Breastfeeding: should I use a dummy?

[blackcurrants]

DS will be 3 weeks on wed. Breastfeeding is going well (though sometimes I get a bit harried and wonder if I'm ever going to be allowed to put him down) but he's a very sucky baby. In all his ultrasounds he was sucking on his fists, and he can soothe himself if/when he gets his thumb or fingers into his mouth.

I know sometimes when he cries for the breast he's crying for comfort sucking, and that's ok with me - he's little and I'm his mum and I like the cuddles - but I have to start leaving him with other carers soon (no maternity leave - it's grim), so I'm going to have to leave him with expressed milk. I'm worried that the lovely carers will give him the bottle and then he'll scream and scream and scream because he wants to suck for longer than he actually wants to drink, IYSWIM. Cuddling/soothing without something to suck doesn't work - DH offers a clean fingertip, but I'm starting to think maybe I'd sooner he had a dummy than a carer's fingers all the time. And they might not have the time to actually offer it, too....

Should I give him a dummy, since I'm going to have to give him a bottle next week anyway? I am very worried about nipple confusion but frankly, I have no choice about introducing the bottle, so I'm wondering if the dummy will help with comforting him when I'm not there...

OK, he's my PFB and I'm worried about him screaming for me when I'm not there - will introducing a dummy totally screw up breastfeeding (considering I'm already having to introduce a bottle), or will it help him be calm and happy without his mum?

Both of mine have had dummies when little and were exclusively breastfed, no problems at all, no confusion.
Both DS's liked to suck for comfort, it's quite normal and, although I never really wanted mine to have them (purely based on that fact that I had never liked how they looked....) they both settled well for a nap with a dummy.
WOrth a try I'd say! Good luck

Okay, you prob will get people advising you not to do it yet as you shouldnt really introduce one til breastfeeding is well established etc if you want to keep feeding....however.....my baby was comfort feeding and at 3 weeks she was staying on me all night and i just couldnt sleep.

I gave a dummy (and i was one that always swore no child of mine would have one). She remained at 2 hourly feeds until 6 months old and breastfeeding went great, despite the dummy.

What I did do though was take it out of her mouth when she was asleep and she was good about not waking a zillion times a night for it.

Another however.....she is now 20 months and the dummy is still with us, she still only has it for sleep times but once I'd given it it did become a long term fixture.

But it didnt affect breastfeeding for me, I had all sorts of personal demons over dummies and then when it came to it, it was my saviour. I truly couldnt have carried on breastfeeding as long as I did without the dummy giving me some respite.

My DS is a sucky baby. I can tell when he finishes feeding and starts comfort sucking as the rhythm of his suck changes (and in the early days, milk would run out of his mouth).

He was prem and was both bottlefed and had a dummy before we established breastfeeding at 8 weeks. I gave him a dummy for exactly the reason you describe - he wanted to continue sucking after he'd finished his bottle, and later to save my poor nipples from further torture.

He's never had any problems at all in switching between the 3 - only that after we had established bfing for a while he refused to take a bottle from me (would do so from DH though) as I suppose he didn't see why he should have to when I had boobs.

DS had a dummy from a few weeks - was told just to make sure they were orthodontic ones. Hasn't interfered with breastfeeding at all - still going at nine months - and to be honest makes my life a hell of a lot easier.

Advice is to get rid of them between 12-18 months if you're planning on using it long term - DS still has his because he still is a very sucky baby and sometimes cuddles just don't cut it!

Good luck.

Thank you all for your help. DH is a bit 'no child of mine' about dummies and I don't love them... but DS is too small to find his thumb and I'm thinking maybe I can persuade DH that any comfort we can offer DS while we abandon him (sob!) is worth a try...

orthodontic dummies - right! we're about to try the 'breastflow' bottles made by 'the first years' - will look for the dummies they make.

Oh I hate them, and was adamant that DS would never had one... And then he was born

Its actually better for them to have a dummy rather than suck their thumb, by the way - can disfigure their mouths.

Tomme Tippee do orthodontic ones. HTH :)

Hi, For me they were very helpful for DS1 to get him settled or to sleep. Id then pull it out after a wee while. I liked the MAM newborn ones because I noticed that they were the same shape as ny nipple was as soon as DS let go! I used the newborn ones all the time. Never had a problem removing it from routine. Just stopped at about 15 or 16 months I think, same time as I dropped the last bedtime feed (by which time he was being bottlefed)

By contrast DS2 was never fussed one way or another so he very rarely had one. He preferred his cheek stroked...still does at 2 and a half!

Never got any sens of nipple confusion with either and I breast fed,combination fed and latterly exclusively bottle fed.

If you think it may work why not just try it and see - you always have control of the dummy

I have bought dummies each time (have 3 DCs) and none of them wanted one. All had a few sucks and rejected it. I did try a few times, DS2 sucked on it a bit when he was tiny and overtired...

He's now 16 weeks and can suck his fingers. Nothing I can do about it. Buy dummies by all means, just your baby might not want.

DD sucked from 10 weeks until 6 years, we had to bribe her with pair of lelly kellys to stop!

