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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Am I harming puking toddler by bfing her?

27 replies

DitaVonCheese · 27/08/2010 11:48

Just looking for some reassurance/advice. DD is nearly two and has been throwing up every few hours since the small hours of Wednesday night/Thursday morning. We have been staying at my parents' house for my little bro's wedding and yesterday morning my mum had a big go at me for bfing DD, saying that I should just be giving her water, I was going against medical advice and would prolong her illness and thus be harming her :( She then went off and checked with my uncle (retired GP) who told her that breastmilk was a good thing to give a puking baby, so she came back and apologised. I thought it was all okay.

This morning she's had another go at me for bfing, though I think her stance now is that I shouldn't give DD anything at all, but again I am prolonging the illness and making things worse for DD by my insistence on bfing Hmm I'm now back at home as I can't deal with being attacked and undermined as well as worrying about DD. I am not forcing bfing on her but she has always been a boobfiend and obviously she is keen to bfeed at the moment as she doesn't feel too good.

Should I be trying to refuse her anything at all by mouth for six hours as my mum insists? I am concerned about her becoming dehydrated as much as anything - she wasn't throwing up huge amounts of liquid yesterday but did have some very light nappies.

TIA :)

OP posts:
ib · 27/08/2010 11:52

Does she have ishoos around bf toddlers?

Because otherwise that's just weird.....

Go with what your uncle said. He sounds like he has a clue :)

Lulumaam · 27/08/2010 11:54

breastmilk is probably the best thing you can give a pukey baby/toddler, better than water. and you are giving her cuddles and closeness and comfort too, which is lovely when you're ill

if your DD wants to feed, she should AFAIK have as much as she wans

WoTmania · 27/08/2010 11:55

I would carry on as you are and listen to your (enlightened :) ) uncle

tiktok · 27/08/2010 11:56

Why would you go with what your mother is 'insisting' on? It is essential your dd does not become dehydrated and breastfeeding is the treatment of choice for all babies and toddlers who are suffering vomiting and/or diarrhoea. Any website would confirm this - to stop bf would be quite dangerous as this is an effective way to get fluids and nourishment into her (am assuming she is not keeping much else down). In additon, it is a comfort and reassuringly familiar to a little girl who may be feeling less than on-top-of-the-world.

You need to get this aspect of your relationship with your mother sorted out. It is entirely unacceptable for her to be persisting with this - whatever she thinks of bf your daughter, she should accept you have the right to make a decision about it. It happens to be the right decision and she is wrong, but even if this were not the case, you would need to tell her to stop interfering.

sweetnitanitro · 27/08/2010 11:57

Hmm not sure where you mum is getting her info from! It's very important that your DD gets plenty of liquid and breastfeeding is probably the best way for her to get it because she will feed for comfort as well. There's some info about it here- www.kellymom.com/health/illness/baby-illness.html It says for babies but I think the same applies for toddlers.

Hope your DD feels better soon :)

mamaloco · 27/08/2010 11:59

It comes for an old fashion medecine (not necessarily wrong BTW) That when you have fever=no meat, when you are sick= no milk or diary (or fat)....
So basically first just water then vegetable soup then may chiken soup and after 48h you reintroduce slowly the food...
Whatever. Let your DD have what she wants! children are usually amazingly good at knowing what's good for then when sick. If she wants BF then do it but if she doesn't don't force her.
make sure you offer water little but often if she refuses though.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/08/2010 12:00

Dita breastmilk is the best thing you can give her - you carry on.

Sorry your Mum is being an idiot about it, sounds like she's got issues around the fact that you're still feeding at all.

Hope DD is better soon.

((sneaky hug))

Morloth · 27/08/2010 12:07

There isn't anything better you could be doing for her.

Not only is there hydration (which is hugely important for vomiting/diarrhoea), there is nutrition (which is really important if she can't keep anything else done), if it is a bug rather than food poisoning your body will be busy creating antibodies for her and most of all she is a sick bubba and BFing is as much about comfort as anything else.

It would just be out and out mean to deny her the breast when she is ill.

prettybird · 27/08/2010 12:10

It's amazing how many people think that becasue milk is not necessarily good for you when you've got a dodgy tummy, that breast milk is perefectly calibrated for human guts (wonder why? Wink)

My child minder was the same with ds and thought I shouldn't be giving her EBM to give to ds. Hmm

MoonFaceMama · 27/08/2010 12:16

Dita sorry your mum has given you such a hard time. You carry on! Smile

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/08/2010 12:33

prettybird - the level of misinformation is sad isn't it?

Original poster
DitaVonCheese · 27/08/2010 12:46

Thank you all so so much :) I've been so down and disheartened this morning and now I just want to cry with relief. I thought I was doing the best for her but it's great to have some reassurance and support.

Does my mum have ishoos with bfing toddlers? Honestly, yes I think she does. She bfed all three of us, including a year for my youngest brother, so it's odd she's so anti it really. Since before DD was a year she's been on at me to stop, because of wanting to conceive DC2, and she still hassles me about it now occasionally. She also told me that I should stop feeding DD in public now (this was shortly after her first bday) as people would find it upsetting. The thing is she isn't deliberately being unkind/awkward, she thinks she's supporting us ttc DC2 and I know that today and yesterday's spats were just because she adores DD and wants the best for her.

I've also realised that I have ishoos around my parents, in that I'm absolutely desperate for their approval in all I do. I'm also bad at conflict. Yesterday's fight was really rather good in that I stood up for myself for once :) but today's came out of nowhere and knocked all the wind out of my sails. Apparently my niece gets better from stomach bugs after 24 hours, so it must be me and my pesky bfing which are proglonging DD's agony :(

OP posts:
willowstar · 27/08/2010 12:57

good for you for carrying on. My mum is strangely a little bit anti breastfeeding despite having fed me and my brother for 3 months each despite a lot of pressure to formula feed as was the norm in the early 70s. she was horrible when she asked when I planned to stop and I said whenever my daughter is ready...

