5 weeks. The thing that really helped me carry on was going to bf clinic and having help to have completely pain free feed on both sides and blissed out baby. Wasn't able to recreate it straight away on my own but I got there soon. Just keep unlatching them if its not right so your nipples don't get damaged. Still have to concentrate to get it right if he is sleepy etc but so so much easier now.

3. do you always need to wear a bra at night and do you always need breast pads?? Will leaking ever stop??
   I wear nursing vest - like a cross between bf bra and vest - as more comfy. Still wearing pads but just prefer to, not a necessity. Others in my antenatal group have given up pads. You might still leak if you miss a feed. Some people also do when the baby really cries.

4)will my dh ever be able to...erm... touch my breasts without soreness, leaking etc??

Yes. If you've had a mammoth feed you might feel like having them to yourself for a bit!

HTH

1. Is it possible to bf discreetly in public with out displaying nipple??

Yes, - try wearing big cardigan over t-shirt, or buy special nursery shawl if you re very modest.

2. is it ever completely pain free??
   For me not until around 3 months as I initially get some let down pain. But the let down pain was only for a minute at the start of each feed.

3. do you always need to wear a bra at night and do you always need breast pads?? Will leaking ever stop??
   For me still need breastpads & bra at night. Still leaking when feeding.

4)will my dh ever be able to...erm... touch my breasts without soreness, leaking etc??

Yes this is fine, no soreness and no leaking if its after a feed.

1. Feeding in public.
   Get to Primark and buy some stretchy cami tops. Top up / top down technique :) Also remember you're at the beginning of things! You get quicker and more sure of what you're doing as time goes by. There are feeding rooms in some shops as well if you'd rather use those.

2. Pain.
   I think I was totally pain free by about 5/6 weeks. But even from week four it was minimal. So there is hope in sight!

3. Bra.
   I had a lot of milk, so I had to wear breastpads until DS started on solids. Now I wear a bra at night for the extra support as my breasts are so big. Though I do sometimes use the stretchy tops I mentioned above and just put my breastpads in that.

4. Breasts.
   This settles down when your supply does (about six weeks ish) - though I still don't like my breasts being touched personally.

Firstly, well done on getting this far, it is highly likely that you have come through the worst of it and therefore things will just get easier and easier! Secondly, none of this is superficial - this stuff's important!

1. Is it possible to bf discreetly in public with out displaying nipple??
   Yes, but you might find your confidence with this comes when your DS gets more head control in another few weeks. By 2 or 3 months DS was practically chewing my bra off when he was about to get fed and there were no lingering moments of nipple exposure whatsoever! Some good advice above regarding clothing combos etc - for many people as their confidence grows they get more brazen though, I certainly didn't worry in case I flashed anything because with experience you realise that most people aren't actually aware you're doing more than cuddling them!

2. is it ever completely pain free??
   Yes, but I can't remember when exactly. I know the pain on latching lasted for a few weeks, and I'd have to grit my teeth for the first 8 seconds of a feed, but that faded of its own accord I think possibly just as they get bigger and better at latching on themselves. After a couple of months I am sure there was no pain at all, hard to believe compared to the start but that's one of the wonders of nature I guess.

3. do you always need to wear a bra at night and do you always need breast pads??
   No, I hate wearing a bra in bed. I did for a few weeks (early on I leaked between feeds a lot) but soon I only leaked during a feed, from the opposite side. I used to feed lying down and tuck a muslin or terry square over the upper boob to soak up the dribbles and save it going in his ear. Re breast pads, I used washable Avent ones for ages (much comfier than disposables) before realising they were always dry, could have got away without them after 4 or 5 months probably.

4)will my dh ever be able to...erm... touch my breasts without soreness, leaking etc??
Yes, for me it really all settled down to "normal" after around 3-4 months. I found that I didn't really like having my nipples touched while I was still feeding DS but the odd grope was fine

IME a lot of these worries will fade away imperceptibly over the next month or two and one day you will realise just how unconsciously and effortlessly you're doing it. For some people that stage comes sooner and more easily than for others but it really does get to be second nature. You really have got through the worst of it I'd say, and while it might not be a blissful bonding thing right now, soon you'll look at your lovely round little cherub and glow with the knowledge that it's all your own work :)

I felt exactly like you at 3 weeks. DD is now 15 weeks, bf-ing has been a doddle (barring the growth spurts, but she'd have had those anyway) since about 6 weeks. Lots of people find bf-ing hard to begin with. Doesn't mean you are doing it wrong.

In answer to Q.1 - yes, and you'd be surprised at how much the baby conceals. Wear a top to pull up and a vest underneath to pull down and maybe practice at home with someone watching to find out just how much flesh gets flashed. I have to admit the solution for me has been not giving a shit if my nipple is on display - but I realise that isn't true for everyone.

