Have just ended my b'feeding career and could do with a bit of support

[JumpingJellyfish]

I stopped b'feeding my last DC3 last Thurs, in a way I really hadn't planned to, and feel incredibly :( about it. In addition my boobs are agony (am expressing ten mins each side twice a day just to take the edge off it, and amount is definitely dropping). Please could someone tell me I'm doing the right thing and make me feel less awful!!!

Background: DD2 is now 8.5 months old, was b'fed exclusively (but with odd bottle of EBM) until 6 months and since then has had bottles of formula or EBM while I'm at work. I had to go back to work when she was 3.5 months old (didn't plan to return to work at all for a couple of years, but DH's work very insecure, down to 4 day weeks etc and I got offered work so had to take it)- initially I worked only 2 mornings a week, then since she was 6 months I went up to 20hrs a week. Don't have time in work to express, and DD2 is not great at bottles. She got into a pattern of "reverse cycling"- feeding a lot from me at night, and often not taking any milk while I'm at work (amazingly). She's also been very ditsractable from 3 months old and fed well only in a quiet room- hard when I have DS (5) and DD1 (2) with me whenever I'm not at work. Ended up colseeping since she was tiny but still found I was exhausted by her night feeding so last week decided enough was enough, and also needed her to take more milk when I'm at work... And indeed, she's now taking bottles well, and eating solids better too.
But I had planned to b'feed her for at least a year (b'fed DD1 'til 13 months) and hadn't planned to stop like this- with DS & DD1 I very gradually reduced feeds....

I'm so sad :(

Oh poor you. But please don't feel too sad - you've done brilliantly; you really have.

You need to do what right for you and she'll be fine with bottles, however if you do want to continue to BF her, say once a day, continue to pump morning and night for the next 2 weeks whilst you get her happy on bottles. Once she is happy and settled on bottles you should be able to re-introduce one bedtime BF without it affecting the amount she takes from bottles too much.

JJ :(

You've done really well to get this far (you've done a damn sight better than I did) and you shouldn't beat yourself up about stopping. If you're not so exhausted then that can only be a good thing for all 3 of your children.

If you're really not sure stopping is for you, it's not too late yet of course. Would DD take bottles of expressed milk at night so your DH can take some of the strain and you can get a bit more sleep? It's amazing how much of a difference not being exhausted makes. I might be mistaken in thinking that work HAS to make provision for you to bf/express, surely this means time as well as space?

Thank you all. I am torn about stopping, and nearly b'fed DD2 at bedtime last night, but don't want to confuse her yet. She won't yet take bottles from DH(!) but did have a bottle of EBM yest, though today barely got 2oz (in total) this morning after pumping each side of 10 mins. Feel incredibly full but the pump doesn't seem to be able to draw it out iyswim. I'm sure DD2 could draw it out...
So in a way one bedtime feed would be good but I'm worried about just adding to confusion at the moment and not sure expressing will keep my supply going for another 2 weeks as it doesn't seem to be getting much out at the moment?

Work could probably give me time to express but we have a lot on so I would rather not take time out for it, and I am already only just covering my hours with the childcare available...
I am just so tired I really need to break free I guess from the cycle we got ourselves into, especially to give me more energy for the older DCs, but also know how much DD2 loves b'feeding and how much I love it (apart from the night waking!)