Advice for new mum, please

[SirBoobAlot]

Posting for my friend.

Her DS is a week old. He has had an infection but is now well and they are both home. She is trying to BF. I went to see her today - her positioning isn't quite right, and as much as she knows what she needs to do, she either forgets or is too tired when it comes to it. Her nipples are both bleeding and I also think she has the startings of mastitis on the right side (red patches / lumpy / boiling hot). When I was there she tried to feed him and ended up screaming because it was hurting her so much. In the end she made him up a bottle of formula after saying "I don't know what to do, he's hungry but I can't feed him, I can't..." and crying hysterically. I got my mum to bring up the box of formula she bought for me whilst I was pregnant.

She said the MW came this morning and told her to keep going, but that it has got worse this afternoon. The MW told her to try different positions, and to apply hot and cold flannels.

She not only wants, but kinda needs to breastfeed - she simply cannot afford to pay for the formula, its a simple as that. She knows this, and the pressure it obviously adding to the stress.

I have been encouraging her to take a bit of time getting him latched on properly, and to coat her nipples in Lansinoh. Have also reminded that that she needs to express or it will get worse, even if she decides she is giving him formula. He is not very keen on opening his mouth particularly wide.

Any other advice I could pass on to her?

Can you try to get a BF counsellor/peer supporter out to see her? Here are the helpline numbers:
National Breastfeeding Helpline
0300 100 0212
National Childbirth Trust
0300 330 0771
Breastfeeding Network
0300 100 0210
La Leche League
0845 1202918
Association of Breastfeeding Mothers 08444 122949

Might be worth making sure that the baby's been checked for tongue tie, that they haven't got thrush, etc. Both would make life and feeding much harder to establish.

Sorry gotta go but hope more help is along soon

I had a quick look in his mouth when he was crying, no signs of thrush, and the tongue looked normal, but did suggest she should ask the MW to check.

Thanks for the numbers, will definitely get those to her.

Not sure how she's doing tonight - feel almost as if I have made things worse for her by giving her the box of formula :(

My DS had a tongue tie that was very slight (I couldn't see it) - a lactation consultant noticed that he couldn't push his tongue out, and we got it snipped. There was no 'heart-shape' tongue or anything. So it could still be TT.

When he had the TT and both my nipples were miserably sore on the sides, she showed me how to feed lying down, and I could still feed him until the snip/while my nipples healed... can you show her some different holds, which might be less painful for her?
Also, does she have a pump, or does she know how to hand-express?

You're being a lovely friend - does she have someone in her home supporting her (eg doing all the other baby and/or home stuff?) As long as she's expressing and keeps offering the breast, I'm sure a bottle of formula or two won't stymie everything. I gave DS 2 small bottles in the first week, before my milk came in and when I was absolutely sure I was starving him to death... (I know, I know - new mums worry though!). We're now at 4 weeks very comfortable and happy BFing, and he's very able to eat and gaining lots of weight. I don't think formula is the answer for her, but I also don't think you should feel bad about it.

I wonder if some nipples shields might be an idea in the short term to allow the nipples to heal?

re: lumpy patches, needs to hand express in the bath, in circular motion around breast, bring out to nipple.

Its hard- I visited my SIL three times yesterday (niece is 5 days old), will go back today, she is having problems also getting baby to open mouth wide enough to get nipple in, plus nipple quite flat due to engorgement.

SirBoob

Could you offer to feed him? If I have another DC and have the same problems I had last time I would ask a friend to BF them - I am sure that this is what happens in other cultures. It is probably used to diagnose feeding issues. I realise this is a very "out there" suggestion - but thought I would mention it...

"I got my mum to bring up the box of formula she bought for me whilst I was pregnant." - Please please make sure that it is still in date and that she knows how to make it up safely.

DOH leaflet here.

It is very important especially with newborns to make the formula powder with water which is at least 70 degrees C. This means 1 litre of water boiled left for 30 mins.

Bottles can be made up slightly in advance provided they are not left for 2 hours.

Or a flask of water can be used or see the leaflet for how to make in advance and cool rapidly.

Tabouleh - I admit it crossed my mind, very briefly. But personally, I don't think I could. I also don't think if she'd be comfortable with it, even if I offered.

It is still in date, and I remembered everything I read on here about making up the bottle - her younger siblings were there too, and also helped out, as they remembered making them for when the youngest stopped BFing.

I'm going to go back up later, I will suggest the sheilds as a temporary measure, and remind her about the possibility of TT. Thanks :)

Interesting - I almost offered to feed my 5 day old niece yesterday.... she is having trouble latching in, but thought it would be too wierd. I think if it was my sister rather than SIL I might have offered. Briefly thought that DS2 (4 months) would be able to osrt out SIL's engorgement issues.

Meanwhile midwife said she's lost too much weight and they have to take her back to hospital to check she's not dehyrated.

Its difficult, isn't it? I just think it might be a step too far. On top of that, there was also part of my brain saying "If you feed him, she will feel like even more of a failure seeing you make it look easy". I hope your niece is okay :(

Have just taken up my unopened bottle of Lansinoh for her - didn't get to speak to her as the MW arrived seconds before I did, but spoke to her mum. Apparently she's been trying again since she gave him the formula, but don't know exactly how it went. Will talk to her later.

I just spoke to them, my brother was in a state as baby is being tube fed (with SIL's milk) - hospital breast pump has sorted out engorgement issues though. And brother said doctors say she'll be fine.

Think problem caused by baby having tiny mouth and SIL having very big engorged breasts.

My mum (lives overseas) asked why I didn't offer to feed their baby - TBH main reason for not offering was didn't want her to feel like failure - also wouldn't really help. TBH wouldn't mind either SIL feeding my baby (DH's sister also feeding just now).

Niece is ok but still in hospital. Still can't get her latched on, despite help of midwifes and lactation consultant.

They can't go home until they are happy with feeding. They said cup feeding fine in hospital but not at home, so reluctantly my brother is buying bottles - and I have rented a hospital grade pump for them. I think the idea is that they continue to try to feed whilst topping up with EBM.

MumNWLondon - hope your niece and SIL still doing ok. DS and I went through something similar three weeks ago when my milk came in - we ended up cup feeding him for two or three days (at home in our case), but kept offering the breast at each feed, and eventually it just seemed to click. I don't know if it was just coincidence, but we tried feeding in different positions, and it was feeding lying down where he finally latched on again.