Q.2 - yes definitely. At around 4 weeks I said to my DH that latching on had stopped hurting and to remind me of this if we ever decide to have another child. My nipples don't feel any different to before now. There must have been a point when they stopped being sensitive when I took a shower too but I don't remember when.

Q.3 - I think I stopped wearing a bra at night around week 8/9. I could probably have stopped sooner, it just didn't occur to me. I still use washable breastpads during the day though I'm not sure I leak very much now. I leak occasionally at night but not much.

Q.4 - yes.

I also found that once I had the confidence to go out and about a fair bit I began to enjoy all the advantages of breastfeeding. DD and I go everywhere and I never need to worry about food. We went to a parent and baby screening at a local cinema today, and other babies there cried for much of the film, but when DD started to squawk I could just latch her on. We've taken long train journeys (4+ hours), gone on country walks, visited art galleries and eaten out in restaurants with the security of knowing that we don't have to plan what to bring or when to feed, and that if DD gets very distressed I always have the power to console her. Obviously parents who bottle feed do manage all these things, but I imagine it is a slightly more fraught process when the baby is small.

My DD is 9 months old last week and we're still breastfeeding. We had a few difficult weeks at the beginning but things are really easy now.

1. Is it possible to bf discreetly in public with out displaying nipple?? Any tips?

Yes it's possible. The more you feed, the more expert you and baby will become. After a few shaky weeks, I could latch DD on without looking which helped and now she's older, she can latch herself on so I just need to get her in the right place. I bought some breastfeeding t-shirts from Blooming Marvellous for the first few weeks. They're more expensive that the vest/t-shirt combos mentioned above but gave me loads of confidence so it was worth it. I found having less fabric to hoik up everytime I wanted to feed made things a lot less fiddly.

2. is it ever completely pain free??
   Yes absolutely.

3. do you always need to wear a bra at night and do you always need breast pads?? Will leaking ever stop??

I stopped wearing a bra at night once summer got going and it got too hot and about that time, I stopped wearing breats pads too. Boobs are very clever things and will soon stop over producing when you and baby get into a good routine and then the leaking and engorging will stop - until, as said above, baby randomly sleeps through one night. but by then, you're so glad of the sleep, you don't care

4)will my dh ever be able to...erm... touch my breasts without soreness, leaking etc??

Yes. Once the engorgement stops, you'll be fine

Not superfical questions at all. Hope I helped...

1. It is possible. Feeding discreetly becomes much easier as you both become better at it. At three weeks I would have found it awkward but it doesn't take long before its second nature. Also their heads get bigger and cover more of your boob!

2. Re pain - yes it became completely pain free. Can't remember exactly when but certainly weeks not months.

3. Re leaking - hopefully will calm down a bit for you. Your boobs will produce milk to suit your babies demand.

4. Oh yes, normal service can be resumed while breast feeding.

At not quite three weeks it is still very early days. This is the difficult bit. Stick with it. It does get easier. And it is lovely and special and wonderful and you will enjoy it. Feel all nostalgic now.

Thank you, ladies! i am so hormonal right now, your encouragement actually made me cry. My problem is I live in Japan, and I haven't been here that long so my Japanese is very basic to say the least so it's hard to find talk to the midwives freely and express how I feel. The last time I saw the midwife she said my latch was good as long as I pull out ds's lower lip. But it still hurts. my conclusion is that he doesn't open his mouth wide enough (even if I wait till he cries a bit). A friend back home said she's concluded the same with her daughter and eventually as she got bigger, the problem eased a bit. Do you think this could be it?

I was also wondering if I pumped from the sorest side for a few days and gave the expressed milk in a bottle (while still nursing on the other side) would my supply dry up in that breast? I just want to give this side a chance to heal and then try again. I don't understand how it can heal if I keep going? I'm not worried about nipple confusion as it turned out that the midwives in the hospital were giving my ds glucose from a bottle without my knowing. I was really cross at the time, but now at least he has no problem switching from breast to bottle! He maybe has one expressed bottle from dh every couple of days at the moment so I can sleep a bit longer.

Thanks again for your tips! Any other tips on getting him to open his mouth wide would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

Excuse dodgy typing as bf-ing. There are a couple of "help, will it get easier" threads from me on here from when dd2 was about 3 week. Am still feeding at 6 months sovyes it does! I probably wouldn't express from one side for a couple of days but how about trying a day to start with? It's amazing how quickly Nipples heal. I did a day and was amazed at how much it helped both physicaly and psychologically. Also had the same problem with dd's mouth and it certainly got beter as she got bigger. I found really supporting the breast and latching her on really firmly helped too. In terms of being pain free it got easier around 3 weeks and by 6 weeks it was fine. Good luck. You are doing so well.