LOL at the lelli kelly deal MUM NWLondon

I too hated the idea of dummies but both of my dc had them and were exclusively bf til 9/10 months and they were/are a total lifesaver. Tell your dh that he can do the long hours of comforting if he doesn't want to use a dummy with your lo
I was also much consoled by a relative who is a dentist who said "oooh much better to hav a dummy you can take away than a thumb that ruins their teeth"

ps my dd (dc2) took quite a few weeks to get used to the idea of having a dummy and we nearly gave up on it with her but she did take to it in the end..

Congratulations on your baby! I was a bit 'no child of mine' about dummies until DS1 was born! After four weeks of more or less constant feeding a dummy became my saviour and is probably the reason that I was able to successfully breastfeed. Intoducing a dummy turned him into a different baby - a baby who would sleep in his pram instead of cry, a baby who would stay asleep after finishing a feed if the dummy was slipped into his mouth instead of one who would promptly wake up and feed for another hour! We got rid of the dummy at about 15 months and he didn't miss it. My next two children refused to accept a dummy, but then they were much easier to feed in any case. If your DS will take one then go for it! They can make a huge difference.

BF both mine...and both had dummies from about 2 months. No problems.

DS had a dummy from as soon as he came home from hospital. He still has it for nap and bed only, and still breastfeeding too - 19mo.

my daughter was very sucky...at 4 weeks to the day I gave her a dummy (had read to wait that long in breastfed babies) and I am so glad I did. the first time I gave it to her I cried (hormonal sleep deprived mess!)and she spat it out a couple of times but then got the hang of it. I don't know if I could have carried on breast feeding without it.

she is now 10 months and has it for sleeps and when in the car or pram if she is getting fractious.

never had any problems with nipple confusion. go for it I would say.

PS Also have same point as Moajab: my baby who was not bothered about a dummy was a much better/easier feeder. Baby for whom dummy was very helpful was more difficult.

hey, just a word of warning, you'll probably need to watch out for nursing strikes.

Our LO took quite a few goes getting the dummy, but give it a go for about a week just to be sure before giving up (fingers crossed baby takes to it straight away).

Good luck with the feeding, I'm expressing whilst working, but I didn't go back until 3 months.

Try and build up a supply for the 6 week growth spurt

Oh, Blackcurrants, I'm glad breastfeeding is going better now, but you have to return to work at four weeks post-partum? Good lord, woman, that's brutal on you. I hope you don't have a physical job.

Er, nothing to add of any use except that we introduced a bottle at around 4 weeks, I think, and there was no nipple confusion. To be honest, I've had this conversation with loads of people over time, and not one of us has ever experienced nipple confusion. I also have a dear friend who had a very premature baby (25+4!) and because he was in the ICU for so long, they introduced a dummy for comfort, and he was fed expressed milk from bottles, and they were able to successfully switch to breastfeeding without much problem.

So, good luck!

My DD got addicted to sucking little finger ever since it was offered on day one. She had to have a heel prick and the paediatrician suggested I did it to comfort her. BIG MISTAKE she would not have a dummy, only the finger. It drove me mad because I had to sit there with my finger in, when I had soooo much to do. I was dead envious of Mum's who could pop a dummy in and then walk away. I even tried to conceive a way of getting a cast made of my finger and turned into a dummy.

DS was ebf until 4 months and we gave him a dummy at about 10 days as he was also a sucky baby. We used Avent ones and it never caused problems with bf.

tortoise - thankfully I'm a academic, so very unphysical job - I might walk around the classroom and lug books, that's about it. Term's starting at the end of August, and I've got a class to teach.
I'm in the USA, so I could take 3 months unpaid but can't afford it, and even if I could, I'd have NO HEALTHCARE coverage and neither would DS. So hey, I could have time off with my baby, which I want so badly - but if he or I got ill, gods help us....

That's a separate rant, perhaps. Sometimes during the night feeds he's so small and perfect and he needs me so much and I am always there... and I cry to think that soon I won't be. It's only 3 days a week, and I'm lucky to have the others at home and a supportive DH - but argh, I can't bear the thought of going back on campus just yet.

Work is being as supportive as they possibly can be, considering their appalling national policies and general lack of money. There are 'lactation rooms' to pump milk, my department is happy for DS to come to meetings and things, he just can't come into the classroom with me. Yeah, it breaks my heart to leave him, I can hardly think about it.
We'll see how it goes.

On the dummy front, we got a tommee tippee one, and it worked for about 30 minutes last night, and got him off to sleep - bliss! - then has been firmly spat out ever since. But he's a pretty happy young man today, so I'm not worried about it too much. I've asked DH to not offer it when he's hungry, but more after a feed to get him off to sleep, as it seems to be different kinds of sucking. Certainly no nursing problems yet - he's spent most of the day feeding! Thanks again for all your help. I love MN.

hey blackcurrants,

I'm also in the US, but just a researcher (thankfully no teaching required yet) with a SAHD.

we were fine with the bottles except for a day that I was late home and she had them for 12 hours (otherwise all other fussiness was just normal BF related)

Good luck, and feel free to come on and rant, still tackling the guilt part myself. I was lucky that before I started here, my other place was just 2 days a week and I could also bring her in.

If you were staying at home I'd say not to bother with the dummy but as you're having to go back to work it will probably be v. useful - just make sure your baby's caregiver knows how to tell the difference between "I'm hungry, please feed me" and "I need comfort, please give me something to suck on". Good luck. :)