Help-can't stop crying whenever I breastfeed

[renegadesoundwave]

This is so weird and is getting me down a lot because everyone seems to find breastfeeding such a wonderful bonding experience. DD is three months old and I've been exclusively breastfeeding up to now - asked the HV about mixed feeding but she was dead against it and kept reminding me what a beautiful experience it was supposed to be. The latch isn't painful usually, but I can't stop crying my eyes out whenever I breastfeed and it's getting worse every day. Have tried introducing formula gradually on advice of GP but DD is having none of it, it just seems that one of us is fated to be desperately unhappy where feeding is concerned. I hate the sensation, hate having my breasts out, hate having my flabby stomach on show, hate not being able to wear dresses, hate my big chest, and really hate anyone watching me (particularly with tears streaming down my face all the time).
There don't appear to be any BF counsellors in the area and the only thing I get when I ask at the clinic is 'but look at how tall she's getting and it's all from you! Aren't you proud?' I'm desperate to give it up but hate seeing DD screaming whenever the bottle comes out.
Sorry for the long disjointed ramble but I never thought it would be so soul-destroying - maybe I'm just not wired right

Sorry, it wasn't you, colditz; it was Lynli who was dogmatic.

You are just her sockpuppet :)

Tiktok, that is the rudest thing you've ever said, and entirely unnecessary. I offer my own opinions, and am nobody's 'sockpuppet'. Smiling as you say it doesn't make it a fair comment.

If you think that is the 'rudest thing' I have ever said, colditz, then you should get out more.

A 'sockpuppet' just means someone online taking on another identity alongside their 'real' one and pretending to be two different people. I don't seriously think you did that.

I missed your suggestion that me saying 'you cannot tell someone to stop breastfeeding' was dogmatic, and therefore I am doing what I tell other people not to do - well, you know, I feel ok about telling someone they 'cannot' do that, and I will stick to it. I think it is indeed wrong and dogmatic to tell someone they 'should' breastfeed or 'should not'. It's like never being intolerant of anything except intolerance :)

Renegade, you have done so well to BF as long as you have, especially given how you feel about it. I BF my DD for 3 months and think it was a good achievement because I hated it and she had various medical issues that made it hard. So well done!

If you decide that you defintiely do want to switch to formula, you might need to try several different bottles to find one that your DD likes. You might also need to get some one else to do the first few feeds while you go out. I have a friend who did this. I suspect she hated BF more than she admitted, and when she was desperate to stop her DS screamed at being offered a bottle. In the end her DH and HV agreed a strategy with her. She went out for several hours and DH fed DS, with support from the HV. When she returned DS had fed successfully from the bottle.

Please do not beat yourself up about this. Being a good Mum is about so much more than BFing. Make sure you get all the support you need.

Renegade, you poor, poor thing!

Can I ask, is it just the feeding that makes you feel this way? When you are caring for your dd, changing her nappy, bathing her, is that all OK?

Agree also re nursing dresses and tops. I have had the most horribly flabby belly since having ds1 and was actually far more self-conscious about my belly than my breasts being on show. Clothes which covered my belly made me feel much better.

I do feel for you re the bottle refusing as well. Ds3 would not take a bottle for love nor money and it made me feel so trapped and also worried because I had to go back to work.
I found that what helped with this was
1/ Bottle with latex teat rather than silicone
2/ warming the teat before letting him take it.
3/ Walking around with the baby facing away from me with the teat in his mouth. He did eventually take it.

I think it's wrong and dogmatic to tell people what they can and cannot do, but funnily enough, your definition of dogmatic seems to automatically exclude everything you say, regardless of what you say.

It is not at all like being "Tolerent of everything except intolerence".

Intolerence is not the same as bottle feeding. Being dogmatic about talking about bottle feeding is not the same as being intolerent about intolerence.

Like it or not, bottle feeding does exist, the OP clearly stated she was desperate to stop breastfeeding, and when other people tried to ease her misery, you called them dogmatic.

I'm leaving this with you, colditz. I tried to help the OP as well, and there were some very supportive posts. One (one) other person tried to 'ease her misery' by telling her what she should do.

Instead of engaging with this, you chose to object to my post which expressed dismay that this person had told the OP to stop breastfeeding. I would have been just as dismayed with a post which told her to continue.

I engaged with the Op until you started people what they can and cannot do, Tiktok.

Oh and renegade! Some people have had success with the Medela Special Needs Feeder where babies wouldn't take a regular bottle.

Have you tried expressing some milk and trying her with that? Maybe she would prefer the taste to the formula just while she was getting used to the bottle?