Day 4 BF, can't stop crying and ready to quit.

[CageBird]

Please help, I'm in such a state. I'm trying to BF my 4 day old DS. It has been going so well, I have had the support of a wonderful lactation consultant. I'm sure I've figured out latching at long last.

But since my milk has come in, my nipples and areolas are SO rock hard that my nipple just doesn't stretch far into the baby's mouth and consequentially they have both cracked really badly. I express at the start of every feed to soften them, but they don't soften enough to make them nice and stretchy. The hand pump pools with blood, which makes me shaky too.

DS is a hungry boy and is on the boob most of the time. I'm exhausted. I'm in complete agony, to the point where I'm shaking. I miss DC 1 & 2 who I hardly get to see because DH has to entertain them so I can feed.

I feel so lonely and alone being the only one to be able to feed my baby. I have had a long night and I know I'm tired. I'm sending DH out for nipple shields and formula. I know I shouldn't get the formula in, but I'm on my knees and I can feel the plot slipping.

My lactation consultant is working as a midwife today and is not able to come for a visit. Murphy's Law it's on my hardest day yet...

Any support greatly appreciated....

If its of any help - here's some virtual sympathy.

B/f is just so difficult to get going - I struggled more with DD2 than with DD1 but I haven't experienced what you are going through.

Can you hand express a bit rather than pump which might be a bit too much at the moment? ANd I guess you have Lansinoh and all the other b/f necessaries? Fingers crossed, the nipple shields will help.

WHy not a bit of formula if it gives you a break and a window to get some air to your nipples and encourage a bit of healing? It won't be the end of the world.

These early nights are the hardest - when everyone else wakes up and you feel that you have just gone through the world's toughest battle all night, feeling totally responsible and wholly inadequate at the same time.

I do hope you get some sleep today. All the best.

And day four is notorious for being the one where it all begins to overwhelm you and you cry and cry (pesky hormones!) No real advice I'm afraid but lots of sympathy. It WILL all feel better soon.

Oh CageBird, I'm so sorry you're having a hard time.

I'm not expert enough to give advice (lanolin and frozen cabbage leaves were as far as I got, I'm afraid) but I just wanted congratulations on the birth of your DS and well done for getting this far with bfing.

Also, bumping in the hope that someone with more experience comes along soon.

bmp

This happened to me but we got through it! Congratulations on your wee one :)

Going to type a better post but wanted to you know we're onto it :)

If you can't see your lactation consutant today maybe a phone call to one of the breastfeeding helplines would be a good idea. They can offten give you lots of help over the phone.

National Breastfeeding Helpline
Operated by the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers and The Breastfeeding Network
Tel. 0300 100 0212

La Leche League
Tel. 0845 120 2918

National Childbirth Trust
Tel. 0870 444 8708

The Breastfeeding Network - breastfeeding support in Bengali and Sylhetti
Tel. 0300 456 2421

As for your craked nipple's please don't let them dry out. This was the old advice when healing but they have now found that moist wound healling helps them heal faster. So apply a dressing or use a barrier cream like Lasinsoh. If they dry out they will become more craked, think of it like a dry river bed.

If you feel the need to give formula for a break it's best to feed baby by a syring or cup in order to help prevent nipple confusion.

Good luck

Hello,

Day 4 is well known for being emotional - all your milk has come in and the baby-blue hormones hit to boot.

I would strongly advise hand expressing a little milk off to relieve pressure before a feed and try let baby feed as much as possible.

This is a temporary thing and 9 out of 10 women feel much better within a day or so.

This is normal and it does take a bit of grit to carry on.

You have done amazingly well so far and will continue to do so; go easy on yourself and rest assured this is not permananent, this is part of the establishment of breastfeeding and it will not be the entire breastfeeding experience.

Good luck - google hand expressing if you haven't been shown by anyone. Also ring the nationalhelpline, they are brilliant and will provide you with fantastic support over the phone.

FWIW Mums who aren't b/f often feel bluesy on day 4.

HTH

:)

Right, this was my experience of exactly the same thing.

In my case it was because DS was quite jaundiced and I think I should have been waking him for feeds rather than letting him sleep, but anyway, my milk came in overnight on day 4 and my boobs were like footballs and I, like you, literally had no nipples for him to latch on to. At one point DP was pinching one side while I pinched the other and poor DS tried to get a mouthful of what we could stretch for him!

Things which help - GET SUPPORT. It is day 4, therefore you are still under the care of your midwife. I am assuming this is not the same person as the lactation consultant but unless you have reservations about your MWs competence re BFing knowhow you should definitely call them for support. You need this now, today. Alternatively you could contact any of the BFing support organisations for telephone advice or it's possible that they would have a counsellor local to you who could maybe visit. Contacts for the main support organisations down the right hand sid of this webpage

OK, next you need to get yourself into a warm bath or shower, and get the shower head or some hot flannels onto your boobs. Massage them towards the nipple, concentrating on any tender or lumpy areas. Then gently hand express some milk (I found this really tricky when sore and engorged - . To be honest I found the hand pump just made me sore, hand expressing myself was a little bit easier and less painful.

