breastfeeding cave women! help me to understand please

[Giddyup]

I am unsure how to word this as I really don't want it to become a BF/FF bunfight. I breastfed DS for 4 months and it was one of the most awful times of my life. It completely domiated our relationship and not in a good way! At the time I thought this was something pretty unique to me and not seemingly fairly common. I curently have 2 friends really struggling with BF, one with a newborn and one with a 6 week old.

I am 30 weeks pregnant and going to breastfeed again, and am really, really hoping it will work well this time. Last time I had no problems with supply but every feed was agonising, I went to support groups, had visits from a BF counselor, asked every midwife I saw to take a look and nobody could see anything wrong.

How many people found BF a doddle? if you had probs how long did they last/did you stick it out for?

I just don't understand how the human race didn't just die out thousands of years ago? How have people put up with the agony throughout history? or has something changed and we now find it hard when before we didn't? Sorry for the brain dump I just don't get it! Surely the most natural thing in the world should be the easiest thing in the world?

All 4 baby's were hard work to BF at first, the first 4 weeks i would say but i knew that if i stuck at it the months 1-6 would be much easier than my FF friends found it, so we gritted teeth and kept with it.
It might be natural but it's not easy.

ooh tiy I love the driving analogy - if you'd never been in a car you wouldn't even know the gearstick moves, the steering wheel turns etc

I'm another who has never really had any problems (Plenty of gripes/questions on MN but never any major cause for concern). Unlike most of the people who seem to say that on this thread I wasn;t surrounded by breastfeeding, in fact I don't think I'd ever consciously seen anyone doing it until I started doing antenatal stuff.
So maybe I was lucky! I went to an NCT bumps and babies antenatally and someone showed me latching in great detail, I also read loads about it on MN and in books, so I was probably quite exposed iyswim.

ah ib your sister is lovely! Did she have children?

Giddyup - I'm impressed you managed 4 months first time round!!!

I only managed 10 weeks with DD1 - found it total agony and very very stressful.

But with DD2 I'm pleased to say I've now managed 4 months and 1 week and I actually enjoy it and find it easy.

I still found it agony the first few weeks with DD2, and difficult to co ordinate with a demanding 3 yr old - but now it's a doddle.

The first time round I read a studid book that shall remain nameless that made me think I had to be in a strict feeding routine - absolute complete rubbish I now think.

Second time round I've fed completely on demand and it just seems so much more intuitive and easy - the baby has found her own pattern and I trust her to tell me when she's hungry (seems so obvious, I'm I didn't do that with number 1.

This doesn't work for everyone, but I've found the odd bottle of formula a total godsend. When really exhausted I've found it's given me the break I need to then be able to do the next BF in a relaxed way. As time's gone on I've found it easy to go longer and longer with less and less formula (but in the early weeks, with bleeding nips it really saved my sanity). I know people warn against this because of milk supply but I really think it's enabled me to keep up the BF.

I told myself every day that I would just try BF that day and could stop the next day if I wanted. Now I honestly don't want to stop at all. My only regret is that I didn't experience the fantastic side of BF with DD1.

Best of luck - sorry, this is epic.

I think I should have admitted defeat earlier and been happier! I am as I said really committed to making it work this time, but I will NOT allow it to go on as long as it did with DS if it goes badly... it honestly affected how I feel about him and I am sure put me in the mind set that he is "difficult", something I still struggle with now sometimes (it always kind of surprises me when I compare him to others the same age and realise he is actually easy and good).

Also if I hadn't been so miserable when I started mix feeding I think I could have carried that on for longer... but I had sort of given up.

But I digress, the advice and links on here are brilliant and I am sure they will help massively, I feel a lot more confident than when I stared the thread.

Yes, she is! :)

She has 2 dc, and she's ebf them both - and had her fair share of struggles too.

Giddyup - totally identify with what you say about bad BF experience affecting how you feel towards DC - I felt like that too with DC1 (though I adore her).

I feel a bit guilty that the easiness of BF with DD2 has made me feel she is automatically 'easier' - when actually I think it is as much my increased confidence as anything that makes things generally easier than with DD1.

In one way, though I love BF this time around, I do think far too much is made of it and that mothers are made to feel far too guilty if it is not a good experience. I think it's good to try, but honestly, DCs will be absolutely fine if it doesn't work out. It's a bit like the emphasis put on the 'ideal' birth experience, it's out of proportion to what parenting involves long term...

Better stop before this gets epic again.

Its good to hear you get where I am coming from with that kittycat! I am hoping increased confidence and knowing my own mind a bit better now will go along way