letter in the national press about bf - should I reply?

[Isawthreeships]

And, if so, what would you say?

It was bfing awareness week here last week so lots of coverage of an annual 'big latch on' in the town hall.

Cue the following letter in the national press (Sunday Star Times for anyone in NZ) this week. Not only was it published but it was the 'winning' letter, with the writer receiving a pen for her efforts. I am so incensed - NZ is generally such a bfing friendly place - so this is really out of the ordinary IMO. I'm equally furious with the paper for making it the winning letter.

So, do I reply and, if so, what do I say? I'm not great at pithy retorts so all help welcome!

'Winning Words
Breast is Best but Cover Up

Upon arrival in New Zealand in early 2003, invited to a friend's birthday celebration at a local restaurant, I was shocked/disgusted when, in front of 30-plus attendees, the birthday mum unbuttons her jersey and flops her large breast out for all to see and begins to bf her young infant at the table while everyone's eating.

As a mum, I had bfed both of my sons; however, I did this discreetly in public, covering myself with a light blanket. Anyone watching me would know that I was bfing, but this was a natural personal bond between me and my infant, never intended to make others feel uncomfortable or publicly show my breasts.

After the initial shock, I have noticed this on other occasions while living here. Ladies, please, show a bit of class. Women's breasts were created for nursing their young, but this is not the era of Neanderthals and it does, in fact, make many people feel uncomfortable.

Breasts are still strongly associated with sex, and it occurred to me that having a sister that required a double mastectomy due to breast cancer, perhaps women need to be a bit more sensitive to the feelings of others.

Nursing mums, show a bit of class, and carry a light blanket to cover yourself in public.'

Anyone else interested in responding, email [email protected]!

I had not realised that I was not showing 'class' by bfing in public, what tosh. Also if it was her friends birthday celebration should she not be allowed to do what the hell she likes?

I also find it insensitive to suggest that women with breast cancer would be upset by bfeeding, yes some MIGHT but some might NOT. Generalisations/assumptions shouldn't be made.

Oh ffs! You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Even is you wanted to put a blanket over their head (which I don't) you would still offend some nutters, so this article is a load of bs.

You are quite right, this letter should not have won. I would expect this in UK but not there, I did think other countries such as NZ had moved with the times.
Yes you should reply :)

Katkouta, you are completely right, on the whole NZ seems pretty relaxed about bfing. During bfing awareness week, the local paper had a huge front cover picture of 'the big latch on' with several mums openly bfing. Not that you could 'see' much in the photo (wouldn't be bothered personally if you could) but it has always seemed to be a bit of a non-issue over here. This is the country that has the boobs on bikes parade, after all (but that's a whole other issue).

So, any ideas for a short, witty reply which will put the writer and the editor in their places?!

Summerhols - agree about the sweeping generalisations. Totally unhelpful. Will mention that.

Totally agree that you should reply.

On the cancer note, should people with limbs not show them in public in case they upset amputees? Should everyone cover their hair in case those with alopecia or hair-loss due to chemotherapy might be offended? etc..... I have a solution! Perhaps we should all wear a burkha.

Oh, but it would have to be one covering the eyes, just in case....

I can see exactly where you're coming from, but in this case would urge discretion in your reply - the bits about sex and classiness are bang out of order and deserve strident reply.

But the upset to vulnerable women is quite a different point; I can't imagine how a breast cancer sufferer would feel, but I know how bloodyawful it was after the death of DS1. Don't get me wrong, I fed my other children anywhere and everywhere. But IMHO there are good reasons to agree with a general premise for being as unobtrusive as possible (and all you need for that is a scarf or muslin).

Likewise I would never make sarky comeback to anyone giving odd looks - you just don't know where they're coming from (but of course that doesn't stop you from giving as good as you get and more for offensive comments).

Onimolap, I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible time it must have been for you.

I can understand that seeing other babies bfing may have been traumatic. And, personally, I would never respond to mere 'looks' (although I can't recall having received any when bfing DS).

But, in all honesty, I don't think a scarf or muslin is necessary or to be encouraged. I think I mentioned that the local paper had a huge close-up photo of a group of mums bfing. None of them used a scarf - just pulled up their tops - and yet there was nothing indiscreet about the picture.

We wouldn't put a muslin over a bottlefed baby so why should we put one over a bfed baby?

I'm also really uncomfortable with the suggestion in the article (not seconded by posters here, I would stress) that mums should not bfed in a restaurant/at the table while others are eating for the same reason. Either it is OK to feed a baby or it isn't, irrespective of the food source.

I agree with you that there's nothing wrong with feeding at table.

But I don't think the comparison with muslins for bottlefed babies is exact: it doesn't give the same physical wrench to see bottle feeding. With some clothes you can be very discreet, others don't lend themselves so well. A draped muslin will not prevent a baby gazing up at the mother's face and can do a lot to spare the feelings of the vulnerable.

onimolap, I too am sorry for your devastating loss.
I am curious, if the baby is still able to gaze up at the mothers face, what part are you covering with the muslin? ( I ask because, I can't work it out, and the picture I have in my head is one of a muslin tent over both their heads! )

Three ships, I am not very articulate (as you can see from my posts) so cannot think of anything witty! I do hate the 'discrete' thing though. I have yet to see a woman flop out their breast whilst feeding, I sure dont jiggle mine around for all to see, but on the same note, if my baby is hungry and irritable and you see a little of my breast when Im about to feed him then so be it.

You might find this interesting.

Oh dear. What a silly letter :(

Many people have sadness and loss in their lives. People undergoing fertility treatment may find the sight of pregnant women or new babies very hard to bear. People newly widowed may hate the sight of couples walking about hand in hand. And yes, someone who has suffered the loss of a child may find witnessing the closeness of breastfeeding very, very painful.

But everyone else cannot be expected to go through everyday life 'editing' their behaviour - and that includes breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is normal. It is how babies eat. It does not need to be hidden away for any reason at all....any more than you'd hide a bottle or a jar of 'baby beef dinner'. Messin' about with muslins and scarfs and blankets and whatever else - yes, if the mother herself prefers to hide and can manage the messin' about, and the baby can tolerate it (many won't!), but not to protect others from the sight.

Interesting art, Katkouta. I agree with you about the whole 'discreet' thing. Personally, my baps are too small to flop out. It wouldn't bother me if another lucky mum had big enough boobs to achieve a flop!

I will write back to the paper, I'm too annoyed not to. I'll have a go at something tomorrow and perhaps post it on here for comment before I email it in.

Great post, tiktok. Can I shamelessly plagarise some of your comments in my reply?!

With all due respect to the vulnerable and you in particular ominolap, it's not fair or practical to expect the general population to tread on eggshells whilst going about daily life. While I really sympathise for your own and others' losses, babies can't and shouldn't be hidden away.

Same with those having endured mastectomies. How is it logical to criticise open BFing when sexualised images of breasts are so prevalent everywhere you look?

Sounds to me like the writer could do with adopting what you describe as the very laid back attitude of NZers and quit being so uptight about such a normal action. Weirdo.

threeships good for you for taking the trouble to write a letter. On the other hand, if we're talking about class then the Sunday Star Times has never been the classiest paper, has it? :)

Feel free to take what you want, Isawthreeships :)

Thanks tiktok - the ideas at least are really useful - I'll try and write in my own words so I'm not completely plagarising you!

Very true, SteepApproach!