Then try baby on the breast. I found once DS was attached on one side I could express a bit from the other side by propping him on pillows. It was awkward but much easier to express from one side once he was latched on the other, I think just because the letdown had kicked in and the milk flowed more freely.

Then once I got him latched on once it was a case of toughing it out and making sure I fed him from both sides every couple of hours even if it meant waking him. That stopped the engorgement getting too bad.

I also totally covered my boobs in Lansinoh after every single feed. The midwife gave me some Jelonet which was also good to wear in my bra and kept my nipples soft.

The other thing we tried was savoy cabbage leaves from the fridge, in my bra after a feed, until they'd lost their coolness. That was really soothing.

if I can think of anything else I'll be back - but please hang on in there, the poster who said this is the worst day anyway is so right and IMO it's a huge design fault in humans that your milk comes in at the same time as your hormones got tits up, it's a slog to get through it. But you can do it!

PS: Cracked nipples - get some lanolin!!

Also - just to be informed ... be aware that introducing formula right now could affect your later milk supply, as the baby will not be able to tell your body exactly how much milk it needs you to make.

You might be beyond caring about later-on and desperate for that break (totally and perfectly understandable) but just felt you are better making an informed decision than not. :)

Big hugs

x x x x

Not much to add to the good advice you've had above - but I remember the upsetting blood-in-the-breastpump moments in the first few days well, so you have all my sympathy and a hug. Don't think past getting to the end of this week, and get some help.

CageBird - call a midwife and ask someone to come today.

Formula has its uses, but you need to know the drawbacks of using it at this stage. Drawbacks may be outweighed by the advantages, but you do need to discuss this first, I think.

Most important point: get a midwife to see you.

Hope things get better soon.

How are you getting on CageBird? Thinking of you :)

Thank you so much, you're all really kind to take the time. I'm shaking like a leaf and about to wake DS for a feed. Have expressed (red) and about to do the warm cloths and massage thing.

I'll just take it feed by feed. It's all I can do. I torn between feeding him often to drain my breasts, or leaving him a bit longer to give my nipples a chance to recover and to try and get some rest? It's bonkers that you have to recover from the marathon of childbirth with little or no sleep!

DH is out getting shields, Gel-o-net, Neurofen....and the dreaded formula, but I'll save that for a real crisis, I know it's the beginning of the end when I break out the formula.

PS: What painkillers have you all taken while BF? I know I need to be asking a GP or midwife these questions, I'm just a little 'delicate' for conversations with people right now.

CageBird - I'll say it again....you need to see someone today. You are still under the statutory care of the midwifery service.

You and your DH should not be coping with this without input from the healthcare services.

Not sure why you or DH cannot pick up the phone and speak to someone....

Tiktok speaks sense CageBird - I can understand you not feeling up to talking to someone about this but the sooner you get this addressed the less likely it is that you're going to face ongoing problems. Please get some help :)

CageBird hi

Last sunday my DS was 4 days old. I also decided to express some milk off as i was in so much pain and DS was struggling to latch on making it even more excruciating. Sunday morning i started to express and the milk in the bottle was red. It made me feel sick I found that using the hand pump very gently and making sure my nipple was straight in (not off to one side which would have opened the cracks up more) made it so i was able to express enough milk to soften breast without opening up the cracks. A week later and things are much better. I wouldn't say we have cracked the BF, but i am no longer bleeding after a feed and DS has put on 4oz since wednesday.

I also found that sucking really hard onto a malteser helped with the iniatial pain and would think about my chocolate instead of feeding iyswim?

I hope any of this has helped

Oh, and the new advice is to not air your nipples but to keep them greased up (Lansinoh is amazing) and covered. If they dry out they crack. Think of how quickly wounds heal inside your mouth

definitely hand express before hand. warm face cloth on first. ask your lactation consultant to show you 'reverse pressure softening' for your areaola.
shape the breast when your baby goes on so that lots of breast tissue can be drawn into her mouth
xxx

Hi cagebird - just wanted to send my support - I was in your position exactly, gave a couple of bottles of formula, posted on here in a teary mess, completely miserable - We're BFing like mad 4 weeks later.

Please get someone to come to your house, you'll be amazed how calming and reassuring it can be having someone offer you some solutions.
anyway, I wanted to say, whatever happens over the next couple of days, I hope you get comfortable and happy.
hugs (hey, not MN protocol but everyone needs lots in the week after having a baby!

Thanks again. Had an OK feed after expressing more than I had been, feeding that, and then latching him on.

Had a good phone chat with LC. Am reluctant to call in the community midwife because IMO every person you talk to says a different thing. That's what confused me last time. So I decided to pick one person with one technique and stick with them. She's coming in the morning for another visit.

About to have another go, fingers crossed. Very helpful, thank you, to hear that you've gone through similar and survived.

Day 4 is always the worst for me. Hang on in there (with nipple shields) it'll be better tomorrw

ooh, good to know someone's coming tomorrow - hang on in there till then. And I agree about taking one person and sticking with them, it can get v. confusing otherwise!
Best of luck to you - I'll bet this time in a week you'll be amazed at how much easier it has become :)