I get stressed about my mums little comments too and I don't understand why. (things like my daughter will be slow to speak because she isn't going to nursery and I look after her all the time...that sort of thing!)

anyway, you carry on. I think my little girl who is only just 11 months is going to stop quite soon and I am pretty sad about it.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/08/2010 13:04

Dita I can totally relate to what you say about your relationship with your parents. I have looked up to mine my whole life and always wanted to have their approval. It is only in the last couple of years that I have realised that they don't necessarily know what is best for me - becoming a parent myself has made me look more critically on their parenting.

I'm ashamed to say that my parents don't know that I still feed DS. My Mum is exceptionally weird about it, she didn't manage to BF me but she did my brothers for a little while - only a couple of months each. She feels huge guilt about it, and while she was 100% behind me BFing DS to start with, I know she thinks I ought to have given up when he was about a year old - partly I am sure because she doesn't really like the fact that I have achieved something that she couldn't. This is despite the fact that both my parents are Drs and are well aware of the benefits of extended BFing! Grrrrrrrrr.

Original poster
DitaVonCheese · 27/08/2010 13:12

Thanks :) Tbh I wouldn't mind my parents not knowing that we're still bfing, but DD feeds so often that it's not something I can really hide. My dad is a retired GP too, so I don't know whether mum didn't ask him or whether his answer was different to my uncle's ... My need for their approval at the moment impacts on almost every area of my life and I have no idea what to do about it :( I can't afford counselling. At least I am aware of it and on an entirely rational level I know that the decisions I make are the right ones for me, but there's still the entirely irrational little girl inside me somewhere desperate to be told that she's doing okay :(

OP posts:
tiktok · 27/08/2010 13:19

Yep - this is certainly far, far wider an issue than whether your daughter 'should' be breastfed, isn't it? :)

One thing you might consider is actually telling your mum that this is how you feel - you are continually seeking approval and you know it is not healthy to still have that pressure, because it makes you desperately upset when you make your own decisions which are in conflict with hers. You know a mature adult makes their own decisions...and you strive for that but it costs you quite a lot in emotional terms. Or imagine telling her - what do you think she might say? This could be revealing to you.

There may be something about conflict and its avoidance in your family, and the search for approval is a way of avoiding that. Or it might not be that, but something else.

Counselling need not be expensive - and you may be able to get a referral on the NHS. Worth exploring?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/08/2010 13:34

Dita I had some counselling last year which my GP referred my for. I had to pay £10 a session and my GP practice subsidised the rest. Might be worth asking?

Original poster
DitaVonCheese · 27/08/2010 13:40

I can't really imagine telling my mum - I think she'd either be very upset to learn how I felt or completely poo poo it. I suffered from bad depression at uni and never told my parents - at the time, I felt that they wouldn't be able to help and I was protecting them, but I've since realised that I was scared they wouldn't take my feelings seriously, so I was protecting me too. It's only recently (while pg) that I've realised that you're not really allowed to show any weakness in my family.

I would feel a bit silly Blush asking for counselling because I argue (or don't argue!) with my parents but have been meaning for a while to get a referral for my anger issues (unable to deal with anger appropriately - related much?!) so perhaps I will give that a go.

Sorry this has turned into such a confessional Blush not what I intended at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
DitaVonCheese · 27/08/2010 13:42

Ali that's useful, thanks :) We're in the process of moving, so presumably I should wait until I have a new GP? Current one is lovely but guess then I would have to travel back for appts (?).

Hard to type, DD is asleep on my knee, usually latched on!

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/08/2010 13:44

I would sound out your existing GP - if they agree it might help persuade the next one to?

jerryg · 27/08/2010 15:11

Ive had a long-coming argument with my mother as she can't seem to stop telling me what to do re. Anything to do with my baby. Of course she takes this as me thinking she knows nothing and being mean to her when she is just trying to help, and feeling sorry for herself, when in fact she is a demanding control freak. Dreading having to talk to her again. Quite scared of confrontation when I never used to be! :( Why am I so intimidated by her? And why can't mothers let us make our own parenting decisions??! Sorry. Might look into some counselling myself....

Original poster
DitaVonCheese · 27/08/2010 23:02

Ali think I will, then at least if this one is obstructive I can have another go with the next one ... :)

jerry it's nice to know I'm not the only one! I can completely understand why they want to give advice etc but there is a definite line that is crossed sometimes ...

OP posts:
tabouleh · 28/08/2010 00:11

Dita "My need for their approval at the moment impacts on almost every area of my life and I have no idea what to do about it."

I always get flamed for suggesting this book (it's the title name - that's the problem).

I would not like to call my parents "toxic" however after reading multiple recommendations on MN for that book, I ordered it from the library and it is AMAZING.

It totally helped me with looking at approval issues/boundaries/responibility for parents wellbeing etc. On becoming a parent I think a certain amount of soul searching and looking backwards to look forwards to the next generation is healthy and responsible.

Original poster
DitaVonCheese · 28/08/2010 00:17

Funnily enough, I already have it, following a different thread :) Haven't read all of it though, will try to pick it up again in the next few weeks. I didn't get a lot of support from DH re reading it, as he thinks my parents are great (which they are, which just makes things harder/more complicated). Thanks for reminding me that I have it :)

OP posts:
tabouleh · 28/08/2010 00:24

No problem!

Keep your DH out of your analysis until you've sorted your own position. (use Mn instead) Grin

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