I learnt a handy phrase when I was first BF which helped - "Tummy to Mummy, Nose to Nipple"

Make sure baby is right over on his side so his tummy is touching yours and his face is looking straight at your boob. Then move him so his nose is level with your nipple. It looks like it'll never work but it encourages him to tip his head right back and open his mouth really wide which is a really good position for latching on - you can shift him once he's latched if its more comfortable.

Another tip was to switch hands when latching so you use the hand on the same side as you are feeding to support your boob and the opposite hand to support baby. Gentle tickle his top lip with your nipple which will encourage him to open his mouth then push him towards your boob till he gets a really good mouthful. You're aiming to get your nipple to the roof of his mouth, not the back for him to get the best latch.

And remember, if it hurts, you can always unlatch him (a little finger in the corner of his mouth will break the suction and stop it hurting) and try again. As he gets bigger, it will get easier. Feeding laying down might help too.

Expressing for a day might help the sore boob but I wouldn't go for too much longer. A pump is nowhere near as efficient at removing milk from a boob so it will reduce your supply eventually as less will be taken. You could also try rubbing a little breastmilk on the sore nipple after each feed, leaving your boob out for a little while after each feed to let it get some air and help healing or some Lanisoh if you can get it in Japan. It's expensive but it really works. Maybe you have family in England who could send you some??

Wow, that was an essay!! Hope it helps. You're doing really well.

You can, by the way, swap hands back after you've latched baby on if you do it as I said above. I forgot to add that bit

It gives you more control while latching but it would be super uncomfy to sit like that for the whole feed!

1. Agree with SirBoobALot, wear cami tops / vests under your top. Then if you pull these down and your other top up, there's minimal flesh on show. Your baby hides your nipple!

2. Yes! It really, really hurt me at first! But it got better after a few weeks, and completely stopped hurting.

3. The leaking does stop. I forget when, but it does! Your body gets more efficient at making just what's needed. it;s strange actually - after the milk so obviously being there, it seems to disappear! But it must be still there, as DS is getting milk from somewhere!

4)Yup, see 3

HTH

This is a great site with lots of info on BF www.kellymom.com/

1. Is it possible to bf discreetly in public with out displaying nipple?? Any tips? I have tried using a shawl but find i can't see what I am doing when trying to get ds latched on. Nipples are still a bit sore from earlydays bad latch-on so neeed to concentrate! -

Good advice above. I also had a cardigan that was a great big stretchy thing to wrap around us both once latched on. I found it easier than faffing around with a shawl as it was already on me. Give yourself a break though, breastfeeding can take some getting used to and and if youre anything like me first time round you practically need your whole top off to get a good aim! Once youve got the hang of it you'll be able to do it anywhere.

2. is it ever completely pain free??

Yes, it should get a lot easier when your nipples have got used to it! There may be times when it goes sore again and you'll not know why but it may be that the baby is positioned funny so just recheck how you are positioned. If your boobs are sore and hot and you dont feel too well be aware of mastitis, if you ver feel like this you need to get to the docs as quick as poss. Mastitis is when milk ducts get blocked and you can get an infection...its really common and nothing to panic about but it could hinder your bf efforts if you dont get it sorted...best thing with mastitis is to keep feeding even though it can hurt because it will help clear the blocked duct. Hopefully this wont happen but forewarned is forearmed I say!

3. do you always need to wear a bra at night and do you always need breast pads?? Will leaking ever stop??

Depends on the person. My friend, never ever had to wear pads and didnt leak at all. I sprang leaks all the time. I couldnt feed from one side without the other side absolutely pouring out at the same time...I used to collect the milk in a breast shell and save it for emergencies if I wasnt there....mainly because I was rubbish at expressing. Actually another tip from me if yu find it hard is that if I really needed to express milk Id do it from one side whilst feeding on the other...I get the most milk that way as my let down reflex would actually go. The leaking did calm down after a few months but never completely stopped. (maybe i have faulty valves though!)

4)will my dh ever be able to...erm... touch my breasts without soreness, leaking etc??

Yes, boobs are quite clever, they generally know the difference between your baby and your dh! Maybe not at first but after a while it will be fine, and you shouldnt stay sore for long.

Dont ever think they are stupid questions. Newbie brestfeeders should be asking a million questions, how else are you going to know? Keep it up and congratulations!

Congratulations on your baby boy! The pain will go. How long it takes varies. I felt sore for a while after my first and not at all with subsequent ones. It becomes easier to feed with practice. I always slept with a towel around my chest as I wouldn't have been able to sleep in a bra and it's easier for night feeds in any case. Yes, you will be able to let OH touching them once the pain eases off. Well done on getting this far - it will get easier and does become the lovely bonding experience you were expecting. Good luck!