BFing so hard second time around....

[fifitot]

I have just read a post below where someone is struggling. I don't want to monopolise that one but feel the need to offload! Am so down about BFing at the moment.......

This is my second baby. With DC1, after awful problems with latch, mastitis etc I ended up feeding for 2 years. Until recently I would always try and post on this kind of thread - encouraging other women to tell them it gets better. I thought I knew it all! Ha ha.

I am back in the same place as I was with DC1. Granted I haven't had the same problems but am struggling again despite thinking it would be a breeze second time around.

DS is 7 weeks - thought I was over the worst. He was only doing 2 night feeds and settling after them. In the last week he has been cluster feeding like mad but can live with that if it means only 2 night feeds. However he did 3 feeds last night and wouldn't settle after them - just like the early days. really full of wind.

I am knackered. I know it gets better, have said as much myself but this time is just as hard, if not harder as have 2 children. DC1 is 4 and it's hard to look after her and a baby after little sleep. DH is at work and noone to help locally with her - though she starts school full time in 3 weeks.

On top of everything else I can't keep my own weight up - am naturally thin but look really skinny now, despite eating for England. Same thing happened last time. I feel horrible and ugly, none of my clothes fit. I also have had an infection in my stitches and have found out I have a prolapse - not sure what the treatment is until see my doc, but this has added to my despair really, as feel very uncomfortable alot of the time.

I guess am just feeling sorry for myself. If I have a decent nights sleep tonight maybe this will feel silly. Just want to get to a stage where it is not such a drain.

I know Tiktok below says there is no magic date when it all falls into place but I thought by 7 weeks things might have calmed down.

Sorry for the length of post. Just needed to get it off my chest. I want to carry on but am sorely tempted by a nightime bottle of formula and I know it is probably not the answer for either me or baby.

Hello

I am thinking you must have looked at my thread about BF and just wanted to offer you some empathy - it is hard when you are so tired to be fun for an older one and make sure the little one is OK. I guess it's just holding onto that thought that it WILL get better, isn't it.

Sigh though!

Oooh I really feel for you, no real advice as I've currently only got the one dc and have yet to experience breast feeding second time round.

On a nutritional level these foods are healthy but high in calories, try and get as much of these down you as possible - will help with your energy levels and general well being

muesli for breakfast with full fat milk

avocado - eat on it's own or slice into a sandwich

nuts - eat a handful with some raisins/dried fruit and a banana or have a nice thick slice of granary bread with peanut butter.

add seeds and olive oil dressings to a bag of ready mix salad

have a few glasses of pure fruit juice during the day

Have you got a breast feeding clinic near you , even if they can't help you on a practical level the face to face support will be invaluable. What about your hv can he/she get you some kind of mother's help?

I really hope things get better for you, your baby is still so new and this time round you've got another little person to attend to. My hat is off to you

Thanks for your replies and yes TIBHW I was looking at your post!

The food ideas are useful too. Full fat milk - never thought of that as a simple way to icrease calories... doh!

Feel a bit better after an afternoon nap today. I know I have to take it one day at a time and that there will good and bad days.

Thanks again.

Fifitots, can I send you empathic very un-MN but sincere hugs.

My DD1 was 3 and four months and vile to me after DD2 was born, her way of dealing with the fact that I had been in and out of hosp during pregnancy and then laid out by another emcs. DD2 was a great feeder but a little and often gal, so as well as being physically fairly crocked (post op infections too) I felt a lot of resentment that DD1 wouldn't be more compliant. She would refuse to get dressed, run away, kick/poke me in the tummy, and other charming antics.

On the worst days, I just kept telling myself it would get better, it would get better......and eventually it did.

Hope tonight is better and keep posting.

x

Thanks lizzy.

Only have the one so no experience to use for wise words, but wanted to offer more un-MN-like hugs - this too shall pass & all that.

Thanks Jemjabella - bit better last night and feel better for posting my rant yesterday.

Hi Fifitot

I just reread your post, and had a few more thoughts. I would stress I am not saying "do this and all will be fine", as every body's circumstances are different, and everyone's experience of having another child is very different. I would say that things are likely to ease a bit once your DD1 is at school - my dd1 was at nursery and then I used a summer club just to give a bit of sanity when dd2 was tiny. It also relieved the guilt (a bit) that I wasn't being a "good" mother to DD1. I felt very strongly that DD2's needs had to come first and found myself being very hard on DD1 in the early months.

When people asked me how dd1 was with the baby, my answer was "Fine....it's really that she has a problem with me" I was surprised at how many mothers of 2 or more children had had this experience. I now think of it as part of the process where we learned to be a family of four rather than three.

I do realise that many of the feelings and challenges you describe are part and parcel of having a new baby, however have you considered having your thyroid function checked, as it is not uncommon for women to experience a thyroid imbalance after pregnancy? Just a thought.

Take care

Thanks lizzy - DD is settling down a bit now and as school starts soon, she will be occupied during the day.

Re Thyroid - this had crossed my mind and will ask at my post natal check next week. However I was like this last time and there was no problem.

I am really glad you posted. It is so helpful to hear other's experiences and you are right - it is a process. Eventually DD1 will adapt and DS will find his own little space in the family. Thanks again.