Hideous Feeding Experience

[pommedeterre]

Not sure why I'm posting this but need to rant. Breastfeeding was really hard and circumstances were not easy post birth so formula bottles were introduced at 4 weeks and by 8 weeks dd was fully ff. Thought it was to do with her suck due to being bashed at birth and not having a very effective suck.
She was on size 2 teats at 6 weeks and size 3 teats at 18 weeks to deal with this.
Feeding even with bottles is really hard, she fusses, cries when the bottle comes near her and takes 2 hours over each feeding. We have tried several milks (including ebm in bottle and are using the preferred one). Every so often we have a spate of 2-3 weeks where feeding is really, really hard and horrible and she really fusses. We are 5 days into the third one of these and it is really taking its toll on me. I just threw the bottle across the room and burst into tears. I feel so angry and frustrated with a 21 week old baby. I want to put her on the doorstep and close the door.
I started weaning at 16 weeks and she takes from the spoon like a dream and loves it, getting upset when I won't give her more. i am keeping quantities really small and am avoiding the foods not recommended before 6 months (keeping it to baby rice, porridge and fruit and veg) but it is so lovely and I finally feel like giving my baby sustenance is nice. I know people judge me for this and think I am being retarded but I have read up and am trying to do it the safest way possible. people talk about 'the simplicity of milk and the faff of weaning' and I want to smack them around the head.
Argh. Help.

We were told to wean our youngest at 17 weeks by HV due to his problems feeding and poor weight gain. He's an absolute pig but it's been the making of him. He's happy and looks really healthy and really doesn't drink much milk. I add water to meals so he has liquid and ensure he eats a balanced diet. I'd do what ever keeps you both happy!

Sounds grim for you and her.

On the bright side...

As she's now 21 wks and enjoys solids I would crack on with them and increase her portions. Is she on 3 meals a day yet?

Would also offer variety of foods, obv avoiding gluten, eggs etc.

Have you looked into a hypoallergenic milk, in case she has a sensitivity to cows milk protein (that could have affected BM too).
You might also try cranial osteopath in case she is in discomfort from sucking.

She seems to hate the bottle, so try and introduce a doidy cup or other feeder. Could offer water or milk in this and see what happens for now. She still needs the formula, so speak to GP/HV if still struggling.

HTH

You say BF was really hard and she seems to have a poor suck. Was it painfull for you?

Has she been checked for things like touge tie? This can make bottle feeding hard work to. I really would get her checked out again as milk in what ever form is supposed to be there main sources of food untill 1year.

Have you tried different bottles?

Other thought - has LO been checked for tongue tie? If this makes it hard to BF then it must affect when present FFing too? Get multiple opinions on this as some are hard to spot.

Please don't use the term 'retarded'.

And find out if she has a milk intolerance of some kind.

Slow ass one handed typing means MigGril beat me to it.

Oh, also - check for signs of oral thrush.

Bacofoil, did you mean to sound so snippy with some-one who is clearly upset and struggling today?

Altaira did you mean to be passive aggressive?

It's an offensive term.

I have no idea what a doidy cup is, but i think trying a normal open beaker or a lidded beaker is a good idea.

doidy cup

Oh gawd those irritating slanty buggers. I find it easier with a normal beaker.

Thanks so much everyone, feeling a bit calmer this morning despite a bad nights sleep! Bacofoil - apologies, you are right, this is not the forum for that word. Sorry.
I do think she is tongue tied - she has the classic 'heart' shaped tongue but midwives at the hospital post birth checked her and declared her okay. Bf never hurt me at all, not even a slightly sore nipple which at the time I used to berate myself over the head with about giving up but now I wonder if it's actually a sign of her poor suck.
The motions I see other babies making to suck and the motions I would make myself to suck I see her doing very very rarely. She very, very rarely falls into a nice 'rhythm' with her drinking.
I also took her to the doctors believing she had reflux when she was smaller but they said she was just windy. She still has horrible hiccups every day though and is a 'sicky' baby with big wet burps. She goes very stiff when avoding the bottle too sometimes throwing her head back which I had read could be a sign.
I have been trying to make sure she has water using one of those spouty beaker things but not having great success with it. I have got a brother max 4 in 1 cup but took it apart to wash it and am now mystified as to how to put it back!
We do porridge in the morning and then either 1 slightly larger portion of fruit or veg (or mixed) or 2 smaller ones depending when we are at home. I feel uncomfortable feeding her out and about - I think to with 'peer pressure' from other mum friends. Noone has said anything just a feeling I have. they are all waiting until 6 months.
I wished I'd looked into cranial osteopathy more post birth (it was traumatic and she was severely bashed) but thought it wouldn't be effective now at 21 weeks?
Thank you all again.

IT's not too late for cranial osteopathy. Give it a whirl.

See a different GP or a HV about her possible tongue tie - try google images for comparison.

You poor thing. You must be at your wits' end.

First things first, don't listen to the doctors about reflux - they know naaarthing (mostly) about this condition. Reflux is first thing I thought when I read your post. There is no evidence that wind causes anything, BTW. Many cultures don't burp their babies.

Have you tried some form of thickened milk? e.g., carobel, staydown-type milks, using gaviscon infant?

If you have it in you, go back to your doctors and (attempt) to feed your DD in front of him/ her. Or take a video of her usual feeding behaviour and show them that if it's easier.... and don't leave till they take some action or suggest a remedy.

Would definitely try to get another opinion on tongue tie. HCPs not always great at identifying this.