Help! BF seems to be getting harder

[Gillybean2010]

Hello. Sorry in advance for the long post, but I'd really like some help or advice. I'm a first time mum to DS who is 7 weeks old. He was born weighing 5lb 12 at 40 weeks (don't know if it's relevant but dh was a very small full term), and took to BF like a duck to water. Everything was going really well, he lost a bit of weight, but mw said that was fine and normal. Care was then taken over by hv, who weighed him at 3 weeks, and said he wasn't gaining enough weight in her opinion (bf still ok at this point) . She came out to our house and said she was quite concerned as he had only gained an average of 100g per week. As DS is my first, I didn't have much of a clue, so when she suggested a formula top up I agreed (she put it across that this really was the only option) I've since discovered that she used his birth weight, and not his 5 day old weight to calculate this.

So started topping up using slow flow teats in my bottles. However, I went to the clinic last week to have him weighed - he was 7lbs 10. My hv wasn't there, but another one was, who started banding around words such as very concerned and possible growth issue. I really panicked, and got really upset when I left the clinic. I came away really worried, as I hadn't had the chance to really talk over how I feed him, or the teats I use or anything.

I spoke to dh, who thought it might be an idea to go over to variflow, which we've since done. But DS is just guzzling his way through bottle after bottle. I feel now though that my milk just isn't there (the hv, when suggesting that I top up said that after 6-8 weeks, BF is fully established, and I probably wouldn't need the top up). I think the DS is drinking just a little from me, and seems to want more and more formula, which is really upsetting me as we seemed to be doing so well to begin with.

Also, most of my family and dh family are quite anti-breastfeeding (MIL stated that if she saw a woman bf in restaurant she'd complain or ask to be moved, and my own mum thinks I should put him on formula full time) so I'm not getting an awful lot of support from others. I really just want to do what's best for DS, and would love to continue BF, but I feel that the damage is done, and I've listened to some bad advice.

Anyone got any experience of anything like this? I'm sorry for the long post too, just so desperate to read some help or advice.

Gillybean :( :(

You have had some seriously questionable advice and support and I can totally understand your confusion and distress.

Your ds is growing slowly, and I think concern about his growth and intake is justified, but there are ways of doing this which protect your choice to breastfeed.

You can turn things round, though, and I think some good help in real life will be good - can you call any of the bf helplines, or speak to a trusted breastfeeding expert?

How much formula is he having now?

In order to preserve your breastfeeding, it might be necessary for you to express - if your ds is not bf much, then you will need to do this at least 8 times in 24 hours inc at night. You can use the expressed breastmilk instead of some of the formula. Keeping your ds skin to skin with you and letting him feed unrestrictedly will help, too.

Yes, I think damage has been done - not your fault at all - but this doesn't need to be permanent and you and your ds can get back on track :)

def what she said. i had people left right and centre telling me to bottle fed my third baby, and while i also gave into the top ups like you have (as afterall you DO worry) we managed to get back to FT bfing and he is still breastfeeding morning and evening at a year :o

you CAN do it, id suggest spending a whole day in bed with him (called a babymoon i believe). both of you topless, and just watch telly/read books in bed with him. unrestricted boob access for him, and a chance to catch up on sleep and rest for you. i did this a few times to get my supply right up.

oh and make sure you are eating well

Tiktok, thanks so much for getting back to me. It's hard to say how much formula he's getting as it seems to change with every feed - I've seen him take as much as 180mls, but sometimes as little as 30mls; he's usually somewhere in between though. Incidentally, he needs no formula overnight!? I have the NCT breastfeeding phone number, and I think I'll give them a call. It's beginning to really get me down, but no one seems to understand, especially since most people I know are very anti BF.

Also, I did take DS along to see our GP last week after 'growth issue' was mentioned, but he seems entirely unconcerned and said that DS is starting off from small, and that he might have a lag period before picking up again. He advised that we go to clinic this week and next (as DS only has 3 data points on his chart, one being his birth weight) in order to gain more of an insight. I'm going to give expressing a go, even although my hv told me (antenatally) that I couldn't express until 9-10 weeks.

Thanks also Charlotte! Babymooning sounds like bliss! So far (since dh went back to work) I've been getting up with him, and he's looked after DS whilst I get ready, then I have the rest of the day...this was on the advice of my mum, who has insisted on being in a routine, and out of the house by lunchtime. She was shocked when I told her that the NCT classes said it was ok to still be in your pjs at 4pm. I'm trying my very best to eat as well as possible too.

I think the thing I really need to do is get my back teeth, and stop listening to all the 'advice' that people seem to love dispensing to me, especially when it comes to bf. I don't even have the luxury of knowing anyone who has actually bf for long. My mum seems to know a hundred people that gave up for one reason or another, and MIL has her own bf horror story of "I had fluid there, but no milk, and now I have one boob bigger than the other " and " I vowed never again!"

Crikey, it's great being me sometimes

Can't comment really on topping up etc as have no experience, but just wanted to add that I started expressing at about 2 weeks so DH could feed DS using a bottle. It worked out fine for us and DS is still BF and will also take the bottle now, 6 months on! It is really worth investing in an electric pump if you are planning to express quite a bit - it's so much easier to use than a manual one IMO. Good luck!